10 Months.

Dear Addy,

A few days ago, you turned 10 months old. This past month you have truly transitioned for baby to the beginning glimpses of your toddlerhood.  You can now stay awake for longer stretches and can handle being tired or hungry without fully freaking out.  You love to sit or stand and play with anything you can get your hands on.  You love to watch your brother play trains and love to interact with people.

This past month, I went away for a whole week of your life, to Auntie Laura and Uncle Dave's wedding in Mexico.  Although I missed you terribly, I definitely enjoyed the break and the rest and relaxation that comes from being away from kids, and being at an all inclusive resort.  I loved thinking of you while I was away, and wondering and dreaming about what you were up to.  I hoped that you were taking it easy on your Dad and Grandparents and according to their reports, you did just that.  When I got home and walked up to you at  the airport, I could tell you didn't fully remember me right away.  You didn't cry, you just sort of looked at me with a confused eye and small smile.  It wasn't until you heard my voice and felt my touch that I think you full absorbed who I was.

If I didn't love you before (and I assure you that I very much did), your smile and laugh when you put two and two together and remembered me made me fall that much deeper.  I kissed you and hugged you and absorbed your giggles and your warmth, more than I have in months.  It was just what I needed.  If I wasn't already floating with joy, the next sound out of your mouth will ring through my memory for years.  As if you knew it was what I needed, your "mamamamamamama" babble made me swoon.  I am not ignorant enough to think that you said that to me, or know that that is my name, however I will allow myself, just for a moment, to believe that you do as I have never heard you say it before.

Your brother was around your age when we started working on baby sign language with him.  Although we only taught him the signs for please, thank you, more, and all done, it really helped him express himself and also started training him to have good manners.  Once he could actually say the words, we found he already had good habits already engrained.  I suppose it is now your turn, my lady.  Although I love the fact that you are growing up, becoming more independent from me, and developing your own personality, the fact that we are now entering the actual parenting stage with you changes things.  For the first 8-10 months of so, we were simply trying to keep you alive and happy.  Now, along with those goals, we have to add many, many more to the equation to what at the end of day, equals a happy, polite and fun child.  To be honest, it makes me tired just thinking about it.  Again, I am reminded of the quote I read the other day  - nobody said it would be easy, they said it would be worth it.  Looking back on some of the tougher times we have had with your brother (and we are by no means done with them), times where he didn't want to listen, constantly pushed limits, or freaked out for no reason multiple times a day, I see the true testimony of why it pays off to work with your kids from a young age.  Kids that don't listen to their parents at 2 years of age, are not going to be listening when they are 5, 10, or 15 either.  Although we are just entering the discipline and training stage with you, I know that just like with any baby or child, there are going to be rocky days.  Add in the fact that you are in fact female, and predisposed to heightened emotions will, I'm sure, add another element to the daily grind.  Please, my sweet, sweet girl, work with me and not against me for the next few years.  I promise that although I may seem unreasonable at times, I am simply trying to ensure that you become the little person that I am so sure you can be.  You are such a happy girl and I know that there are so many amazing things in store for you.  I promise that I will do my best to help you find each and every one.

Oh my sweet girl, you are undeniably awesome.  You are loved and adored by so many and make the world a sweeter place with your smile and your laugh.  You are a dream come true and a true beauty.  I love you more every day.  I so look forward to watching you continue to grow, planing your very BIG 1st birthday party, and lazing a summer away with you.

Love you to forever and always x10.

Love,

Mama
xoxo

My Week.

This past Tuesday, I came back from a week in Huatulco, Mexico.  When my wonderful friend and PERSON (for any Grey's Anatomy fans), Laura announced that her and her equally wonderful fiance were to be married at the Dreams Resort, I knew that there was no way I was ever going to miss it.  Thanks to my parents and to Jason for stepping up with the kids for the week, I was able to take off to paradise and leave all my responsibilities behind.

Ever since Colin was born over 2 and a half years ago, from the second I wake up to the second I go to sleep I am constantly thinking and planning his and his sisters lives.  For the most part their schedules, needs, and meals fall on my shoulders and besides a few hours here and there, I have never had the chance to take a notable break from it since they were born.

A few hours after we landed, reality set in that I was truly by myself and had absolutely no obligation to anyone - a feeling that I have not felt in a very long time.  It was strange.  As soon as we got to the hotel, I pretty much ran to my room and had a nap.  Yes, we had been up at 3 a.m. that morning to catch the plane and yes I had a migraine, but I think it was more just my bodies way of telling me that this was my chance and I better take it!

It wasn't until the second or third day that I fully absorbed the reality that was my life for the week.  I stayed up later than I have in a very long time and as a result, slept later in the morning as well.  I very much enjoyed how little I needed in my bag and how simple life became with only one persons needs and desires in front of me.  To be completely honest, because I was by myself, I almost felt like I was 25 again, before the realities and responsibilities of marriage and parenthood became part of my life.  Although I feel immensely blessed to have found my true love and been gifted our amazing kids, there is something to be said for my life as a single.  It was kind of fun to relieve it and even better knowing that at the end of it, I had the amazing reality of my life waiting for me.  Even though the reality of marriage is hard sometimes, and something we work on daily, I am so lucky to have found my forever partner.  Even though my reality of motherhood is full of puke and tears and less than impressive attitudes sometimes, it is most definitely worth coming home to.

And if I needed another reminder, there is no better marriage refresher than watching a new one begin.  I was a teary, blubbering mess as I stood and watched two amazing friends dedicate their lives to each other.  Their love as husband and wife is so deep and pure and it is an amazing lesson in why Jason and I chose the same over 4 years ago.

Thank you Mr. and Mrs. Bastable for the amazing week, tan, taste of relaxation, and peek back at my single self.  Thank you even more for reminding me why I left it all behind.