9 Months.

Dear Addy,

A few days ago you turned 9 months old.  This past month has been a bit of a challenge as you have been quite sensitive and needy.  You got 6 new teeth and I can only imagine that they were the source of some of your tears, however they did not seem to interrupt your sleep at all which makes me think that maybe you were milking it a little while awake :).   You are still the best sleeper I could have ever asked for.  You have completely dropped your third nap and now have a solid 2 or 2.5 hour nap in the morning and in the afternoon.  13 hours of nighttime sleep rounds you off.  It still constantly amazes me how much sleep you need/want.  You can be at your ultimate crankiness, but as soon as your head hits your bed, you silence, cuddle your baby and instantly love life again.  You really are a sleeping dream.

A few days ago I started looking through pictures of your brother at your same current age.  I can't help but think that he looks so much more like a little boy than a baby, where you my friend, still very much look like a baby to me.  Your brother was substantially bigger than you at this age,  however he was also very close to crawling.  You are most definitely no where near any kind of movement and actually cry every time I place you on your stomach.  Not your thing.  Perhaps you will never crawl and will simply start pulling up and in time, walk, however at this point, you don't seem to be going anywhere.  You have started to refuse to sit, and lock your legs so that whomever is holding you has to continue to do so, or simply hold you standing as you play.  It's really, really annoying.  The other day, I spent a good half an hour getting you and your brother dressed to go outside for a walk, which was in itself exhausting and frustrating.  Once we finally got outside and I attempted to sit you in the wagon, you instantly locked your legs and refused.  There was absolutely no way I was not going for the walk as intended after the amount of time it took me to get us all ready, therefore I simply lied you down, much to your protest and started our walk.  You hated it and you hated me, but walk, we did.  Your locked legs weren't going to stop me.

This month, we said goodbye to breastfeeding for good and hello! to formula and a sippy transition cup (your final choice after rejecting a fortunes worth of other bottles and cups).  As soon as we were done, I felt the chains come off and my freedom come back to me.  You also perked up and have come to terms with the reality of your life, as far as liquid feedings go.  I would almost go as far as to say that you like it.  While giving you your milk the other day, I had a rather sad realization.  For the past 9 months, I feel like I have simply carted you around and spent our days waiting for you to wake up, rather that actually enjoy your company and your little personality and joy.  I feel very guilty that I have let the last 9 months pass by and haven't taken very many opportunities to enjoy you and bask in your love for me.  You have started to become quite attached to me and although frustrating at times, I think I need to redirect that frustration and feel just how blessed I am to have a tiny person who wants nothing more than to just BE WITH ME.  I need to start to enjoy my time with you more and promise to try and take opportunities to take you places alone just me with so that we can have our own time and I can focus my attention directly on you.

When I think about the past 9 months, I have so many amazing memories.  You truly are an amazing baby and have gifted us with sleep and smiles and fun.  Mixed in with those ups have been some long nights, even longer days, and difficulties along the way.  I read a quote the other day that I think can sum up parenthood more perfectly in words that I could ever. It says...

"Nobody said it would be easy.  They said it would be worth it."

Easy is definitely not a word I would use to describe being a parent.  Having a baby is most definitely not easy, nor is having a toddler and kid.  All the stages that I have experienced as a mother thus far are no where near anything remotely close to easy.  You and your brother have challenged me and pushed me to change and adapt more than I ever imagined I would need to do.  I have sacrificed my body, my time and things that I thought I wanted, however that ALL being said, it has all been worth it.  You are both well worth it all and I can say with complete confidence that at the end of it all, when you are grown and gone, I will totally agree that although difficult, every minute was worth it all.

You, my sweet girl, are lovely.  Your blue eyes shine and everywhere we go people constantly stop to love on you and gush.  You have a way of attracting attention more than your brother ever did or can. You are the life of every room you enter and command attention.  I am so excited to see where the next month takes us and how much you will grow and change throughout each and every day.

Love you to forever and always x9.

Love,

Mama
xoxo

Project Life - The Beginning

A number of month ago I started ready Elise's blog as she tackles many crafting and sewing projects that hit my taste exactly.  One of the major ongoing projects she completes is Project Life.  Project Life is basically a more structured and laid out form of picture archiving and scrapbooking.  Scrapbooking has always been something I thought about starting, however I was extremely intimidated by the amount of product out there, the cost I assumed was involved, as well as the creativity and vision required to make books and pages look full and interesting.  All of these reasons kept me from starting any scrapbooks, although I did purchase a tool or paper set from time to time.  What I really wanted was some form of a venue to actually print some of the pictures I take from day to day and actually document, in print, memories and events.

Enter and welcome to project life.

I ADORE this project.  The project life kits come with picture sleeves (a few different layouts as well), as well as a massive amount of cards and paper, all which fit perfectly into the sleeves.  To me, this is the ideal type of "scrapbook".  Everything is straight, in order and each and every page looks full and complete.  I plan on dividing my book by month and completing 3-5 pages at the end of every one.

To this day, I love flipping through the photo books at my parents house that my Mom put together over the years.  I truly hope that the kids will enjoy doing the same with the ones I am creating now.  I only wish that I had started this sooner.  Regardless if they are interested or not, I know that I will most definitely frequent their pages often and enjoy the pictures and the text, all while taking trips through my memories.

And now, as Elise always says...It is month one and I LOVE this project.  I know that this love will continue for years to come!

8 Months.

Dear Addy,

A am a few days behind so let's just say that 2 days ago, you turned 8 months old.  This past month has definitely been your most unhappiest.  I would use the word fussy, but I really don't want to.  I hate that word.  It makes you seem like you are unable to be pleased and that is simply not true.  I know exactly what you want, I am just not prepared to do it therefore leading to your unhappiness.  The root of your unhappiness is two fold:

1. The dreaded wean.  Mexico is coming up (7 weeks!) and that my friend meant that it was inevitable that I would have to start weaning you.  When you were first born, you took a bottle like a pro.  I gave you between 2-3 bottles a week and you never had any difficulty.  Somewhere around 4 months of age however, you clued in to the difference and refused the bottle for the most part ever since.  You teased us from time to time with glimpses of acceptance but for the most part would go hungry before ever consuming any liquid that didn't come straight from the source.

As soon as our company left at Christmas we started.  I read in an article the other day that the reason you wean a baby can be summed up in two reasons.  For one, you as the mother are ready or for two, the baby is ready.  The article explained that in the perfect world, these two reasons would happen simultaneously.  I very much had this with your brother.  He pretty much self weaned and I was perfectly happy to be done too so easy peasy, just like that, he was weaned.  You my friend were most definitely not ready.  I'm sorry for that.  I gave you 7 and half months and although I know you would have preferred to go on, my pain threshold from your bites and my upcoming trip made the decision for me.  For the first week, I cut out one of your 4 feedings and gave you a bottle.  You pretty much never took it but I tried every single day - cue start of your unhappiness.  After the first week, you were drinking about an ounce consistently but not a drop more.  Week two came and we dropped another of your feedings and stayed with it.  I started adding a natural sweetener to your formula to try and entice you but have since given that up since it didn't seem to make a difference.  Today, I only nurse you in the morning and at night and you have started to accept the formula without protest.  You still don't drink a ton, but I can get about 3-4 ounces in you with each feeding - MAJOR PROGRESS.  Your unhappiness is subsiding slightly however I think you are still fairly mad at me.  I don't blame you.  All I can say is that I am glad your memory is still short.

2. Your never want to be put down.  I am pretty sure this root of your unhappiness is also caused by #1.  You are simply punishing me.  It's like you're saying -"fine, wean me.  But as a trade, I would like to be carried all day long".  Thank goodness you sleep as much as you do because when you are awake, you are exhausting.

So there it is - my theory on the root of your unhappiness.  You are not fussy, you just aren't getting what you want.  Let this be the first time of I'm sure thousands where I say to you what my father said to me just as many times - you can't always get what you want.

A few weeks ago on a day your Dad was home, he took your brother to run a few errands.  You got up from your afternoon nap and were less than impressed with life.  It finally occurred to me that we could do something that we hardly ever get a chance to do - go for a walk.  When your brother was your age, we used to walk every day around 4 o'clock to get the mail and also wait out the last hour or two before your Dad got home.  So, I bundled you up, grabbed the dog and off we went.  I had totally forgotten how nice walking with one contained child is.  You did not make a sound the whole time we walked so you must have liked it too.  I am sorry that we don't get to do that more often and that you miss out on a lot of the independent things that your brother and I did before you were born.  I promise that I will always set aside special time for just you and I and that as time goes on we will have our own adventures too.

Even though this month has seen more tears that normal, there have still been plenty of smiles and laughs.  You have started to really laugh at your brother and his crazy antics that he performs in front of you every chance he can get.  You two really seem to be hitting it off.

Basically baby, I hope that at some point soon, you forgive me for weaning you and we can go back to being happy all the time.  I know I have asked a lot of you over the past 8 months and you can add this to the list.  I think this is just one of those stages that seemingly take forever while you're living it, but looked back upon passed in the flash of an eye.  Kind of like when you wouldn't sleep anywhere between the hours of 11pm and 5am but on me.  When I was living those 2 weeks I thought things would never change, but as they always do, we made it through and are better because of it.  I have a feeling that you will be much happier once you can move around a bit and maybe once a tooth or two that's fighting its way in appears.  Until then, I will do my best to make you as happy as possible and when I have tried everything and nothing is working I will take a deep breath and trust that this two, as did everything in the past, will pass.

Little girl, you are still the sweetest.  You have an infectious smile and a TON of personality already at your young age.  I look so forward to what this new year has in store for you and for us.  I have a hard time believing that I am already brainstorming ideas for your 1st birthday.  It seems like just yesterday that we first laid eyes on you and introduced ourselves.  My love for you has grown exponentially since that day and I know that that will never stop.  You are my most favorite little lady and every day with you captures another piece of my heart.

Love you to forever and always x8,

Mama
xoxo

Fireplace Evolution

Since we moved in almost 2 and a half years ago, our fireplace has been a steady but SLOW project to progress.  Although we are still not quite done, we saw some major progress over the weekend that has totally changed the way it looks and functions.

Our fireplace, through the years...

Simply in place.

In place and functional.

In place, functional, and covered up.

In place, functional, covered up, and ready for scratch coat.

In place, functional, covered up, and scratch coated.

In place, functional, covered up, scratch coated and countertops installed (had to wait for IKEA for these).

In place, functional, covered up, scratch coated and countertops installed, doors hung.

What's left on the list?  An oak mantel that is currently in our basement ready for sanding and hanging, some millwork to truly make the "built-ins", built in, the rock that will cover the entire face and sides as well as some shelving for the non TV side.  Still a decent amount of work but will we chip away at it as time and budget allows.  The doors and countertop installation this past weekend is a huge addition since now the mass of toys on the right, and mass of wires on the left are finally tucked away and out of sight, something I have been looking forward to ever since we moved in.

The holidays list for us around here is short, as we are focusing on spending time with family and loving on little ones rather than working on the house.  We will however build and drywall the second bedroom downstairs so that our visitors all have their own space at night, as well as hopefully install the mantel to the fireplace before Christmas.  I have a couple of art projects on the go as well that I should be able to complete this week in time for the big day.  8 days - GO!

7 Months.

Dear Addy,

Today, you turn 7 months old.  It is Christmas time and you are just as sweet as ever.  We are busy getting ready for visitors and multiple family members who have never had the pleasure of meeting you yet.  They are all so excited to see you and I can't wait to show them just how wonderful you really are.  I know the holidays will be challenging for you as your schedule and sleep will be disrupted, but I am so very sure that you will suck it up and be just fine.  You are just that kind of baby.  So far, I have to admit, we have bought you nothing for Christmas (sorry).  I did buy you a pair of winter boots a month or so ago so I guess that will qualify as your present.  I promise that next year there will be a toy or two for you under the tree too.

You have started to move around a lot this month and can maneuver yourself pretty well by rolling and thrusting your body towards whatever you are after.  You love to sit and play and have officially become bored with some of your go to toys from the past few months.  You now much prefer your brothers things and it is so evident that new toys and things to chew on thrill you.

I love to look at your cousin Lily, who is 3 and a bit as I write this, and dream and wonder what kind of little girl you will be one day.  Lily is everything that little girls are.  She likes her dolls, her clothes and anything that is pink.  She is sensitive and dramatic and can change moods quicker than she can change outfits.  She is so much fun to watch and to be around and I can't help but think about you and imagine what you will be like as you grow.  Little boys are great, and I am so grateful that we have a boy as well, but there is something different and special about having a girl to me.  If Colin gets married one day, I simply have to hope that I am included and accepted by his wife.  You and I, my sweet girl, will be forever entwined for you are my daughter and for that reason, I have dibs on all the mother jobs for life.  I will not disappoint you - this I can promise.  I will be there for you each and every day, from now until forever.  Even when you hate me, even when you can't stand me, even when you don't think you need me.  I will simply wait in the background, and hang out in the shadows until you decide that you need me again.

This month, it became painfully (and I mean that literally) obvious that it is going to be extremely difficult to wean you to a bottle.  You have completely refused to take breast or formula from any kind of cup for the last month or so and have zero interest in anyone who tries.  To add injury to insult, you have started bitting me on a fairly regular basis, making me even more anxious to wean.  As Mexico approaches and our fight with the bottle continues, this month, my sweet, sweet girl, you are going to be in for some tough love.  Brace yourself for tears and for the ultimate in battles of wills.  Working in my favor is the pain of the bites and the beach in Mexico approaching so beware, I have A LOT of reasons to stay strong and fight you to the bitter end.  I know this month is going to be tough on you, and I would never do it this way if you didn't get me any other choice.  Please forgive me.  This who bottle saga is your only true flaw so I guess you aren't the perfect baby, however I love you just the same anyways.

A few days ago, the unthinkable happened and many young children were taken from this earth at the hands of another, all too early and extremely tragically.  At this point, I simply cannot read any more articles or listen to any more stories about it.  My heart can't take it.  I ache for those families and for the community whose worst nightmare has come true and cannot explain how deeply the incident awoken my deepest fears.  When people have kids, and you will know this one day if you ever do, your natural protective instincts kick in full force.  There is literally nothing I wouldn't do to protect you.  The scary thing that as a parent you have to come to terms with is that you simply can't protect your children like you want to.  Unfortunately there are always going to be risks and even keeping you at our side 24 hours a day for the rest of our lives gives no guarantee that harm won't find you.  Instead, all we can do is send you out into the world and pray that you will be safe.  I remember when I was a teenager and had my license, I was continually frustrated with the fact that my mother didn't want me driving home late at night.  I questioned her trust in me, to which she responded "I trust you, I just don't trust everyone else on the road at that hour."  It wasn't until you and your brother came into my life that I truly understood and agreed with her feelings.  It is a helpless feeling, when you feel like your babies are at the mercy of the world.  I suppose as parents, all we can do is pray and trust.

I remember when Colin was this age and I realized that my maternity leave was more than half over.  Part of me started to panic as I wanted the year to never end.  This time around, I have to admit, I am anxious to get back to work.  A small detail is that I don't actually have a job right now, as I left my last when you were born, but getting back into the work force and finding my next challenge and new direction is both exciting and energizing to me at this moment in time.  I know full well that my working will cause stress and anxiety for both of us, but I promise that in the end you will have a better mother because of it.  I may not always have time for everything to be homemade and every pinterest link to be explored, but I know that the positives of my working far outweigh the sacrifices.  I want you to know that even though I will probably always work outside the home, it is not ever because I wouldn't rather be with you and your brother.  It is simply something that I need, and our family needs.  I wish I did, but I do not feel fulfilled at home and know that working outside the home is something that I need.  Even though I may not always be there for your Dad's entire summer vacation, or to take you to school and pick you up each and every day, I promise that I will be better because of it.  I am going to really cherish and soak each and every minute with you guys for the next few months as I know that soon enough everything will change once again.

Baby girl, you are just awesome.  I love that you love life.  Even more, I love that you love sleep.  The world is awaiting for you as I know you are going to make it a better place for us all.  You have that way about you.  You command attention yet are patient and quiet.  You bring so much joy to this home and to this family and continue to make me feel so incredibly blessed to even know you, never mind be your mom.

Love you to forever and always x7.

Love,

Mama
xoxo

Santa through the years.

Today, for the third time in Colin's life, he went and visited Santa.  After last years painful showing, we talked A LOT about this day and what was going to happen, in hopes that we wouldn't have a repeat performance.  We went a visited Santa a few times in the mall and simply watched as the kids went up and got their pictures taken.  During one visit where there was nobody there, Santa waved us over so we walked (very slowly) up to him and chose to sit on a bench adjacent to his big seat.  Santa let Colin sit there for awhile and then after chatting for awhile (which mostly consisted of Santa talking and Colin smiling at him shyly), Santa came over and sat beside him.  Colin inched away but at the end of the visit gave Santa a high five and gladly accepted the candy cane.  This visit drastically altered our opinion of Santa and from that day on, Colin proudly proclaimed that he would sit on Santa's lap and that he was going to ask for "woodybuzz" (Woody and Buzz Lightyear from Toy Story) and today he did just that.  Addy was an oblivious as ever and although almost exposed Santa's fake beard by pulling on it, she tolerated it all perfectly.  I'm sure it will be her turn to freak out next year.

We have gotten our tree, we have hung our stockings, and now we have seen Santa.  We are ready for family, friends, food and all around memory making and fun.  Christmas is coming!

6 Months.

Dear Addy,

Today, you turn 6 months old and it is your official half birthday.  As always, I cannot believe that you have been part of our family for 6 whole months.  The time has flown by and my love for you has multiplied more times than mathematically possible (even though I'm sure your Dad would say that that is impossible, but you know what I mean).

Over the past month, you have officially grown 2 teeth, both on the bottom.  As I always expected, you took each one like a champ.  There were 3 separate 2 hour periods where I could tell they were really bothering you but for the most part they simply came in and you seemed unscathed.  You are now chewing on EVERYTHING and your arms are more like whips whose soul purpose is to get anything and everything into your mouth as quickly as possible.  You are grabbing at everything and have on more than one occasion taught me to be more careful with what I leave in your reach.  I forget more than a few times a day that you are not a helpless baby anymore and that you can and will grab what you can and it most definitely will end up in your mouth.

I know I say this every month, but you truly are just the bestest baby that ever lived.  You are so happy and smile and laugh constantly throughout the day.  A week ago we had a sad day where we attended Poppa's Aunts funeral who passed away earlier that week.  That day, my friend, was not your finest and you in a word, were miserable.  The funeral was in Gleboro and simply because of the timing, you were awake and happy all the way there, however when we arrived and it should have been nap time, you were simply not given the opportunity.  As the minutes passed, I could see your exhaustion growing and as the minutes turned to hours, the tears started to flow.  My girl, you were angry and you let everyone at that reception know it.  Your Nana commented that she doesn't think she had ever heard you cry before.  You are THAT good.  I will give you a mulligan for that day as I know you did your best and held it together as long as you possibly good.  We pushed you and you responded.

There has been a lot in the news lately about teenagers and bullying, most of which is done online now through social media outlets.  I can't help but think of you in 15 years or so and wonder if you will ever face similar issues.  I pray so hard that you will have a solid group of friends who will love you and protect you no matter what.  I was fortunate enough to have that in my teenage years and there are very few things that I want more for you.  I also promise you that I will protect you as long as humanly possible and do my best to instill the confidence needed to not be a target.  In the same breath, I also hope that I can trust you to be compassionate to others who may be struggling with bullies and be the one who stands up for what is right, instead of following the crowd.  I can promise you this, if I ever heard you contribute to any form of bullying, I would rip you a new one.  I have zero tolerance for that behaviour and I hope that you will listen and hear me when we talk about why we don't participate in any of that.  Today, as I look at your sweet, sweet face, I can't imagine you ever doing anything wrong, however I am all too aware that soon enough you will start to challenge and I will try to start to mold you into the wonderful teenager I am sure you will be (fingers crossed).

You are still big, but are nowhere near as big as your brother was at this age.  You still have not rolled over although at this point I am pretty sure you simply don't want too.  You roll completely on your side and then just hang out there for awhile before rolling back onto your back.  You seem happy enough just to live in those two positions while playing on the floor.  In time I know you will and I am in no rush for you to start so please, take your sweet time.

Six months ago, you did what nobody was prepared for and shook things up in this house and family with your arrival.  Although the first few weeks were a definite adjustment for me, I cannot thank you enough for the many that followed.  You have been a absolute joy and have become a part of me that will always be there.  You own more of my heart than I thought was available.  I can't believe that we are halfway to a year but look so forward to watching you through every day of the next six months where you will truly transform once again I'm sure and bring us even more joy than we have experienced since the day you were born.

Love you to forever and always x6.

Love,

Mama
xoxo