Dear Addy,
Today, you turn 7 months old. It is Christmas time and you are just as sweet as ever. We are busy getting ready for visitors and multiple family members who have never had the pleasure of meeting you yet. They are all so excited to see you and I can't wait to show them just how wonderful you really are. I know the holidays will be challenging for you as your schedule and sleep will be disrupted, but I am so very sure that you will suck it up and be just fine. You are just that kind of baby. So far, I have to admit, we have bought you nothing for Christmas (sorry). I did buy you a pair of winter boots a month or so ago so I guess that will qualify as your present. I promise that next year there will be a toy or two for you under the tree too.
You have started to move around a lot this month and can maneuver yourself pretty well by rolling and thrusting your body towards whatever you are after. You love to sit and play and have officially become bored with some of your go to toys from the past few months. You now much prefer your brothers things and it is so evident that new toys and things to chew on thrill you.
I love to look at your cousin Lily, who is 3 and a bit as I write this, and dream and wonder what kind of little girl you will be one day. Lily is everything that little girls are. She likes her dolls, her clothes and anything that is pink. She is sensitive and dramatic and can change moods quicker than she can change outfits. She is so much fun to watch and to be around and I can't help but think about you and imagine what you will be like as you grow. Little boys are great, and I am so grateful that we have a boy as well, but there is something different and special about having a girl to me. If Colin gets married one day, I simply have to hope that I am included and accepted by his wife. You and I, my sweet girl, will be forever entwined for you are my daughter and for that reason, I have dibs on all the mother jobs for life. I will not disappoint you - this I can promise. I will be there for you each and every day, from now until forever. Even when you hate me, even when you can't stand me, even when you don't think you need me. I will simply wait in the background, and hang out in the shadows until you decide that you need me again.
This month, it became painfully (and I mean that literally) obvious that it is going to be extremely difficult to wean you to a bottle. You have completely refused to take breast or formula from any kind of cup for the last month or so and have zero interest in anyone who tries. To add injury to insult, you have started bitting me on a fairly regular basis, making me even more anxious to wean. As Mexico approaches and our fight with the bottle continues, this month, my sweet, sweet girl, you are going to be in for some tough love. Brace yourself for tears and for the ultimate in battles of wills. Working in my favor is the pain of the bites and the beach in Mexico approaching so beware, I have A LOT of reasons to stay strong and fight you to the bitter end. I know this month is going to be tough on you, and I would never do it this way if you didn't get me any other choice. Please forgive me. This who bottle saga is your only true flaw so I guess you aren't the perfect baby, however I love you just the same anyways.
A few days ago, the unthinkable happened and many young children were taken from this earth at the hands of another, all too early and extremely tragically. At this point, I simply cannot read any more articles or listen to any more stories about it. My heart can't take it. I ache for those families and for the community whose worst nightmare has come true and cannot explain how deeply the incident awoken my deepest fears. When people have kids, and you will know this one day if you ever do, your natural protective instincts kick in full force. There is literally nothing I wouldn't do to protect you. The scary thing that as a parent you have to come to terms with is that you simply can't protect your children like you want to. Unfortunately there are always going to be risks and even keeping you at our side 24 hours a day for the rest of our lives gives no guarantee that harm won't find you. Instead, all we can do is send you out into the world and pray that you will be safe. I remember when I was a teenager and had my license, I was continually frustrated with the fact that my mother didn't want me driving home late at night. I questioned her trust in me, to which she responded "I trust you, I just don't trust everyone else on the road at that hour." It wasn't until you and your brother came into my life that I truly understood and agreed with her feelings. It is a helpless feeling, when you feel like your babies are at the mercy of the world. I suppose as parents, all we can do is pray and trust.
I remember when Colin was this age and I realized that my maternity leave was more than half over. Part of me started to panic as I wanted the year to never end. This time around, I have to admit, I am anxious to get back to work. A small detail is that I don't actually have a job right now, as I left my last when you were born, but getting back into the work force and finding my next challenge and new direction is both exciting and energizing to me at this moment in time. I know full well that my working will cause stress and anxiety for both of us, but I promise that in the end you will have a better mother because of it. I may not always have time for everything to be homemade and every pinterest link to be explored, but I know that the positives of my working far outweigh the sacrifices. I want you to know that even though I will probably always work outside the home, it is not ever because I wouldn't rather be with you and your brother. It is simply something that I need, and our family needs. I wish I did, but I do not feel fulfilled at home and know that working outside the home is something that I need. Even though I may not always be there for your Dad's entire summer vacation, or to take you to school and pick you up each and every day, I promise that I will be better because of it. I am going to really cherish and soak each and every minute with you guys for the next few months as I know that soon enough everything will change once again.
Baby girl, you are just awesome. I love that you love life. Even more, I love that you love sleep. The world is awaiting for you as I know you are going to make it a better place for us all. You have that way about you. You command attention yet are patient and quiet. You bring so much joy to this home and to this family and continue to make me feel so incredibly blessed to even know you, never mind be your mom.
Love you to forever and always x7.
Love,
Mama
xoxo
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