The Heave/Drag

Well...it finally happened.  She moved.  We have been waiting for Addy to figure out how to get around for a few months now and just a few days ago she either developed the coordination, or something motivated her enough to actually make the first move.  Let me warn you before you watch this video, it's not pretty.  Her "crawl" is somewhat of a heave/drag and is anything but graceful.  Regardless, it does the trick.

After 11 months and countless weeks of trying, behold, the "crawl"...

Just as it was when Colin made his first moves, things will never quite be the same around here.  The gate to the basement now has to be closed at all times and the night lights I have throughout the house will need to be removed for the time being (something she has already discovered and ripped out a few times).  Unlike when Colin started to move though, this time around all our cupboard doors are in place and most everything breakable in our house is behind a door and out of reach.  The main issue that we now face is the dreaded day where we have forever switched from parents to referees.  It took Addy about half a day of crawling before she realized that she could now ruin her brothers life at any moment of her choosing.  You see, one of Colin's favorite things to do is line toys us in a line.  He lines trains, stuffed animals, cars, blocks, puzzles, anything he can find, all into lines.  This activity does not bode well for a house that now has a baby barrelling through it at all times of the day.  Last night, after breaking up their first real fight (Colin had his trains lined up and Addy was heaving herself all over them), I realized that they both have some serious learning to do.  Addy is going to have to learn limitations and to respect other people's things.  She is going to have to learn that everything cannot be hers whenever she chooses and will definitely need to start to understand the word no, something that I have not had to tell her much of all so far.  Colin is going to have a learn a heck of a lot more patience, and understand that Addy is a baby and doesn't know better sometimes.  Bottom line is that they both are in for some lessons and I am sure that their relationship, as they know it up to this point, will never be the same.  Wish us luck!

11 Months.

Dear Addy,

Today, my sweet girl, you turn 11 months old.  This past month has been a lot of the same around here and you are currently smiling and laughing your way into the end of your first year with us.

This past month you have gotten nowhere with your crawling, walking, standing - in general, you are still a stationary little person.  You have managed to shimmy you way from place to place on occasion, but for the most past, your process goes something like this:

Step 1 - sit on ground and play for awhile
Step 2 - put both hands on floor and rock on back leg for 5-10 minutes
Step 3 - finally fall/move onto stomach
Step 4 - cry
Step 5 - stay on stomach crying/whining until picked up or decide to just start playing again

I was sure that when I wrote your 10 month letter I would, by now, be writing about how you are zipping all over the place.  At one point, I was convinced that you would start crawling while I was in Mexico, over 6 weeks ago now, but alas, you are still quite happy, for the most part, to stay where you are.  Your Auntie Evelyn pointed out the other day that perhaps this means that you are simply patient and are waiting until you feel ready to perfect this new skill in order to avoid the days or weeks of failure.  Man, I sure hope so.  If there is something that I struggle with, it is patience.  It has always been an issue of mine and continues to be something I need to actively work on.  I am constantly training your brother in this area as well, with not much success up to this point.  If this is a skill that you are innately blessed with, maybe you can teach us both?

Watching you lately, I can tell that you are growing somewhat frustrated in the limitations that your young age predisposes you to.  There are times that your brother runs away from you and I can tell that with every ounce of your being, you want SO badly to follow him.  There are certain toys that you just can't work and certain foods that you have trouble picking up.  You have started to want to feed yourself with a spoon or fork and get extremely frustrated with my reluctance to give in.  Watching you get upset and frustrated in these situations makes me wonder how you will deal with tough times through your adolescents and adulthood.  If there is something that I have learnt in life, it is that frustration can so easily and quickly make one feel overwhelmed.  Some of my earliest memories of feeling overwhelmed were when I started to have to write exams in junior high.  I was a fairly strong student, but test writing was always a challenge for me.  So, having 5 or 6 major tests in a week or less added up to a whole lot of stress, frustration and an overall overwhelming feeling of wanting to crawl into bed, get under the covers, and never get out.  It was my Mom who first introduced me to some strategies of how to deal with all these feelings.  This is where lists entered my life.  Your Grandma showed me how making a list and writing down each and every task to accomplish can quickly make even the most frustrating situations seem manageable.  To this day, lists are a part of my everyday life.  I make more lists that humanely necessary.  I sometimes add items to my list that I have already completed just to have the chance to cross something else off.  Crossing something off a list is bliss.  The gift your Grandma gave me has allowed me to make it through some of the most stressful and overwhelming times of my life and has ensured that nothing got lost in the shuffle.  If I can pass this along to you my sweet girl, I most certainly will.  Thankfully, if I was making a list for you these days it would simply read sleep, eat, be happy.  As every baby should, these are truly the only things you need to worry your pretty little self about.  We'll save the bigger issues for another time.

Spring is taking its sweet time joining us this year so we are currently still in winter coats, coats and toques.  I retired mine, your Dad's and your brothers major winter gear to the basement but feel that you still need the bundle when we head out into the cold.  I am dreaming of warmer temperatures and dry ground and grass so that we can get outside more and you can experience your first true summer since you pretty much slept your way through the last.

My sweet girl, you are a dream.  You are so easy and so happy and have become a wonderfully content, hilarious, gorgeous little girl.  You don't leave much up for debate and very clearly express your feelings.  I thank you for taking the guessing game out of our every day life and letting us settle in to getting to know you and ultimately figure you out.  In a few weeks, I am going to be going back to work and I know, you are not going to like it.  Lately when I return after a few hours away from you, you become affixed to me for as long as you can hold on.  Your eyes lock on me and if I ever leave your sight for a moment, even just to go into another room, you express your displeasure.  It is almost as if you don't want to lose me again.  I promise you, my girl, I promise with all my heart and all my being, that every time I leave, I will ALWAYS come back.  Please remember that in the next few weeks when our daily routine is thrown on its back and flipped upside down.  In a blink of an eye, everything will feel normal again once things settle down - I swear.  I will always come back.  I will always come back.  I will always come back.

To you, my sweet child, in this last month of your first year of life, I ask for your patience and your understanding.  It's going to be a month full of change and a month full of adjustments.  To help you through it, I have made you a list.  This list is to be refereed to whenever the day seems overwhelming, when exhaustion has set in, and when you are wishing for a quiet moment alone together - just us, and your rocking chair.  It goes like this:

1. Smile.
2. Remember that above all, I love you and carry you with me all day long.  In my heart, in my soul, in my everything.
3. Repeat.

Love you to forever and always,

Mama
xoxo

10 Months.

Dear Addy,

A few days ago, you turned 10 months old. This past month you have truly transitioned for baby to the beginning glimpses of your toddlerhood.  You can now stay awake for longer stretches and can handle being tired or hungry without fully freaking out.  You love to sit or stand and play with anything you can get your hands on.  You love to watch your brother play trains and love to interact with people.

This past month, I went away for a whole week of your life, to Auntie Laura and Uncle Dave's wedding in Mexico.  Although I missed you terribly, I definitely enjoyed the break and the rest and relaxation that comes from being away from kids, and being at an all inclusive resort.  I loved thinking of you while I was away, and wondering and dreaming about what you were up to.  I hoped that you were taking it easy on your Dad and Grandparents and according to their reports, you did just that.  When I got home and walked up to you at  the airport, I could tell you didn't fully remember me right away.  You didn't cry, you just sort of looked at me with a confused eye and small smile.  It wasn't until you heard my voice and felt my touch that I think you full absorbed who I was.

If I didn't love you before (and I assure you that I very much did), your smile and laugh when you put two and two together and remembered me made me fall that much deeper.  I kissed you and hugged you and absorbed your giggles and your warmth, more than I have in months.  It was just what I needed.  If I wasn't already floating with joy, the next sound out of your mouth will ring through my memory for years.  As if you knew it was what I needed, your "mamamamamamama" babble made me swoon.  I am not ignorant enough to think that you said that to me, or know that that is my name, however I will allow myself, just for a moment, to believe that you do as I have never heard you say it before.

Your brother was around your age when we started working on baby sign language with him.  Although we only taught him the signs for please, thank you, more, and all done, it really helped him express himself and also started training him to have good manners.  Once he could actually say the words, we found he already had good habits already engrained.  I suppose it is now your turn, my lady.  Although I love the fact that you are growing up, becoming more independent from me, and developing your own personality, the fact that we are now entering the actual parenting stage with you changes things.  For the first 8-10 months of so, we were simply trying to keep you alive and happy.  Now, along with those goals, we have to add many, many more to the equation to what at the end of day, equals a happy, polite and fun child.  To be honest, it makes me tired just thinking about it.  Again, I am reminded of the quote I read the other day  - nobody said it would be easy, they said it would be worth it.  Looking back on some of the tougher times we have had with your brother (and we are by no means done with them), times where he didn't want to listen, constantly pushed limits, or freaked out for no reason multiple times a day, I see the true testimony of why it pays off to work with your kids from a young age.  Kids that don't listen to their parents at 2 years of age, are not going to be listening when they are 5, 10, or 15 either.  Although we are just entering the discipline and training stage with you, I know that just like with any baby or child, there are going to be rocky days.  Add in the fact that you are in fact female, and predisposed to heightened emotions will, I'm sure, add another element to the daily grind.  Please, my sweet, sweet girl, work with me and not against me for the next few years.  I promise that although I may seem unreasonable at times, I am simply trying to ensure that you become the little person that I am so sure you can be.  You are such a happy girl and I know that there are so many amazing things in store for you.  I promise that I will do my best to help you find each and every one.

Oh my sweet girl, you are undeniably awesome.  You are loved and adored by so many and make the world a sweeter place with your smile and your laugh.  You are a dream come true and a true beauty.  I love you more every day.  I so look forward to watching you continue to grow, planing your very BIG 1st birthday party, and lazing a summer away with you.

Love you to forever and always x10.

Love,

Mama
xoxo

My Week.

This past Tuesday, I came back from a week in Huatulco, Mexico.  When my wonderful friend and PERSON (for any Grey's Anatomy fans), Laura announced that her and her equally wonderful fiance were to be married at the Dreams Resort, I knew that there was no way I was ever going to miss it.  Thanks to my parents and to Jason for stepping up with the kids for the week, I was able to take off to paradise and leave all my responsibilities behind.

Ever since Colin was born over 2 and a half years ago, from the second I wake up to the second I go to sleep I am constantly thinking and planning his and his sisters lives.  For the most part their schedules, needs, and meals fall on my shoulders and besides a few hours here and there, I have never had the chance to take a notable break from it since they were born.

A few hours after we landed, reality set in that I was truly by myself and had absolutely no obligation to anyone - a feeling that I have not felt in a very long time.  It was strange.  As soon as we got to the hotel, I pretty much ran to my room and had a nap.  Yes, we had been up at 3 a.m. that morning to catch the plane and yes I had a migraine, but I think it was more just my bodies way of telling me that this was my chance and I better take it!

It wasn't until the second or third day that I fully absorbed the reality that was my life for the week.  I stayed up later than I have in a very long time and as a result, slept later in the morning as well.  I very much enjoyed how little I needed in my bag and how simple life became with only one persons needs and desires in front of me.  To be completely honest, because I was by myself, I almost felt like I was 25 again, before the realities and responsibilities of marriage and parenthood became part of my life.  Although I feel immensely blessed to have found my true love and been gifted our amazing kids, there is something to be said for my life as a single.  It was kind of fun to relieve it and even better knowing that at the end of it, I had the amazing reality of my life waiting for me.  Even though the reality of marriage is hard sometimes, and something we work on daily, I am so lucky to have found my forever partner.  Even though my reality of motherhood is full of puke and tears and less than impressive attitudes sometimes, it is most definitely worth coming home to.

And if I needed another reminder, there is no better marriage refresher than watching a new one begin.  I was a teary, blubbering mess as I stood and watched two amazing friends dedicate their lives to each other.  Their love as husband and wife is so deep and pure and it is an amazing lesson in why Jason and I chose the same over 4 years ago.

Thank you Mr. and Mrs. Bastable for the amazing week, tan, taste of relaxation, and peek back at my single self.  Thank you even more for reminding me why I left it all behind.

9 Months.

Dear Addy,

A few days ago you turned 9 months old.  This past month has been a bit of a challenge as you have been quite sensitive and needy.  You got 6 new teeth and I can only imagine that they were the source of some of your tears, however they did not seem to interrupt your sleep at all which makes me think that maybe you were milking it a little while awake :).   You are still the best sleeper I could have ever asked for.  You have completely dropped your third nap and now have a solid 2 or 2.5 hour nap in the morning and in the afternoon.  13 hours of nighttime sleep rounds you off.  It still constantly amazes me how much sleep you need/want.  You can be at your ultimate crankiness, but as soon as your head hits your bed, you silence, cuddle your baby and instantly love life again.  You really are a sleeping dream.

A few days ago I started looking through pictures of your brother at your same current age.  I can't help but think that he looks so much more like a little boy than a baby, where you my friend, still very much look like a baby to me.  Your brother was substantially bigger than you at this age,  however he was also very close to crawling.  You are most definitely no where near any kind of movement and actually cry every time I place you on your stomach.  Not your thing.  Perhaps you will never crawl and will simply start pulling up and in time, walk, however at this point, you don't seem to be going anywhere.  You have started to refuse to sit, and lock your legs so that whomever is holding you has to continue to do so, or simply hold you standing as you play.  It's really, really annoying.  The other day, I spent a good half an hour getting you and your brother dressed to go outside for a walk, which was in itself exhausting and frustrating.  Once we finally got outside and I attempted to sit you in the wagon, you instantly locked your legs and refused.  There was absolutely no way I was not going for the walk as intended after the amount of time it took me to get us all ready, therefore I simply lied you down, much to your protest and started our walk.  You hated it and you hated me, but walk, we did.  Your locked legs weren't going to stop me.

This month, we said goodbye to breastfeeding for good and hello! to formula and a sippy transition cup (your final choice after rejecting a fortunes worth of other bottles and cups).  As soon as we were done, I felt the chains come off and my freedom come back to me.  You also perked up and have come to terms with the reality of your life, as far as liquid feedings go.  I would almost go as far as to say that you like it.  While giving you your milk the other day, I had a rather sad realization.  For the past 9 months, I feel like I have simply carted you around and spent our days waiting for you to wake up, rather that actually enjoy your company and your little personality and joy.  I feel very guilty that I have let the last 9 months pass by and haven't taken very many opportunities to enjoy you and bask in your love for me.  You have started to become quite attached to me and although frustrating at times, I think I need to redirect that frustration and feel just how blessed I am to have a tiny person who wants nothing more than to just BE WITH ME.  I need to start to enjoy my time with you more and promise to try and take opportunities to take you places alone just me with so that we can have our own time and I can focus my attention directly on you.

When I think about the past 9 months, I have so many amazing memories.  You truly are an amazing baby and have gifted us with sleep and smiles and fun.  Mixed in with those ups have been some long nights, even longer days, and difficulties along the way.  I read a quote the other day that I think can sum up parenthood more perfectly in words that I could ever. It says...

"Nobody said it would be easy.  They said it would be worth it."

Easy is definitely not a word I would use to describe being a parent.  Having a baby is most definitely not easy, nor is having a toddler and kid.  All the stages that I have experienced as a mother thus far are no where near anything remotely close to easy.  You and your brother have challenged me and pushed me to change and adapt more than I ever imagined I would need to do.  I have sacrificed my body, my time and things that I thought I wanted, however that ALL being said, it has all been worth it.  You are both well worth it all and I can say with complete confidence that at the end of it all, when you are grown and gone, I will totally agree that although difficult, every minute was worth it all.

You, my sweet girl, are lovely.  Your blue eyes shine and everywhere we go people constantly stop to love on you and gush.  You have a way of attracting attention more than your brother ever did or can. You are the life of every room you enter and command attention.  I am so excited to see where the next month takes us and how much you will grow and change throughout each and every day.

Love you to forever and always x9.

Love,

Mama
xoxo

Project Life - The Beginning

A number of month ago I started ready Elise's blog as she tackles many crafting and sewing projects that hit my taste exactly.  One of the major ongoing projects she completes is Project Life.  Project Life is basically a more structured and laid out form of picture archiving and scrapbooking.  Scrapbooking has always been something I thought about starting, however I was extremely intimidated by the amount of product out there, the cost I assumed was involved, as well as the creativity and vision required to make books and pages look full and interesting.  All of these reasons kept me from starting any scrapbooks, although I did purchase a tool or paper set from time to time.  What I really wanted was some form of a venue to actually print some of the pictures I take from day to day and actually document, in print, memories and events.

Enter and welcome to project life.

I ADORE this project.  The project life kits come with picture sleeves (a few different layouts as well), as well as a massive amount of cards and paper, all which fit perfectly into the sleeves.  To me, this is the ideal type of "scrapbook".  Everything is straight, in order and each and every page looks full and complete.  I plan on dividing my book by month and completing 3-5 pages at the end of every one.

To this day, I love flipping through the photo books at my parents house that my Mom put together over the years.  I truly hope that the kids will enjoy doing the same with the ones I am creating now.  I only wish that I had started this sooner.  Regardless if they are interested or not, I know that I will most definitely frequent their pages often and enjoy the pictures and the text, all while taking trips through my memories.

And now, as Elise always says...It is month one and I LOVE this project.  I know that this love will continue for years to come!

8 Months.

Dear Addy,

A am a few days behind so let's just say that 2 days ago, you turned 8 months old.  This past month has definitely been your most unhappiest.  I would use the word fussy, but I really don't want to.  I hate that word.  It makes you seem like you are unable to be pleased and that is simply not true.  I know exactly what you want, I am just not prepared to do it therefore leading to your unhappiness.  The root of your unhappiness is two fold:

1. The dreaded wean.  Mexico is coming up (7 weeks!) and that my friend meant that it was inevitable that I would have to start weaning you.  When you were first born, you took a bottle like a pro.  I gave you between 2-3 bottles a week and you never had any difficulty.  Somewhere around 4 months of age however, you clued in to the difference and refused the bottle for the most part ever since.  You teased us from time to time with glimpses of acceptance but for the most part would go hungry before ever consuming any liquid that didn't come straight from the source.

As soon as our company left at Christmas we started.  I read in an article the other day that the reason you wean a baby can be summed up in two reasons.  For one, you as the mother are ready or for two, the baby is ready.  The article explained that in the perfect world, these two reasons would happen simultaneously.  I very much had this with your brother.  He pretty much self weaned and I was perfectly happy to be done too so easy peasy, just like that, he was weaned.  You my friend were most definitely not ready.  I'm sorry for that.  I gave you 7 and half months and although I know you would have preferred to go on, my pain threshold from your bites and my upcoming trip made the decision for me.  For the first week, I cut out one of your 4 feedings and gave you a bottle.  You pretty much never took it but I tried every single day - cue start of your unhappiness.  After the first week, you were drinking about an ounce consistently but not a drop more.  Week two came and we dropped another of your feedings and stayed with it.  I started adding a natural sweetener to your formula to try and entice you but have since given that up since it didn't seem to make a difference.  Today, I only nurse you in the morning and at night and you have started to accept the formula without protest.  You still don't drink a ton, but I can get about 3-4 ounces in you with each feeding - MAJOR PROGRESS.  Your unhappiness is subsiding slightly however I think you are still fairly mad at me.  I don't blame you.  All I can say is that I am glad your memory is still short.

2. Your never want to be put down.  I am pretty sure this root of your unhappiness is also caused by #1.  You are simply punishing me.  It's like you're saying -"fine, wean me.  But as a trade, I would like to be carried all day long".  Thank goodness you sleep as much as you do because when you are awake, you are exhausting.

So there it is - my theory on the root of your unhappiness.  You are not fussy, you just aren't getting what you want.  Let this be the first time of I'm sure thousands where I say to you what my father said to me just as many times - you can't always get what you want.

A few weeks ago on a day your Dad was home, he took your brother to run a few errands.  You got up from your afternoon nap and were less than impressed with life.  It finally occurred to me that we could do something that we hardly ever get a chance to do - go for a walk.  When your brother was your age, we used to walk every day around 4 o'clock to get the mail and also wait out the last hour or two before your Dad got home.  So, I bundled you up, grabbed the dog and off we went.  I had totally forgotten how nice walking with one contained child is.  You did not make a sound the whole time we walked so you must have liked it too.  I am sorry that we don't get to do that more often and that you miss out on a lot of the independent things that your brother and I did before you were born.  I promise that I will always set aside special time for just you and I and that as time goes on we will have our own adventures too.

Even though this month has seen more tears that normal, there have still been plenty of smiles and laughs.  You have started to really laugh at your brother and his crazy antics that he performs in front of you every chance he can get.  You two really seem to be hitting it off.

Basically baby, I hope that at some point soon, you forgive me for weaning you and we can go back to being happy all the time.  I know I have asked a lot of you over the past 8 months and you can add this to the list.  I think this is just one of those stages that seemingly take forever while you're living it, but looked back upon passed in the flash of an eye.  Kind of like when you wouldn't sleep anywhere between the hours of 11pm and 5am but on me.  When I was living those 2 weeks I thought things would never change, but as they always do, we made it through and are better because of it.  I have a feeling that you will be much happier once you can move around a bit and maybe once a tooth or two that's fighting its way in appears.  Until then, I will do my best to make you as happy as possible and when I have tried everything and nothing is working I will take a deep breath and trust that this two, as did everything in the past, will pass.

Little girl, you are still the sweetest.  You have an infectious smile and a TON of personality already at your young age.  I look so forward to what this new year has in store for you and for us.  I have a hard time believing that I am already brainstorming ideas for your 1st birthday.  It seems like just yesterday that we first laid eyes on you and introduced ourselves.  My love for you has grown exponentially since that day and I know that that will never stop.  You are my most favorite little lady and every day with you captures another piece of my heart.

Love you to forever and always x8,

Mama
xoxo