Dear Addy,
Today, my sweet girl, you turn 11 months old. This past month has been a lot of the same around here and you are currently smiling and laughing your way into the end of your first year with us.
This past month you have gotten nowhere with your crawling, walking, standing - in general, you are still a stationary little person. You have managed to shimmy you way from place to place on occasion, but for the most past, your process goes something like this:
Step 1 - sit on ground and play for awhile
Step 2 - put both hands on floor and rock on back leg for 5-10 minutes
Step 3 - finally fall/move onto stomach
Step 4 - cry
Step 5 - stay on stomach crying/whining until picked up or decide to just start playing again
I was sure that when I wrote your 10 month letter I would, by now, be writing about how you are zipping all over the place. At one point, I was convinced that you would start crawling while I was in Mexico, over 6 weeks ago now, but alas, you are still quite happy, for the most part, to stay where you are. Your Auntie Evelyn pointed out the other day that perhaps this means that you are simply patient and are waiting until you feel ready to perfect this new skill in order to avoid the days or weeks of failure. Man, I sure hope so. If there is something that I struggle with, it is patience. It has always been an issue of mine and continues to be something I need to actively work on. I am constantly training your brother in this area as well, with not much success up to this point. If this is a skill that you are innately blessed with, maybe you can teach us both?
Watching you lately, I can tell that you are growing somewhat frustrated in the limitations that your young age predisposes you to. There are times that your brother runs away from you and I can tell that with every ounce of your being, you want SO badly to follow him. There are certain toys that you just can't work and certain foods that you have trouble picking up. You have started to want to feed yourself with a spoon or fork and get extremely frustrated with my reluctance to give in. Watching you get upset and frustrated in these situations makes me wonder how you will deal with tough times through your adolescents and adulthood. If there is something that I have learnt in life, it is that frustration can so easily and quickly make one feel overwhelmed. Some of my earliest memories of feeling overwhelmed were when I started to have to write exams in junior high. I was a fairly strong student, but test writing was always a challenge for me. So, having 5 or 6 major tests in a week or less added up to a whole lot of stress, frustration and an overall overwhelming feeling of wanting to crawl into bed, get under the covers, and never get out. It was my Mom who first introduced me to some strategies of how to deal with all these feelings. This is where lists entered my life. Your Grandma showed me how making a list and writing down each and every task to accomplish can quickly make even the most frustrating situations seem manageable. To this day, lists are a part of my everyday life. I make more lists that humanely necessary. I sometimes add items to my list that I have already completed just to have the chance to cross something else off. Crossing something off a list is bliss. The gift your Grandma gave me has allowed me to make it through some of the most stressful and overwhelming times of my life and has ensured that nothing got lost in the shuffle. If I can pass this along to you my sweet girl, I most certainly will. Thankfully, if I was making a list for you these days it would simply read sleep, eat, be happy. As every baby should, these are truly the only things you need to worry your pretty little self about. We'll save the bigger issues for another time.
Spring is taking its sweet time joining us this year so we are currently still in winter coats, coats and toques. I retired mine, your Dad's and your brothers major winter gear to the basement but feel that you still need the bundle when we head out into the cold. I am dreaming of warmer temperatures and dry ground and grass so that we can get outside more and you can experience your first true summer since you pretty much slept your way through the last.
My sweet girl, you are a dream. You are so easy and so happy and have become a wonderfully content, hilarious, gorgeous little girl. You don't leave much up for debate and very clearly express your feelings. I thank you for taking the guessing game out of our every day life and letting us settle in to getting to know you and ultimately figure you out. In a few weeks, I am going to be going back to work and I know, you are not going to like it. Lately when I return after a few hours away from you, you become affixed to me for as long as you can hold on. Your eyes lock on me and if I ever leave your sight for a moment, even just to go into another room, you express your displeasure. It is almost as if you don't want to lose me again. I promise you, my girl, I promise with all my heart and all my being, that every time I leave, I will ALWAYS come back. Please remember that in the next few weeks when our daily routine is thrown on its back and flipped upside down. In a blink of an eye, everything will feel normal again once things settle down - I swear. I will always come back. I will always come back. I will always come back.
To you, my sweet child, in this last month of your first year of life, I ask for your patience and your understanding. It's going to be a month full of change and a month full of adjustments. To help you through it, I have made you a list. This list is to be refereed to whenever the day seems overwhelming, when exhaustion has set in, and when you are wishing for a quiet moment alone together - just us, and your rocking chair. It goes like this:
1. Smile.
2. Remember that above all, I love you and carry you with me all day long. In my heart, in my soul, in my everything.
3. Repeat.
Love you to forever and always,
Mama
xoxo
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