Babyproofing.

I have many great friends and am so thankful for each and every one of them.  One of those great friends is Susie Pierce (nee Laping).  Susie and I met years ago, but then reconnected when I took her job at the WMBA as she was moving to Florida to marry a wonderful man.  Susie and I both had baby boys around the same time and have enjoyed weekly talks ever since they were born.  During our talks, we cover everything and anything and rarely is anything off limits.  Obviously, we talk a lot about our kids and motherhood as many of the frustrations and challenges we face are the same.

A few weeks ago while Susie was visiting Winnipeg, she gave me the book "Babyproofing Your Marriage".

Susie came across the book at a local second hand store near her home down south and after reading it herself, thought it would be something I would enjoy and benefit from as well.

The book does a great job of cutting to the chase.  Becoming a mother is hard.  It is hard on yourself and it is hard on your marriage.  It is extremely easy to fall into deep and dark holes filled with tears - both yours and the babies.  The book goes through a few of the biggest problems marriages often face after the addition of a baby and gives practical examples of how to avoid and work through each and every one of them.  For me, it also confirmed the fact that the feelings of inadequacy, frustration and exhaustion are more common that many others like to admit.  In fact, I would bet that the vast majority of mothers, especially new ones experience these feelings and this book solidifies that it is OKAY.  It does not make you a bad mother, it does not mean you don't love your kids, and it does not mean that you will feel this way forever.

I would like to preface the following post with the fact that I LOVE MY KIDS.  I love being a MOM.  It is an incredible blessing, something I am not worthy of, and I wouldn't change anything for anything.  That being said... sometimes, it's hard.

As I have never tried to hide, having a child, and now children, has been a major adjustment for me.  I am very much a controller and a planner and having kids kind of puts a damper on all of those things.  Over the past 2 years,  I have struggled a number of times with the reality that is now my life and this book helped me to identify and accept the changes and embrace the differences.

A few weeks ago, Jason and I went on a date, something we do not do enough.  We had dinner in our old neighbourhood where we lived PC (pre children) and enjoyed a nice drive down our old street after dinner.  We reminisced about how nice it was to live there and how fun it was to be so close to so many shops, restaurants and walking paths, something I miss because it is so different compared to where we live now.   We talked about how nice it was to take our dog for late night walks down Wellington Crescent and how it just isn't the same in the country.  After a few minutes of the memories, we both realized that it wasn't our house on Campbell that we missed so much, it is the lives we lived before we had kids.  The fact of the matter is that even if we did still live there, we would not be taking walks together at 9:00 p.m.  Kids, and 7:30 bedtimes put a damper on that kind of activity.  "Babyproofing Your Marriage" reminded me that I need to quit trying to get my old life back.  It is gone.  It is time to accept and surrender to the chaos.  The book is right.  When the house is a mess, both kids are crying, you're eating grilled cheese for supper (again), and I haven't been anywhere but Superstore for a week, I plan on trying to take a minute, laugh, and realize that before I know it these days will be gone and I will desperately want them back.

Another section of the book that really resonated with me is something the authors call the mommy chip  - I am sure many other Mom's suffer from it as well.  From the second Colin was born, the chip was activated and had never for a second, turned off.  As a Mom, my mind is constantly spinning. What time is it?  When will we need to eat again?  Do I have enough diapers?  Whose diaper needs changing?  Will their winter coats fit come winter?  How much milk is left in the fridge?  Are we hitting developmental milestones?  What nursery school will we attend?  It never ends and it never stops.  Something I have struggled with is accepting that I now have this chip and will most likely have it for the rest of my life, the questions will simply change as the kids get older.  Accepting that I have this chip is challenging, but I think I am getting there.  Tougher, is accepting and not punishing Jason for NOT having one.  It is just the way it is.  Men and Dad's can turn it off, or resist its implantation from the very beginning.  We cannot.  It is not their fault and it is not anything they are doing on purpose to simply to stick it to us.  Their minds simply work differently.  Although it drives me crazy, Jasons mind will never work like mine and the more I think about it, the more I realize that that is a very good thing for our marriage.  Although I can't turn it off, Jason reminds me to pause it from time to time.  He helps me go with the flow more and enjoy my time away without feeling the need to check in.  He helps me stay grounded and not get carried away with questions, worries and planning.

The best thing I brought away from the book is the fact that if you want your husband to help you, and I do, than you have to let him do it his way.  I am not good at this.  I was even worse when it was just Colin.  I have realized that I can't expect him to want to help me if everything he does also comes with criticism.  He may have a different way to swaddle, a different bed time for Colin, and different clothes to put them in when getting them dressed but that HAS to be okay with me.  He isn't me and he doesn't do things exactly like I do, but that doesn't mean his way is wrong.

A large section of the book talks about scorekeeping within a marriage and how easy it can be to start keeping score after a baby comes into the picture.  Everything we do both at home and at work is included in the "score" and resentment starts to grow.  The book talks a lot about how women feel abandoned at home all day with the kids, wanting their husbands help with more household tasks and help with the kids, and men feel their financial contribution by working all day is enough.  I doubt the book intended to help me in this particular way, but reading this section reminded me just how good I have it.  The fact of the matter is that Jason is a huge help to me.  He willingly takes Colin whenever he can, helps around the house, and is constantly working on projects in order to finish our home.  Don't get me wrong, their have been times where we, like any marriage, have been frustrated with each other and the amount of support we were getting, but for the most part, we are pretty good.

The last part of the book that really resonated with me was the section discussing the pressure Mom's put on themselves.  We all want to be the perfect Mom - I am no exception.  That being said, I also want a career.  The book explains that the women of our generation have been told since birth that we can do anything we want.  We can climb the corporate ladder just like men can and that no job is out of reach.  Having a career and being a Mom is not impossible - women having been doing it for years.  However, doing both perfectly, is.  The fact of the matter is that something, somewhere has to give.  I do plan on going back to work next year and although would prefer part time, know that sometime in the near future, I will probably work full time.  If I am going to do that, I am going to have to realize that I am probably not going to be able to stay on top of everything at home.  The house will not always be clean.  My kids clothes will not always be folded and put away.  I will not always be able to bring home made snacks to soccer.  It is simply impossible to do both to perfection.  It will not be easy for me  but reading this book has reminded me that it is ok and at the end of the day, Colin and Addy will be just fine with wrinkly clothes, granola bars, and messy rooms.  Women have such a bad habit of judging and making each other feel somehow less worthy for the decisons they have made.  Working Mom's judge stay at home mom's for not "working".  Stay at home Mom's judge working mom's for putting their kids in daycare.  We judge, judge, judge and I can include myself in that "we".  This book reminded me that at the end of the day, we are all working towards the same goal - doing what is best for our kids.  For me, I know that working out of the home is better for my kids.  I am a happier, more fulfilled person when I am working and in turn, a better Mom.  The book reminded me that each mother needs to make their own decision for what is best for them and at the end of the day, women need to support each other for each one, and feel blessed that we even have a choice to make.

I would really recommend this book to any couple who is planning on welcoming children into their marriage, or who have already taken the plunge.  It is a great reminder of how a baby can affect marriage, and how it important it is for both the husband and wife to ensure they are supporting, helping and communicating with each other through it all.  It is also a bit of a pep talk for any Mom who is feeling a little less than perfect and who struggles sometimes to make it through the day.

Bottom line is that the book reminded me that my marriage is doing pretty well through it all, however that I never want to stop working on us.  Jason and I have tried very hard to communicate and vent when we need so that pent up emotions and frustrations don't snowball and blow up in each others faces.  That being said, at the end of the day, Jason still makes me smile, makes me swoon, and makes me fall in love all over again.  Looking at Jason also reminds me of what commitment truly is.  I have realized after reading this book that no one would ever love our children as much he does.  No one else in the world could ever share that with me, ever.  That is something worth working on each and every day and doing whatever we can to ensure that we stick together and team play our way through these years.  At the end of them all, we will hopefully have wonderful children and an even better marriage than we started with.  It is then that we will travel the world, love on our grandchildren (fingers crossed), enjoy each others company, and most importantly... sleep A LOT more.

3 Months.

Dear Addy,

Well little girl, we made it.  3 months is always the goal when you have a newborn as you are now, officially, not a newborn anymore, you are a full fledged baby.  Even though I am glad to be through the initial months, I really can't complain too much about what has taken place around here lately.  You are what is known as an angel baby.  You truly are the most content, happiest, most social little girl.  You are sleeping like a champ and giving me 10-11 hours of uninterrupted down time each and every night.  You are super happy in the late evenings sometimes but are getting better at going down each and every night.  I cannot remember the last time I got up with you between the hours of 10 p.m. and 7 a.m.  You are a sleeper.  Praise the Lord.  This past month, you became even more alert and LOVE to be held outward so you can see the world. You still aren't awake for a whole heck of a lot during the day (or at night for that matter), but for the few moments between eating and going back to bed, you are so much fun to watch.  One of my biggest complaints with your brother at this age was that I felt like he was never happy.  No matter what I tried, I couldn't please him.  You, my sweet girl, are the opposite.  You love your swing (especially now that I have figured out that it can sit even more upright), love your gym, but more than anything, love to just sit in the crack of a couch and take it all in.  You are so strong already and can sit like that for as long as I let you.

You are getting so big.  At the doctor a few weeks ago you came in at 14lbs and 24 inches putting you in the 94th percentile for both.  I think it is clear...your Dad and I do not make small kids.  Thankfully, even though you are a lady tank, you still have a softness to you.  Your features are dainty and your eyes sparkle.  Your hair is crazy and I have no idea what to do with it.  I think at this point, it just has to grow and we'll see where we are in a few months.  I promise that I will introduce you to a hair straightener when it becomes socially acceptable so you can avoid the years of half straight/half curly coifs that I sported for the better part of the 90's.  Your eyes are still so very blue which makes me wonder if they will stay that way.  People say you look like me and I can't help but agree.  I love that.

I have a very long list of wants for you.  More than anything else though, I want you to be a strong woman.  As your Grandpa always said to me "we need more assertive young women in this society."  I want you to strive to be whatever it is you desire.  I want you to be strong in your beliefs, your values and your integrity.  I hope that I can help you establish these things early on so that when the teenage and early adulthood years arrive, you are well versed in them all.  I want you be confident in yourself and be able to solve your own problems.  I want you to face issues head on and not avoid confrontation.  I want you to be able to express your feelings and say what you really mean, no matter what others may think.  I want you to be strong.  I will do what I can to help, and I promise you that I will do anything I can to encourage and support you through tougher times.  When I was growing up and had a problem with someone (usually a friend, teacher or coach), my parents really encouraged me to confront whomever I had the issue with and come to a resolution.  They did not fight my battles for me and in turn really taught me how to deal with people, even difficult ones.  I owe my people skills wholly to them and I will try my best to give you that same gift.  So far, your head strength is your only strength, but you have to start somewhere, right?  At least we're moving in the right direction.

Last weekend, we had your cousins, Cole and Lily here for the weekend as their parents went to an out of town wedding.  For 3 days, I got to experience what it is like to have a 3 year old girl around these parts.  It became very clear, very quickly, the differences between boys and girls as Cole and Colin pretty much did their own thing and Lily, was stuck to me like glue.  There were very few moments over the course of the weekend where I was alone as Lily always wanted to know what was going on, "help", or simply chat about anything and everything.  It reminded me just how much more social girls are and that I should be ready for that to be you in a just a few short years.  While I love Colin's independence, I'm sure I will also love the closeness that you and I will hopefully share.

It is still hard to believe that I have TWO children.  Let's be honest here, it is still hard to believe that I have ONE child.  I have been doing a lot of reading these days about parenthood, and marriage after kids and one line that really resonated with that is if life is like swimming, having kids is simply treading water.  You don't get anywhere for at least the first five years, you are simply trying to stay afloat.  I'm sorry to tell you, especially if you have your own kids one day, but I can't help but agree with this metaphor.  Ever since your brother was born, and magnified even more with you, life has not been...ummm...restful.  Your Dad and I have just been treading water, getting through each and every day and staying on our toes as schedules, temperaments and stages continue to change daily.  As easy as you are, you, like any newborn, come with your challenges and frustrating days.  We are in fact treading, however you, my sweet girl, at least make the water warm.  Your smiles, your laughs, your stories make even the more tiring days feel wonderful.  You are my sweetest girl.

Love you to forever and always x3,

Mama
xoxo

Summer Projects: Updated.

The summer is approaching its half way mark and thankfully we are well on our way to completing all the outdoor projects we had earmarked to take place over the 2 months Jason is away from school.  

The planter boxes and a few shrubs have been planted as well as the fascia on the deck installed and stained.  It will take a few years for the hydrangea, weigelas and lilac tree to fill out but I am going to try my best to be patient and just add to the boxes little by little.





The peak has been completed...





Our house finally has its sign and numbers...



Next on the list - downspouts...

Our summer list is starting to look a little less daunting.  Like I have said before, there is no better feeling than crossing off jobs that seem to have been on our list forever.  Although this is only our 2nd summer in this house, it feels great to know that as time goes on and the sharpie gets a workout almost daily, we are one step closer to having the completed home we have dreamt about from the start.

2 Months.

Dear Addy,

Just as I predicted in my one month letter to you, this past month has flown by.  It is amazing what a difference one month can make when you're dealing with a newborn.  A little over 4 weeks ago I was still struggling with getting you figured out and integrating you into the routine I had engrained into Colin.  Today, things are working so well it almost scares me as I don't quite believe it.  You are so easy that I am just waiting for the day where everything will change and you will become more like your brother was at your age. Here's hoping that day never comes!

You have mostly slept and ate the past month away, but you did open you eyes from time to time to say hello and gift us with your first smiles.  You have grown so much and are officially out of your first sets of clothes.  We also experienced our first blip this month when you and I both had thrush.  Although it was not very much fun for either of us, you took it like a champ and besides some mild discomfort during the day, you still slept like a log and battled through your meds.  I think you are going to be tough.  I love that.  When I was pregnant with you and still doing Cross Fit 3 times a week, I used to think about you while there and hope that by battling through even the toughest work outs, I was setting an example for you of what it means to be tough.  So far, you seem to have been paying attention.

We travelled for the first time with you this month as well, first with a long weekend at Bird Lake, and next with a whole week at Westhawk Lake.  You were so happy and slept so well during both trips that at times, I almost forgot you were there.  Besides a bit of a rash, you soaked in the heat and enjoyed having different people to hug and love on you.  You did not so much enjoy the water, but I can't say that I am surprised as the lake water is substantially cooler than your warm bath and cozy bed.

This past week, for really the first time since you were born, your brother started to pay attention to you.  All of a sudden he is extremely concerned with where you are and what you are doing.  He says "Hi, Addy" over and over again and wants to help by getting me diapers and finding your soother when you are crying.  Watching him care for you so gently makes me wonder what is in store for your relationship with him as you get older.  I am sure I will spend many years as a referee between you two, but I sincerely hope that you two are close one day.  He loves you so much already and although I am sure there will come a day where he would swear he doesn't, I know that you will always hold a special place in his heart.  Thank you for putting up with him as his touch is sometimes not as gentle as I request and his voice is often louder than I would like.  You don't seem to mind.

This month, the dust settled and life returned to our new normal.  I owe this to you.  If it wasn't for you, and exactly the way you are, I am not sure I would be able to say that just yet.  I still cannot believe what a good baby you are.  A few weeks ago, you officially slept through the night for the first time.  Although you don't make it that far every night, you are gifting me with 10 straight hours of sleep about 4 times a week and I feel like a new person as a result.  The other 3 nights are pieces of cake with just a short visit around 5 a.m.  The fact that you are doing this on a consistent basis at only 2 months old is something I never expected but is a gift I have no problem accepting.

Oh sweet one, you are my most favorite little girl.  You make me laugh, you make me dream, and above all, you make me love all over again.  Falling in love with you each and every day is the most perfect way to spend the summer.  I look so forward to the next 6 weeks we have your Dad for as having him around means everything is just better.  Not only do we get to spend more time together as a family, but we also get to spend more time just you and I, as he and Colin can go off on their own.   It's you and me, and the boys, my friend.  


I love you, I adore you, I cherish you.  I have for the last 2 months plus the 10 before I knew you.  In a way, I have loved you since the moment I met your father and he and I started dreaming about the kids we hoped we would meet one day.  You are everything I hoped you would be and more.  I hope that I am always what you need, even when you don't see it that way at the time.  I promise I will always try to steer you in the right direction and be there for you when you need me.  You, your brother and your father are my everything and I am so lucky to share with you your every moment.   You are my joy.  You are my light.  You are my Addy. 


Love you to always and forever x2,


Mama
xoxo

Hearting on Summer.

We were extremely fortunate to borrow my sister and her husbands cabin for the week, in order to get away, spend some time with friends, and enjoy the summer.  And summer, it was.  It was extremely hot all week and only rained during one late evening, giving us ample beach and water time.

When we first arrived, my sister and family were still there so we were able to go on a boat ride around the lake.  Jason also tried wakeboarding for the first time - to which he did great!  Unfortunately I did not have my camera on the boat to capture it all, but I can vouch that he did get up.  Colin loved the boat, and Addy slept the whole time so I am going to go ahead and assume that she did too.

Here is our week, in pictures.

Some fun with straw glasses...

New toys to play with...

A perfect reading chair in the screen room to catch up on magazines that have sat all school year...

More reading chairs and books...

Lots of time in the water...

Addy did not so much enjoy her first plunge...

A trip to the beach...

A bath in the sink...

Fun with a friends...

A visitor...

A beautiful cottage with views that even make doing dishes fun...

Lots of smiles...

Lots of time to relax and nap (at least for her)...

And most importantly, family.

The curse is broken.

Thanks to some friends of ours, Tat & Mark Penner (Tat can be found here) we have had the opportunity to visit their cabin at Bird Lake for the past number of years.  I came a number of times before I met Jason, and he has made the trip at least yearly ever since coming into the picture.  Every single time I have come, the weather has blown.  It has been cold, rainy, windy, rainy, or every possible combination of the list, each and every time I graced the cabin with my presence.  I had no other choice but to accept the fact that I was cursed.  If I wasn't there for the weekend and our friends went up, it was pretty much a guarantee that the weather would be stellar from their arrival, right up until the moment they left.  This July long weekend was when everything changed.  We finally got what we had been waiting for...a beautiful, glorious, perfectly hot and clear weekend.

While wading in the water with Tat, we both commented on how THIS is the Manitoba that makes us so incredibly grateful and blessed to be able to have, only an hour and half from our doorstep.  When I lived in BC, I was the recipient of many dumfounded looks when I commented that I would be returning home after school was over.  To residents of BC, they simply could not comprehend why I would ever want to live in Manitoba (side note - almost all had never ever been here, but for some reason felt they knew what it was all about).  Aside from the fact that almost all my family and friends live within minutes of us, the wonderfulness of cottage country is one of my most favorite things about this province.  I wish I could bring each and every one of the naysayers here...

For Colin, the weekend was full of firsts for him as well...

 

For Addy, she spent most of the weekend eating and sleeping as we are growth spurting around here at our 8 week mark.  Bottom line is she very much enjoyed the restfulness of the cabin as well.  Clearly...

The one first she did have is a bath in a cottage sink - something that I had many of growing up at Falcon Lake.

What a great weekend.  We are so thankful to have the friends we do, as weekends without their company would not be the same.  As we left yesterday, rain started to fall, only moments after our departure - perfect timing.  I couldn't help but think that maybe I BROUGHT the good weather this time instead of being the reason for its arrival.

The curse is broken and we look forward to many more weekends at Bird Lake.  Hopefully now that I have brought some good weather we will be invited back! 

The Tower.

Something I think every father experiences with their sons...towers don't stand a chance around here.