The Big 6.

Dear Colin,

A few weeks ago, you turned 6 years old.

Leading up to your 6th birthday and in the couple of weeks that have passed since, your Dad and I have both commented how all of a sudden you seem so BIG.  Gone is our baby, our little kid, you are straight up BIG KID now.  Your legs are long, your words are complex and your silliness is full on out.  But at the end of the day, you are everything and more that I could have ever hoped to have in a child, a son, a first born.

Let me explain...

Every year on your birthday I find myself reminiscing about our first year together.  In some ways it was a simpler time, as it was just the two of us (during the day at least), but somehow I found a way to make it extremely complicated. Because you see, no matter what, your first baby feels all encompassing and straight out hard.  Once that second baby comes along, you wonder how you could have ever thought one baby was hard but that doesn't change the fact that that first baby, that first baby is a whirlwind. You my friend, lived up to that whirlwind reputation from the minute you were born.  It didn't take very long for you to start expressing your opinions and an equally short amount of time for me to realize that your opinions were drastically different to mine.  So that's where we lived, for about 9 months.  You telling me one thing, and me trying to convince you of another.  We clashed, buddy - big time.  And for that reason, I don't think I truly enjoyed you as a baby.  Don't get me wrong, I LOVED you with everything I had, but the days seemed long and to a certain extent, I wished them away.

Somewhere around the one year mark, you and I finally figured it out.  And I am so happy to report that ever since then, you and I have been making up for that first year.  Because ever since we found our groove, you and I, we have never looked back.  You are the type of kid that I could be around all day every day.  You are fun and interesting and funny. You are SO unbelievably kind and caring.  You are a great friend and always try your best.

As I reflect on the 6 year old version of you that I am lucky enough to experience every single day, I think of the fact that you:

LOVE to learn.  Your mind is a sponge and your memory is scarily accurate.  You have discovered the love of reading, something both your Dad and I hoped you would have.  As your reading skills improved over the course of this past year, it was like a whole new world opened up to you.  Everything is now at your finger tips and it is so obvious that this is what you have been waiting for.  Because now there is no limit to what you can read about and learn about and to you, this is the ultimate.

LOVE sports and stats.  You love to play but you equally love to watch and love to keep track of what is going on in the game.  Hockey has become a huge love of yours and it shows by the way you play the game.  You usually aren't the best player on the ice but you try your best - and that in itself makes me so incredibly proud of you.  Not once last year did you complain or need convincing when it was time for hockey.  You were always ready and looking forward to the next opportunity to get out there.

LOVE Lego.  You have never been a super hero kid.  Haven't really gotten into Ninja turtles or Transformers.  But Lego, you love - you simply love to build.  You can spend hours by yourself creating and inventing Lego scenes.

You really are an amazing kid.  But let's be honest, just like every child who ever was, we have moments, you and I.  There are times where you frustrate me as I can't believe I am having to repeat myself...again.  Or where you are by far the oldest child, but still the one causing the problems.  Or the discussions we have to have about treating your sisters kindly...

The other day, after an issue with your sisters I heard you mutter under your breath "I wish I didn't have any sisters".  And so, we had to talk about that.  Because ultimately I knew that wasn't your heart talking.  But you know what, bucky, I get it.  I get that it's not easy to be the oldest.  I get that the expectations we have for you are usually much higher than those we have for your siblings.  I get that being the "example" is exhausting and frustrating at times.  I get that your sisters often monopolize my attention and time.  And for all of these reasons I am so incredibly grateful that your sisters have YOU as their older brother.  Because (for the most part) you are exactly what they need.  You are a great example, you are caring and compassionate to their needs and emotions and you look out for them whenever you can.  Just like your Dad and I are so blessed to have you, so are they.  I know that some days it doesn't seem like they know that but I promise you, one day they will.

My sweet, sweet child - I can hardly believe that we are already here.  Grade one has started and while walking to the bus the other morning you reached out and held my hand as we walked down the driveway.  As we turned the corner and you spotted some of the other kids who also catch the bus on the same corner you immediately pulled your hand away from mine.  As much as that moment hurt my heart, as I reflected on it during my walk back to the house I realized that it perfectly summed us up in this moment.  Because as much as you don't need me anymore, you still need me.  You still require hugs after school and kisses before bed.  You still look for comfort when you are hurt and make cards to tell me you love me.  I know that as time goes on, you will pull further and further away from me and your hand will leave mine sooner and sooner down the driveway until one day you don't even reach for it at all.  But, in the mean time, when I am lucky enough to still have it tight within mine, I will work on continually telling you how much I love you, how proud I am of you and how if I had every little boy in the world to pick from I would pick you, every time.  So that as your hand leaves mine for good, my voice inside your head and my heart within your heart will remain.  That no matter where you go or what you do, you will never question that to me, you are everything.

Love you to the moon and back x6.

Mama
xoxo


And here you are...all 6 years old of you.  Silly and silly and silly.