Month 11.

Dear Aubrey,

A few days ago, you turned 11 months old.  As your 1st birthday approaches, ever so near, I can hardly believe that before we know it we will be celebrating that milestone.  In some ways, I feel like we just met, but in others I can hardly remember you as a baby.  The past 11 months have at times flown by, however at times they have also dragged.  Having three little kids has proven wonderfully hard - just as having one and two children both were.  Let's be clear, you were meant to be part of this family.  In some ways, I always knew I would meet you one day, always knew that this household needed you, always knew that my heart longed for you, always knew that you were mine.  With all of that squared away, let's also be clear that your entry and your permanence has at times been difficult.  And this month, it seemed to be magnified...

I feel like you woke up a little this month.  All of a sudden you had opinions and you found your spunk.  To be fair, you were a bit sick this month so that may have attributed to your general moodiness however I don't think it was entirely a coincidence.  You have started to voice your needs and desires a little more loudly these days, as well as any displeasure.  This displeasure is most often directed at your sister (and for the most part I can't blame you) however I still haven't quite gotten used to it coming from you.  For the better part of 10 months, you were simply a pawn around here.  Able to go anywhere, flexible and a general team player but sometime this month things shifted.  I do attribute some of your frustration to the fact that you are still immobile.  You can slide/push yourself forward if you are motivated by raisins, however if that raisin is even a centimeter further than you feel you can move, you have zero desire to even try.  I can't decide if you do not possess the skills to move forward or if you are simply lazy.  In all honesty, it's probably a combination of both.  Third babies have many helpers, many small people who continually get things for them and many adults who dote on them and pick them up whenever they need.  At this point, 11 months in, I am somewhat ready for you to start exploring.  I almost cringe writing that, knowing what chaos a crawling baby can create, however your immobility is getting a little old.  You officially have my permission to start moving.  Now go!

It wasn't until this month that I really realized that I have 3 kids.  Obviously I always knew that the 3 of you existed and that I in fact birthed you all, but it wasn't until this past month that I truly realized what that meant.  It has dawned on me that not only do I have three kids, but that I also have 3 opinions, 3 personalities, 3 unique spirits to manage now.  At this point, basically at ground zero, that task seems a little daunting.  I want nothing more than to be what you need as a Mom, but just as much as I want that for you, I want that for your brother and sister as well.  And this is where it gets tricky, for what you need may not be what they need, and then how does that work?  How can I equally yet effectively manage, support and guide each of you?  At this point I have more questions than answers and if there was a perfect-parenting-3-children-guide I would have ordered it months ago.  But right along with all those questions lie just as many promises.  No matter how hard things get, how crazy you three make me, how busy our lives get, how pulled in a million directions we find ourselves, I promise that I will never stop trying to be everything that you need.  Let's just be clear here: everything you need may not always be everything that you want, but my sweet girl, I promise you that someday you will understand, just like I do when looking back on my own childhood.  I promise that every decision will be rooted in the very deepest of love, and even when I make the wrong decision or say the wrong thing, know that I am trying my very best.  That is the best I can promise you - I will always do what you need, I will always love you, I will always do my best.  You deserve nothing less, in fact, you deserve more than I could ever give you, but for now, let's just both bring our A games and I'm sure we will end up just fine.

Here's to you at 11 months new.

Love, 

Mama

xoxo

3.

Dear Addy,

A couple of weeks ago, you turned 3 years old.  Quite honestly, I feel like I have been waiting a LONG time for you to turn 3.  Maybe it's the fact that almost everybody guesses that you are actually 4 years old when they meet you.  Or maybe it's the fact that over the past year, you have truly and completely transformed.  When I watch videos of you from your 2nd birthday, I can hardly believe that they were shot only a year ago.  You just seem like such a baby back then, and today, today my sweet girl, you are anything but a baby.  You are a full blown, full emotion, full drama kid.

As I sit down to write this letter to you, if I am being honest, I am not sure quite where to begin.  Trying to describe you, trying to explain what you're like on this day, at this age, is harder than it was when your brother turned 3.  Because my sweet girl are what I like to call "a mixed bag".  While your brother was (and is) predictable, rational and calm, you are most definitely not.  You are so many wonderful, amazing things, but predictable, rational, and calm do not fit your bill.

You are a talker.  I kind of have a feeling that this trait may stay with you in the long run.  95% of the time, I love this about you.  I love hearing the random thoughts and questions going through your mind and love that you tell me each and every one of them.  I love that you keep me company and make even the most mundane tasks and errands fun, just by being there to chat my ear off.  Even though at times I wish I could mute you, I try very hard to remind myself to let you keep talking.  Because you see, even though what you have to say now may be trivial (and perhaps a touch annoying from time to time), what you have to say in 10, 20, 30, 40, etc years most definitely will not.  And I want to hear it all.  I want you to always talk to me.  I want to hear all your troubles, all your fears, all your questions and all your pains.  And I don't want you to ever even question it, I just want you to see me, and have it all spew out.  So for now, even on those days where your voice makes my blood boil (ok, that might be a bit extreme but you get the idea),  I will take a deep breath and listen to your every word.

You are a lover of life.  You love people, animals, dolls, toys, snacks, errands...I could go on.  I have never seen any child get so excited for a glass of milk, or a trip to the grocery store, or a favourite TV show.  As much as your moods may shift from one second to the next, when you are up, you are WAY up.  Your joy for life and your excitement for our days is a true testament to the joy we should all be living and be seeking.  And in turn, because you radiate this love, I am convinced that people cannot help but fall in love with you back.  Of all the people that Jake could choose to sit with on the couch, he almost always chooses you (unless Papa is over - but nobody can compete with him).  Aubrey looks for you the second she wakes up to the second she goes to sleep.  Everywhere we go, people gravitate to you, your smile, your joy and your love.  It's just your way.  You have a gift my sweet girl and I cannot wait to see where it takes you and what you can do with it.

You are an energetic one.  I cannot stress this point enough.  In your two year old letter I commented about how well and hard you sleep.  Thankfully this trait remains to this day.  However, if anyone went as hard as you do while awake I think they would sleep just as well.  You go from the second you wake up to the second you go to bed.  And because of this speed and this exuberance, when you mix in a little clumsiness and being on the taller side, that adds up to falling - a lot.  You fall, trip, get hurt so often that it's a little ridiculous already.  You have withstood so many bumps on your head (like golfball bumps) that I have lost count.  So which is it?  Are you such a good sleeper because you are just so tired, or are you permanently concussed?  TBD, I suppose :).

You are a wild one.  It honestly pains me to write this, because your wildness causes me so much grief, so much frustration, but I secretly love it.  I love your spirit, your fire and your spark.  I love that I know with complete certainty that no one will ever take advantage of you.  I love that your mood can go from devastated to joyful in a mere moment (but not so much the other way around).  

You are a game changer.  This past year it has been truly solidified in my mind, however I think to some degree I always knew that you were.  From your first few days there was just something different about you.  And each and every day since then you have made your presence known.  Moving forward, I am so very certain that you are going to do amazing things.  You are just the type.  You have an inner spirit and that special something that makes people gravitate towards you, listen to you, want to be around you.  You are a sweet soul.  You are crazy, but you are a sweet soul.

If there is one thing that I know for sure, it's that over the past year you have challenged me.  You have kept me on my toes, forced me to think outside the parenting box and change my game plan countless times.  There are countless moments where I have had to pause and take deep breaths in order for me to keep my cool.  But, interspersed among those moments of frustration are even more moments of pure love.  The kind of love that makes my heart feel like it is going to explode.  The kind of love that makes me feel like there is no way I got so lucky to have you as my daughter.  The kind of love that makes every hard moment disappear.  You are that love and you exude that love each and every day.  You are a talker, a lover, an energetic one, a wild one and a game changer and I am so very proud to call you mine.  You make everything extra special.

As per tradition around here, here is your 3rd birthday interview.  It's you.  And I love it.

Love to you, my girl, my light, my joy.  Happiest x3 and for forever.

Love,

Mama
xoxo