One Month.

Dear Addy,

When your brother was about 3 months old, I started writing him a letter each month on his monthly birthday.  I am honored to be able to do the same for you.

The past month, if we are being honest here (and I always plan to be), has been a mixed bag of ups and downs.  The day we finally met you and put a face and name to your kicks, was definitely an up.  In fact, it was one of the biggest ups of my life.  You came quickly and "easily" and were perfect from the moment we saw your little face.  From that moment on, life would never be the same.  For one, we were now a family of 4 rather than 3, but more than that, we were now a family with another lady in the house.  I have been outnumbered 3-1 for quite some time (Jake included) and you helped me to get a little closer to evening the score.

I am loving what is means to have a little girl.  I love the pink and purple touches I was able to add to your room.  I love the actual outfits we have been given and can't wait to see you in them all as you grow.  I have complained in the past that baby and toddler boys clothing is really just different combinations of shirts and pants.  There really isn't much else you can dress a boy in.  Girls have all of the above PLUS tights, dresses, rompers, skirts, and endless other cute little touches to add to the daily ensemble.  So far, you have really only worn sleepers, however there are a few occasions coming up soon that I know you will be able to debut your new wardrobe.

I promise that I will not always compare you to your brother, however in this case, you will welcome the comparison as you are the clear winner.  You are a MUCH easier newborn than your brother was.  You are either just more relaxed, or maybe I am, however I think it is a combination of the two.  I heard someone say the other day that babies can smell fear and I couldn't agree more.  Hopefully you smell it a little less on me than obviously Colin did.  I feel much more comfortable, prepared and realistic with you.  I worry less about scheduling, knowing that it will happen over time, and also have relaxed when it comes to naps and not wanting to create bad habits - something I stressed over constantly with Colin.  Funny how these are the two things that seem to have happened naturally with you.  You have somewhat scheduled yourself and you sleep, for the most part, like a log.  You can do something already that took your brother 6 months to figure out - you can fall asleep on your own without screaming your face off for 45 minutes beforehand.  About 3 days after you were born, I discovered you had this skill and instantly felt a massive amount of hope and relief.  I listened to A LOT of crying from your brother while we were trying to learn how to do this, and thankfully, it doesn't seem like I will have to listen to as much with you.  Love you for that.

In continuing with being honest in these letters to you, I want you to know that this month has not been easy on me emotionally.  If you ever welcome a child into the world yourself, I want you to know that it is not always wonderful and easy and joy 24 hours a day, like for some reason, we seem to believe.  As much as I wanted you and loved you more than anything from the moment I met you, the transition of bringing you home and integrating you into our lives was challenging.  I forgot how difficult it all is and got pretty down on myself and on you.  I am sorry for that.  Thankfully, things got better very quickly and although it is still hard, I know that the exhaustion I am feeling currently is temporary.  Thank you for being patient with me.  Thank you for being easy on me.  Thank you for helping me through the first month.

This first month has passed at a snails pace, however I know that each and every one of your first year will go by quicker than the last. In the next couple weeks, your Dad will start to be home more and by the end of the month, will be home for good for two months during which we will have some time away as a family, something I look forward to each and every summer.

It is hard to put into words all the emotions that I have felt over the past month but this I can promise you.  Above all, you are LOVED.  You were loved from the moment I saw you and you will continue to be loved for eternity.  Although it has not been easy, you have made each moment worthwhile simply by being here and being you.  It gets easier each day and I can't wait to see more and more of your personality emerge as time goes on.  

Love you baby girl,

Mama
xoxo