Exactly one month ago, you were born. I wrote your brother and sister these types of letters and I promise to do the same for you. My hope is that one day you will enjoy reading them, that it will tell you a little about your first years of life and remind you that from the second you were born, you were loved & adored.
My dearest child, you were late. 10 days late in fact. Let it be known that for the next 100 years, each and every time you are late I will remind you that it is in fact how you came into the world. I did not enjoy waiting around for those 10 extra days, but looking back on it now, on the other side of it all, I am glad that we had them. You see, your Dad was on summer holidays and because we were hopefully having a baby any minute of any day, nobody really expected anything of us. For this reason, we were able to have some last minute fun with your brother and sister and take them in a little more before life slowed down and we started all over. We did a lot of fun things in those ten extra days, and I promise that next summer, they will all include you.
When you finally decided it was time to meet face to face, you did not waste any time and for that, I thank you. If you are lucky enough to be blessed with a child one day, I hope and pray that you experience the pregnancies and labours that I do. For the most part, you took it easy on me and although the process of birthing a child is pretty much the worst thing ever, you at least spared me in its duration.
The first thing I thought of when you were born was that I could not believe that you were a girl. Even though I would have been thrilled to have a boy, if I'm being honest here I did want a girl. The moment the doctor announced you were a girl I felt incredibly unworthy. It was almost too amazing to believe as ultimately I got everything I wanted. When your brother was born I wanted a boy. When your sister was born, I wanted a girl. To think that we went 3/3 was and is almost too much. Your father and I have been blessed beyond measure - you capped it all off.
Your first few days in this world were like most with a newborn - a mixed bag. For the most part you were quite relaxed and content, however, like there always seem to be with tiny humans, you and I had a few moments. About 4 days after we brought you home, I could feel the exhaustion and emotion building up inside of me. Newborns are tough and I felt like my life had once again overnight become a never ending stream of endless nights and busy days with no time left for me or any real down time. It all came to a head one night and all I could do was cry. Your Dad bore the job of letting me vent, pulling me close and reassuring me that things would get better. I have to be honest, the cry felt good. A few minutes later you woke up from a nap. When I picked you up, for the first time, you really looked at me. Your eyes were wide and clear and your gaze met mine. At that moment, it was like your heart spoke to me and I realized what all the exhaustion and stress is for. I gave in right then and there and embraced what will be our lives for the next little while. Sure there will still be moments where I will long for some freedom and for the consistency that will come over time, however I know that it is all a process and that we will get there. For now, I will just enjoy your newness, your innocence, and the quiet sweetness you seem to radiate.
It is a different feeling, this time around with you than I had with your brother and sister. You, my sweet girl, are my last baby. I knew that going into the pregnancy and the ten months you spent brewing inside of me and the 90 minutes you spend being born solidified that I was done. The shop is closed. You have completed us.
I don't know much about you yet, except that you seem to understand that you are not the only one demanding my time and attention around here. You are patient and kind and have allowed us to carry on with some normalcy this past month. Thank you for that. I know your siblings thank you for that as they have not had to sacrifice much since your arrival. You have been portable and gone with the flow in many situations. I know as you wake up a little more this will become harder for you but for now, I will take advantage of your ease.
Speaking of your brother and sister, they really do love you. Colin is very protective of you and Addy is obsessed with knowing where you are and what you are doing. They have both been super sweet and dotted on you since the moment you were born. I am sure that as you grow and become an equal player around here you three will have your moments, however for now, they could not love you more.
Littlest one, you are a dream. I look at you and dream about the person you will become. I wonder what will make you you. I wonder what will make you happiest and what will drive you crazy. I wonder if you will be sensitive like your brother, dramatic like your sister, or some new kind of crazy we don't even know about yet. I wonder if you will clutch onto a stuffed animal like your brother and sister do with Eeyore and Baby. I wonder if you will talk my ear off or need to have details pried out of you. I wonder so much about who you will be and what will drive you. Those dreams and that wonder is what makes this crazy ride so incredibly worth it. No matter how long the days might be, or even longer the nights seem to drag, building a person is unlike anything else. There is no better gift and no more rewarding a job. You have been in-trusted to us and I commit everything I am and everything I have to you. You have made our family complete, shaken it all up once again, and started another new chapter in our lives. This is to you, baby girl, and to forever as my love for you is one with no beginning and no end. I am yours.
Love you x1,
Mama
xoxo
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