Transition.

This blog has definitely taken a back seat to life over the past 6 months or so which has seen me going back to work, Jason staying home with the kids all summer and life moving as quickly as ever.

I have thought about writing how I am doing with it all numerous times, but until today, didn't feel like I had all that much to say.  Yes, the past 4 months of working full time have been trying on me, on the kids and on Jason.  I have missed a few "firsts" here and there (Colin's first movie), but also caught a few that just happened to fall on the weekend (Addy's first steps).  I, at times, have felt like a failing parent, a crappy wife and an absent homemaker.  I have cried at my desk at work, cried in the car both to, and from work, and cried in Jason's arms on more than one occasion.  For a long time, I couldn't quite pinpoint the source of my tears but recently have finally been able to put my emotions and heart throbbing ache into words - I just want to take care of my family, and sometimes I don't feel like I am doing a very good job.  There are days where I feel like I am being pulled in a million different directions and as a result, nothing and nobody gets anything quality out of me.  I want to feel like I can do everything myself and my irrational, emotional self doesn't want to have to ask for help. 

Yes, there are rough days.  Days where Colin's "I don't want you to go to work, I want you to stay with me" daily morning speech wrench my heart so tight that I ache for hours.  That being said, for the most part, the vast majority, I think we are all doing pretty well.  The kids have had the opportunity to spend 2 months with their Dad - something that most kids never get the chance to do.  Even better, they got to spend time with an awesome Dad.  A Dad took them super fun places, plays puzzles and cars and reads books to their hearts content.  I have been able to rejoin the working world then been able to rejoin my loving family over dinner and playtime before bed.  I have still found some time to do the things I enjoy like baking, my project life and outings with the kids.  All in all, we are holding it together pretty well.

After next week, the summers last, our world will be shook up again with Jason returning to work, starting his masters and coaching responsibilities, my work travel resuming and university courses I have registered for starting, the kids back at daycare and Colin starting swimming and skating lessons.  I worry about Addy a little as she has developed a bit of a difficulty with new people over the past two months since she was at daycare and I anticipate that the first couple weeks will include tough morning goodbyes.  I am happy that I now have the experience to know that it will not last forever and that soon, our routine will calm. 

Even though our lives are sometimes upside down, and the days seem impossibly long and short all at the same time, I can truly say that I have nothing to complain about.  We all love each other, we have an amazing support system and are blessed beyond belief.  Life is crazy but life is good and although there are moments that seem to implode it all, when the dust settles, the goodness is all that remains.  And for that, I am truly grateful.

Thank you summer - you were a gem.  Hello fall, please take it easy on us.