Aubrey.

This is painfully overdue, but I I owe our newest little girl a proper introduction around here.  With her birth comes a new reason to blog and a new commitment to keep documenting our lives.

Aubrey Norma Jean was born at 6:21 p.m. on Thursday, July 10th.

Waking up on her birthday I felt frustrated and exhausted.  I was 10 days overdue, scheduled for a second fetal assessment and even though on the list to be induced nowhere near the top.  Around lunchtime though I thought I might be starting to feel like we were moving in the right direction.  For that reason we headed to my parents in case things really started and we needed to head to the hospital.  We spent the afternoon waiting around...something we had gotten pretty good at.  Around 4:45 Jason and I decided that enough was enough and if we had a babysitter we may as well go for dinner while we had the opportunity.  About a two minutes after leaving my parents house I had my first real contraction and instantly I knew.  This baby was coming.

After a quick turnaround we headed to the hospital and before we knew it, our baby girl was in our arms.

Welcome to our crazy life, Aubrey.  Here's to you and to us.  Our family is complete.

2.

Dear Addy,

A few weeks ago, you turned two years old.  You'll have to forgive me for the lateness of this letter, but you see, we have been a touch preoccupied around here lately.  I'll explain more about that later.

Over the past year, you have truly transformed.  My sweet girl, you started the year off pretty much still a baby in the majority of ways.  You couldn't walk, you couldn't talk and for the most part you simply went the flow, without too much to say about anything.  As long as you were well rested, you maintained your "angel baby" status.  Fast forward 12 months and you are now a full blown toddler.  You are everywhere in a flash, you yack it up all day long and you have very definite likes and dislikes.

I can honestly say that after 24ish months of knowing you and being your Mom, I still haven't quite figured you out.  You are truly my wild card.  I have no idea how you will react in most situations and you are constantly keeping us guessing.  There have been (many) times where you have freaked out over nothing and (a few) times where you have been perfect in stressful, overwhelming situations.  If there is one thing I do know, and has been solidified in my mind, is that your reaction, attitude and demeanour is decided on by you and only you.  You are not easily swayed and once your mind is made up you cannot be convinced otherwise.  You are strong, and I love that about you.  I know without a doubt that no one will ever push you around and that I very highly doubt that you will be the victim of a bully.  You are simply too strong willed, too opinionated and too tough to let any of that get to you.

Now comes my promise to you- I promise that I will help channel that strength and those opinions so that you use them for good.  Strength can sometimes veer off into bossiness or a low tolerance for others and even though you are still extremely sweet and good, I promise that if you do turn the other way, I will help bring you back.

Your strength is one of my favourite parts of you.  It is also one of the most challenging parts of being your Mom.  Your brother, although a tough baby has pretty well been a textbook "easy" child.  He enjoys rules, predictability and is an overall simple kid to be around.  You, my girl, are anything but simple.  If nothing else, you have solidified my theory that the tougher the baby, the easier the child.  When Colin was your age, he would instantly cry whenever I would discipline him as he simply couldn't handle me being upset with him.  You couldn't care less when I'm mad at you - in fact, sometimes I think you enjoy it and have been known to laugh in my face while I am dealing with you - as you can imagine, that's super fun for me.  You want your opinions to be heard louder than anyone else's and struggle with sharing the spotlight or adjusting to others.  We are working on this.  I have a feeling it will be a major theme of the next year or two (or 15).

There have been a few days lately that have ended in a big teary mess around here and ultimately you are simply placed in bed to work out your own issues.  On days like this, about half an hour after you go to bed, I like to go back in your room, sit in the chair with you and enjoy your now calmness and sweetness.  You touch my face and talk me through the day - some of which I understand and some of which I don't but I love it all.  It is our time to become friends again.

Just like from the day you were born, you love to sleep.  This has translated into a love for your bed in general.  I couldn't love this trait in you more.  You seemingly crave time in your bed.  You sleep until awoken, almost every morning and every nap you ever take.  Even more, if you do wake up, you lay in your bed, fingers through the holes in your crocheted blanket, not making a sound, until someone comes to get you.  I can honestly say that you have not had an issue with a nap or night time sleep since you were about 4 months old - not one.  I realize that this is unbelievable and chalk up my luck to the 9 months of no sleep your brother blessed me with.  Plus, dealing with you over the past year while awake kind of balances things out :).

Even though you are tough, you are also one of the most polite two year olds I have ever met.  In fact, these days I probably remind Colin to say his "pleases" and "thank-you's" more than I do for you.  Ever since you could talk, you needed very little if any reminder.  It is truly your saving grace at times when I am close to the edge :).

Like I said earlier, we have been a little preoccupied around here.  I have been working for the past year and a bit, travelling for work, taking some university courses, and most importantly carrying your new brother or sister who will join our circus in a few short weeks.  Just like in most situations, I truly have no idea how you will react to this whole new baby thing.  When you were born your brother didn't even seem to notice.  I don't expect to have that same sort of reaction from you, but the details of how you will deal with the new baby are a big question mark for me.  I know that ultimately you will be an amazing sibling and will be an advocate for them whenever they need it (and also when they don't I'm sure).  My Mom and I were talking the other day about the dynamics of our family changing with this new arrival and she commented that I will have to ensure that you don't get lost in the shuffle once the new baby comes.  She suggested that you and I still get quality time just the two of us as it will not come as naturally as my time alone with the new baby.  I thought about this suggestion afterwards and can totally see how you could get lost without a real effort on my part.  Your brother will always get alone time with your Dad and I as he is the oldest and therefore is ready for certain things earlier than you will be.  The baby, at least for awhile, will get lots of alone time with me as that just comes with the territory of new babies.  Regardless of whether or not this new baby is a girl or boy, I promise that I will carve out time just for the two of us - from now until forever.  For now, I love the moments we have together where you make me laugh with your excitement and your stories.  For later, I have a feeling that you and I are going to challenge each other, but in the same breath like a lot of the same things and therefore have a lot of fun together.  For even later, I can see us being great, great friends.  Laughing, loving and supporting each other as I age and you, my sweet girl, grow to be the mountain mover I am convinced you will be.  For you see, God does not put that much strength in those who will waste it.  It has been placed in you for good reason and I know that you will capitalize on this trait you have been blessed with.

Not that it has ever really sunken in with your brother either, but I am constantly bewildered by the fact that you are ours.  It does not always seem real that we would have been blessed with two amazing children and the fact that we are getting one more is almost too good to be true.  You are at the stage where basically all I do is direct you, correct you, and discipline you.  The fact that you still love me, still choose me, still get excited to see me when I am gone, amazes me.  You are such a special part of this family and that will never change.  Over the past two years you have challenged us all, made us all laugh countless and countless times over and tried my patience more than I thought it could ever survive.  Through it all, you have made me a better Mom, a better person and ultimately given me one more amazing reason to look forward to the rest of my life.  To see you grow up, experience the aura that is you and be able to have a front row seat to it all makes me feel like the luckiest person in the world.  The show you will put on, my sweet girl, I am convinced will be a blockbuster.

As per tradition around here, here is your 2nd birthday interview.  It is a hodgepodge, that is for sure, but it perfectly sums you up today.

Love to you, my girl, my light, my joy.  Happiest x2 and for forever.

Love,

Mama
xoxo

 

Tradition.

And as per tradition around here, a look through the ages at us with Santa.  Some years were more pleasant experiences than others, but they all perfectly sum up our lives at that moment...

2010-

2011-

2012-

2013-

Merry Christmas to you all & here's to nothing but health, love and joy for 2014!

Letter.

Dear Colin,

Longer than I care to admit ago, you turned 3 years old.  I am not sure why it took me so long to write this letter to you.  In some ways, it's hard to find the words to describe how much we love you, but in others I could write page after page about all the funny, sweet, caring, crazy, and sometimes frustrating things you do and say on a daily basis.  Through it all, at the end of each and EVERY day,  you are still, by far, my bestest boy.  You stole my heart the moment you were born and to this day you have yet to give it back.  You make me laugh every single day and make life that much sweeter than I ever thought it could be.

I have said this before, but you were a troubled baby.  You cried and cried and cried and you basically hated life for about the first 4 months.  You were hard and I felt like a failure.  My only job at that time was to make you happy and considering the fact that you were never happy for more than a minute or two, I felt that I was not doing my job very well.  You challenged me to slow down, to relax and to go with the flow - 3 things I made a point of never doing in the past.  It was tough but we made it through.  I am a better Mom because you pushed me so hard in those first few months and I owe much of your sister's ease to you.

Contrary to your general attitude as a baby, as a kid you are pretty much as easy at it comes.  You are polite and kind and loving and you for the most part, follow the rules without too many issues.  You do not push limits and you are a fun boy to be around.  You share so well with other kids and I never worry about your behaviour in public.  You are an easy kid to parent.

Over the past year we have watched you grow into a boy.  There is nothing baby about you anymore.  You vocabulary has exploded and every day you say a word that I had no idea you knew.  Not that we didn't know your personality from the moment you were born, but this past year, it was truly solidified.  If there is one thing that has been proven time and time again, it is that you cannot be rushed into anything.  You do everything your way, and in your own time.  The only saving grace of this equation is that you are also a huge copier of other kids.  Watching another kid do something first is pretty much the only way to get you to try it as well, unless we want to wait about 8 months for you to warm to it on your own.  That all being said, once you do something once, you are good to go for life.  You do not need convincing more than once, however the first try is agonizingly difficult.  For you and for me.  Years ago, your Auntie Heather and I made the joke that we were torturing your cousin Cole with fun as he was not a fan of the splash pad.  If that was the case with him, we have definitely tortured you with fun with splash pads, bouncy castles, bikes, boat rides and water guns.  Yes, this trait in you can sometimes be very frustrating.  At the end of the day though, I always remind myself that you will come to everything in time and just like your cousin did, you will face any challenge head on without a hesitation.  All I can do in the mean time is encourage you to step outside your comfort zone, assure you that trying new things is good and fun and be there to celebrate with you and comfort depending on how the first try goes.

When I watch your three year birthday interview and then, immediately after watch the one we recorded when you turned two, it amazes me how much you have grown.  Every new stage that we have entered with you has always been my new favorite and the one at present is no exception.  Your endless energy amazes me and your love of life and everything in it reminds me just how special it is to be able to watch you through it all.

It has been three years (and a month and a half, due to the tardiness of this letter) since you came into our lives and I still look at you with amazement that you are my kid.  I do not feel worthy of the responsibility that was entrusted in us when God made us your parents.  You are so much like your father that it continually amazes me.  I know that it is frustrating for him to watch you have the same frustrations and issues he had as a kid, but I know that this is just part of what makes you YOU.  You are very much your own person, with your own quirks and traits that will both help and challenge you along the way.  When you were a baby, we were in charge of pretty much doing one thing - keeping you alive.  I guess we can say, 3 years later, that we were successful in that.  Nowadays, yes, we still most definitely are in charge of still keeping you alive but our responsibility as parents goes much deeper than that.  I feel like we are truly entering the stage where you will be formed as a person and that is not something I take lightly.  I want nothing more than for you to be a strong, kind, caring, friendly person and know that every time I force you to say please, thank you and sorry, I am helping mould you into all of those things.  I owe so much of me to my parents and hope that one day you will say the same.  I promise that I will always do my best to help you, to challenge you and to support you and even though I am sure there will be times where I will drive you crazy, I hope that you will know deep down, that everything I do is for you and your sister.  You are our worlds and you are our everythings and there is nothing that we wouldn't do for either of you.

I am not naive enough to think that there won't be a day that will come where you will not want to hug me as tight (or at all), kiss me goodnight, or bargain for more cuddling time before bed.  For those reasons and about a million more, I know that I will look back on this three year old version of yourself and miss your innocence, your hilarity and above all your LOVE.  I know that time will change, you will grow and you will need me less and less.  That being said though, the LOVE, the love will never change.  It is constant, it is the rock that remains through it all and no matter how big you get, how far away you are, or how far away you wish I was, it will remain forever and always.

When I ask you lately how much you love me, your answer is always "10, Mommy".  In fact you love Daddy "10" too, but you only love Addy "1, because she is little".  I will hold on to this answer for as long as I live as it makes my heart ache and keeps my soul full.  You love for us is what makes all the craziness bearable, the ups of life so much sweeter and the downs that much easier to overcome.  Just as you did as a baby, you continue to push me to be better, to be more patient and to truly enjoy what life has to offer.  I owe you so much.  You owe me a few hundred hours of lost sleep.  Call it even?

Love you to the moon and back,

Happy Birthday x3, bub,

Mama
xoxo

Interview at 3.

Birthday letter to come, but for now, a simple interview with a 3 year old.

At least he didn't pretend to be asleep in the middle of it this year like last.


 

Transition.

This blog has definitely taken a back seat to life over the past 6 months or so which has seen me going back to work, Jason staying home with the kids all summer and life moving as quickly as ever.

I have thought about writing how I am doing with it all numerous times, but until today, didn't feel like I had all that much to say.  Yes, the past 4 months of working full time have been trying on me, on the kids and on Jason.  I have missed a few "firsts" here and there (Colin's first movie), but also caught a few that just happened to fall on the weekend (Addy's first steps).  I, at times, have felt like a failing parent, a crappy wife and an absent homemaker.  I have cried at my desk at work, cried in the car both to, and from work, and cried in Jason's arms on more than one occasion.  For a long time, I couldn't quite pinpoint the source of my tears but recently have finally been able to put my emotions and heart throbbing ache into words - I just want to take care of my family, and sometimes I don't feel like I am doing a very good job.  There are days where I feel like I am being pulled in a million different directions and as a result, nothing and nobody gets anything quality out of me.  I want to feel like I can do everything myself and my irrational, emotional self doesn't want to have to ask for help. 

Yes, there are rough days.  Days where Colin's "I don't want you to go to work, I want you to stay with me" daily morning speech wrench my heart so tight that I ache for hours.  That being said, for the most part, the vast majority, I think we are all doing pretty well.  The kids have had the opportunity to spend 2 months with their Dad - something that most kids never get the chance to do.  Even better, they got to spend time with an awesome Dad.  A Dad took them super fun places, plays puzzles and cars and reads books to their hearts content.  I have been able to rejoin the working world then been able to rejoin my loving family over dinner and playtime before bed.  I have still found some time to do the things I enjoy like baking, my project life and outings with the kids.  All in all, we are holding it together pretty well.

After next week, the summers last, our world will be shook up again with Jason returning to work, starting his masters and coaching responsibilities, my work travel resuming and university courses I have registered for starting, the kids back at daycare and Colin starting swimming and skating lessons.  I worry about Addy a little as she has developed a bit of a difficulty with new people over the past two months since she was at daycare and I anticipate that the first couple weeks will include tough morning goodbyes.  I am happy that I now have the experience to know that it will not last forever and that soon, our routine will calm. 

Even though our lives are sometimes upside down, and the days seem impossibly long and short all at the same time, I can truly say that I have nothing to complain about.  We all love each other, we have an amazing support system and are blessed beyond belief.  Life is crazy but life is good and although there are moments that seem to implode it all, when the dust settles, the goodness is all that remains.  And for that, I am truly grateful.

Thank you summer - you were a gem.  Hello fall, please take it easy on us.

Lucky.

Our little Canada Day tradition of heading off to Bird Lake has come and gone for another year and it delivered on everything it always promises to do.  The weather was perfect, the kids were happy, and the food was delicious.  And as always, the time spent with friends was just what I needed to bounce out of my work funk I found myself in lately.

The weekend, in pictures.

To friends, to summer and to living our lives intwined together.  We are the lucky ones.