The Big 6.

Dear Colin,

A few weeks ago, you turned 6 years old.

Leading up to your 6th birthday and in the couple of weeks that have passed since, your Dad and I have both commented how all of a sudden you seem so BIG.  Gone is our baby, our little kid, you are straight up BIG KID now.  Your legs are long, your words are complex and your silliness is full on out.  But at the end of the day, you are everything and more that I could have ever hoped to have in a child, a son, a first born.

Let me explain...

Every year on your birthday I find myself reminiscing about our first year together.  In some ways it was a simpler time, as it was just the two of us (during the day at least), but somehow I found a way to make it extremely complicated. Because you see, no matter what, your first baby feels all encompassing and straight out hard.  Once that second baby comes along, you wonder how you could have ever thought one baby was hard but that doesn't change the fact that that first baby, that first baby is a whirlwind. You my friend, lived up to that whirlwind reputation from the minute you were born.  It didn't take very long for you to start expressing your opinions and an equally short amount of time for me to realize that your opinions were drastically different to mine.  So that's where we lived, for about 9 months.  You telling me one thing, and me trying to convince you of another.  We clashed, buddy - big time.  And for that reason, I don't think I truly enjoyed you as a baby.  Don't get me wrong, I LOVED you with everything I had, but the days seemed long and to a certain extent, I wished them away.

Somewhere around the one year mark, you and I finally figured it out.  And I am so happy to report that ever since then, you and I have been making up for that first year.  Because ever since we found our groove, you and I, we have never looked back.  You are the type of kid that I could be around all day every day.  You are fun and interesting and funny. You are SO unbelievably kind and caring.  You are a great friend and always try your best.

As I reflect on the 6 year old version of you that I am lucky enough to experience every single day, I think of the fact that you:

LOVE to learn.  Your mind is a sponge and your memory is scarily accurate.  You have discovered the love of reading, something both your Dad and I hoped you would have.  As your reading skills improved over the course of this past year, it was like a whole new world opened up to you.  Everything is now at your finger tips and it is so obvious that this is what you have been waiting for.  Because now there is no limit to what you can read about and learn about and to you, this is the ultimate.

LOVE sports and stats.  You love to play but you equally love to watch and love to keep track of what is going on in the game.  Hockey has become a huge love of yours and it shows by the way you play the game.  You usually aren't the best player on the ice but you try your best - and that in itself makes me so incredibly proud of you.  Not once last year did you complain or need convincing when it was time for hockey.  You were always ready and looking forward to the next opportunity to get out there.

LOVE Lego.  You have never been a super hero kid.  Haven't really gotten into Ninja turtles or Transformers.  But Lego, you love - you simply love to build.  You can spend hours by yourself creating and inventing Lego scenes.

You really are an amazing kid.  But let's be honest, just like every child who ever was, we have moments, you and I.  There are times where you frustrate me as I can't believe I am having to repeat myself...again.  Or where you are by far the oldest child, but still the one causing the problems.  Or the discussions we have to have about treating your sisters kindly...

The other day, after an issue with your sisters I heard you mutter under your breath "I wish I didn't have any sisters".  And so, we had to talk about that.  Because ultimately I knew that wasn't your heart talking.  But you know what, bucky, I get it.  I get that it's not easy to be the oldest.  I get that the expectations we have for you are usually much higher than those we have for your siblings.  I get that being the "example" is exhausting and frustrating at times.  I get that your sisters often monopolize my attention and time.  And for all of these reasons I am so incredibly grateful that your sisters have YOU as their older brother.  Because (for the most part) you are exactly what they need.  You are a great example, you are caring and compassionate to their needs and emotions and you look out for them whenever you can.  Just like your Dad and I are so blessed to have you, so are they.  I know that some days it doesn't seem like they know that but I promise you, one day they will.

My sweet, sweet child - I can hardly believe that we are already here.  Grade one has started and while walking to the bus the other morning you reached out and held my hand as we walked down the driveway.  As we turned the corner and you spotted some of the other kids who also catch the bus on the same corner you immediately pulled your hand away from mine.  As much as that moment hurt my heart, as I reflected on it during my walk back to the house I realized that it perfectly summed us up in this moment.  Because as much as you don't need me anymore, you still need me.  You still require hugs after school and kisses before bed.  You still look for comfort when you are hurt and make cards to tell me you love me.  I know that as time goes on, you will pull further and further away from me and your hand will leave mine sooner and sooner down the driveway until one day you don't even reach for it at all.  But, in the mean time, when I am lucky enough to still have it tight within mine, I will work on continually telling you how much I love you, how proud I am of you and how if I had every little boy in the world to pick from I would pick you, every time.  So that as your hand leaves mine for good, my voice inside your head and my heart within your heart will remain.  That no matter where you go or what you do, you will never question that to me, you are everything.

Love you to the moon and back x6.

Mama
xoxo


And here you are...all 6 years old of you.  Silly and silly and silly.


 

2.

Dear Aubrey,

More than a few weeks ago, you turned 2 whole years old.  As I continue to write these letters to you, your brother and your sister on your birthdays, it continues to get harder and harder to fully describe not only how much I love each of you, but what truly makes you all so special.  

But, here goes:

You, my sweet child, are simply the best 2-year-old.  If I could, I would pause you, right now, at this exact age and just enjoy you for as long as I possibly could.  You are kind and patient and loving and hilarious.  You repeat everything that you hear, but twist it slightly so that everything coming out of your mouth sounds adorable.  You sleep hard and well, you handle everything we throw at you with ease.  You are flexible and go with the flow of our everyday crazy life.  You have transitioned so well from a baby to a child, I hardly even noticed it happening until one day I woke up and you weren't anything resembling a baby anymore.

I am not sure what is different with you, but something is unlike anything I experienced with your older siblings.  I don't know if it is just that you are simply that easy, that calm, that sweet.  Or, maybe it's that I am more relaxed, that I know not to get worked up about most "issues" that Mom's face with toddlers throughout the day.  In reality, it is probably a mixture of the two but whatever the reason, you and I add up to a pretty ideal pair.  This coming year we will get 2 whole mornings a week together, just you and I while both your brother and sister are at school and I am not at work.  I am so looking forward to being able to focus solely on you, something that doesn't happen nearly enough around here with the attention sucking siblings you live with.  I have so many amazing memories of my Mom and I, while your aunt and uncle were at school, bee bopping around (usually at Kmart) and how special being alone with her made me feel.  I remember feeling like the time I had with her was our special secret time, and I can't wait to make those same traditions with you.

I don't think I do this as much with your siblings, but with you, I find myself wondering about what you will be like as your grow up.  Maybe it's because just like you, I am the third and final child of the family.  I also came after an older brother and an older sister, just like you.  Whatever the reason, and as crazy as this is to think about a two year old, I have an irking suspicion that you are going to be a lot like I was as a kid and teenager. In some ways, it excites me as I feel like that might mean yours and my relationship will be strong and ultimately, this is what I hope for all you kids.  But in others, it worries me as I know all too well about the strong opinions I held, the emotions I unleashed randomly and the limits I pushed.

As sweet as you are, you definitely still have your moments.  And oh my goodness, your moments are dramatic.  But like the easy peasy child you are, when you start to freak out, you usually walk yourself to your room and close the door, where you can proceed to utterly freak out for the next 5 or so minutes until you calm yourself down.  It is then that I walk to your room and open the door, usually to be met with a "sooorrreeeyyy, mommy".  And once again, you remind me just how special you are.

My sweet, sweet, littlest child - you made everything complete.  From the moment I met you I knew a grand adventure was about to begin, and you have spent the last two years proving me right.  You fit in immediately around here and continue to mould and flex to your surroundings, as crazy as it gets around here sometimes.  You get carted around, from one event to another, happily and excitedly.  You are simply ideal.  Happy day to you, my sweet child.  I could not love you more.

Here's to you at 2 years new.

Love,

Mama
xoxo



**Here is your 2nd birthday interview that we shot today.  It is perfectly you.

4.

Dear Addy,

A few weeks ago, you turned 4 years old.  In the days leading up to your birthday I realized that I was having a hard time believing that you were actually going to be 4 - maybe that is why it took me so long to write this letter.  I don't have a hard time believing that you brother will soon be 6, or your sister will soon be 2, but you, my sweet girl, and your 4th birthday snuck up on me.

You are, and I am pretty sure will always be, my wild card.  You are still hard to predict and have a personality that keeps us guessing.  As much as I could sit here and write page after page on your sweetness and kindness, I could easily match it with your sass and fly-off-the-handle emotions.  You are a mixed bag, but it’s what makes you tick and what makes you, you. 

This past year, like each that came before it, you transformed.  You are such a girl now and have absolutely and completely left anything “toddler” in your dust.  You keep up with anyone and everyone, talking circles around them as you attempt to not only dominate the activity, but also the conversation.  You are tall, and for that reason, often get mistaken for substantially older than you are. Over the course of this past year, and probably for the next while as well, I had to remind myself that you were/are still little.  You cannot be expected to keep up with your older brother 100% of the time and always keep it together, like he has pretty well figured out how to do.  You were just three, and now you are JUST four, and in my books, that gets you a freak out or two at your discretion.

This past year I read a book that contained the line “…she isn’t just a challenging part of my day, she is her own person, with her own days.  Some of those days are harder than others, like mine.  I’m noticing her more.”  This message has been tattooed on my brain since the day I read it.  It simply spoke to me and to the relationship that you and I share.  Because you see, my sweet girl, we can sometimes struggle, you and I.  And it helps me to remember that just like I have off days, so do you.  And quite honestly, you probably do a better job of rallying on those rough days than I do. 

Addy, my middle one, my spitfire and my light – you are going to do amazing things.  People flock to you, strangers fall in love with you, people listen when you talk.  Now, some may say that that is all because you don’t give people any other choice, but regardless, you are going to thrive.  As your Grandpa would say, the world needs more assertive young women and you fit that to a tee.  You are strong, thoughtful, kind and generous.  You are also emotional, dramatic, loud and exhausting.  But it’s the balance that works and I wouldn’t change you if I could.  But where my job comes in is not in changing you, but in molding you.  You have so many amazing traits already and I know that with time will come the growth that will make you into the game changer I know you can be and want to be.  Because nobody is made with a spirit like yours to sit on the side line. 

So to you, at 4 – You are happiness in all of its definitions, in all of its forms. And because you won’t stay this little forever and instead will run head first into the burning building of what it means to grow up, I’ll just look forward to the bumpy ride. Just promise to take me with you.

Love to you, my girl, my light, my joy.  Happiest x4 and for forever.

Love,

Mama

xoxo