Lately, Colin has been getting up earlier than normal and Addy has been up even earlier than that. For the past few weeks, I have cursed their cry and reluctantly dragged myself out of bed. I felt sorry for myself and dreaded the mornings.
Yesterday, I learned that a childhood friend and neighbour of mine passed away extremely suddenly and with no warning. She leaves behind her husband and two young daughters who now have the impossible task of dealing with the grief, despair and loneliness.
I am still very much in shock and cannot fully absorb the terribleness of this news. I am however, just conscious enough to know that my morning attitude needs a serious adjustment. So today, I am so extremely thankful for this morning and for seeing the sunrise again on the life I have been so deeply blessed with. They may get up early, and Jason may leave for school even before that, but we are so lucky. Each day I have with them is worth celebrating, no matter how early it starts or how late it goes. I pray that I am lucky enough to be here for many more to come.
Monday, September 24, 2012
Monday, September 17, 2012
4 Months.
Dear Addy,
Yesterday, you turned 4 months old. This past month you have really perked up and joined our family. You love to talk and tell us stories and engage us every moment you are awake. You love your play mat and have started to bat at the toys that hang from it. Your most favorite place is the Bumbo as it allows you to sit up and watch the chaos that is this house unfold around you. It is also the perfect place for you to do what you love the most...shove your entire fist in your mouth. Yes, you read that right. You literally shove your entire fist in your mouth as much as you possibly can. In fact, a few weeks ago you actually threw up after gaging yourself with your fingers. We'll see where we go with this one.
A few weeks ago I took a good hard look at myself and let me tell you, I did not like what I saw. You did some damage to my body, yes, but I have been doing it no favours with the crap I have been feeding it since you were born. It was then and there that I decided to make a change. This change is going to come with some sacrifice from you, my sweet girl, so here is my apology in advance. For me to take time for me, means you doing without a nap or two along the way. I know you can handle it, but I also know that we may be in tough from time to time as an overtired baby is never a ball of laughs. I promise you that if you can give me that time, I will be a better Mom to you in return. I will be happier, I will be healthier and I will be around much longer to see you grow up and hopefully, grow old.
This will go down as the month where I finally, fully, gave into you. I fell totally and completely in love with you this month and I will tell you exactly why - it's because I finally got to know you. It's not that I didn't love you up until now, because I very much did, it's just that when you have a great sleeper, you really don't spend much time with your baby in those initial months. This past month you started staying awake for longer stretches which has really given us extra time to spend together. While awake, you have also started talking a lot and laughing and smiling constantly. My mission in life right now is to make you happy and with every smile, my heart sings as it feels like you are giving me a big gold star.
Love you to forever and always,
Mama
xoxo
Yesterday, you turned 4 months old. This past month you have really perked up and joined our family. You love to talk and tell us stories and engage us every moment you are awake. You love your play mat and have started to bat at the toys that hang from it. Your most favorite place is the Bumbo as it allows you to sit up and watch the chaos that is this house unfold around you. It is also the perfect place for you to do what you love the most...shove your entire fist in your mouth. Yes, you read that right. You literally shove your entire fist in your mouth as much as you possibly can. In fact, a few weeks ago you actually threw up after gaging yourself with your fingers. We'll see where we go with this one.
A few weeks ago I took a good hard look at myself and let me tell you, I did not like what I saw. You did some damage to my body, yes, but I have been doing it no favours with the crap I have been feeding it since you were born. It was then and there that I decided to make a change. This change is going to come with some sacrifice from you, my sweet girl, so here is my apology in advance. For me to take time for me, means you doing without a nap or two along the way. I know you can handle it, but I also know that we may be in tough from time to time as an overtired baby is never a ball of laughs. I promise you that if you can give me that time, I will be a better Mom to you in return. I will be happier, I will be healthier and I will be around much longer to see you grow up and hopefully, grow old.
This will go down as the month where I finally, fully, gave into you. I fell totally and completely in love with you this month and I will tell you exactly why - it's because I finally got to know you. It's not that I didn't love you up until now, because I very much did, it's just that when you have a great sleeper, you really don't spend much time with your baby in those initial months. This past month you started staying awake for longer stretches which has really given us extra time to spend together. While awake, you have also started talking a lot and laughing and smiling constantly. My mission in life right now is to make you happy and with every smile, my heart sings as it feels like you are giving me a big gold star.
Love you to forever and always,
Mama
xoxo
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
Start the clock.
In about twenty six weeks, I will have the honour of standing up for one of my closest friends at her wedding. She is SUCH a good friend that she even decided, along with her fiance, to have the wedding take place in Hualtuco, Mexico. Since the wedding is during school time, Jason obviously isn't able to come. Since I am not insane, and would actually like to enjoy the week, I am also not taking either of the kids. Yes, you read that right. I will be enjoying an entire week without children and I am very, very excited. I am so ready to stay up late, knowing that I can simply sleep in in the morning, to not worry about schedules and naps, and just to relax, read, and have fun with friends. I also am so thankful to be able to be there to celebrate with my dear friend. I am also so amazingly thankful for parents and in laws who have agreed to stand in for me on the child care front for the week. I have my eyes on the prize and the prize is from March 3-10, 2013.
Yes, I am ready. My body, however, is most definitely not. After I had Colin, I found that the weight simply fell off fairly easily and without much effort. About 6 weeks after I had him, I was only 5 pounds away from my starting weight. Today, 16 weeks after having Addy, I am 15 pounds away. To be honest, I didn't really even notice until a week or two ago where I took a good hard look at myself and realized that things just didn't look right. Clothes still somewhat fit, but few comfortably and many not at all. It is time to do something about this. For one, Mexico is 6 months away and I want to feel great while there. I want to wear a bathing suit without feeling uncomfortable and look back at pictures without cringing. I want to stand up next to my beautiful friend and feel like a girl of 21 again. So, today, I started.
Before we had kids, I used to live in the gym. I would work out 4-6 times a week with ease. When Jason and I first met, I would run to the gym which was 3km away, work out for an hour, and then run back. I loved it and found it easy to get motivated and get moving. After I had Colin, I struggled, but somehow managed to semi get back at it. In all fairness, I found it much easier after I stopped nursing him at 9 months old and was truly able to get away and not feel the constant ticking of the clock while gone. Since Addy, I have found it even harder to make the time necessary for a workout. It is nobody's fault but my own. Yes, I am nursing her, but unlike Colin who ate every 2 hours, Addy refuses to eat any sooner than 4 therefore giving me more than enough time to get away. I had good intentions all summer while Jason was home, but never really found my stride or my groove. Now that fall is here, with it comes the change.
The change is, we are back at the Y. There really couldn't be a better place for us as the membership gives us full access to the gym and pool. My parents have offered to take my kids while I work out, or, if they are not available, there is a babysitting service available. For once, I truly have no excuse and plan on taking full advantage of the membership and the help.
I am starting a "Back to Run" program (truthfully for the second time as the first didn't quite take), and adding some other exercises I learnt while doing Crossfit between pregnancies. Today, I forgot how good it feels to be back in the gym and work. I am trying very hard to take it slow as I know how weak and out of shape I am and to jump right back into intense exercise would end badly for both my motivation and my body. I want to ease into things and get back to where I want to be with time, therefore ensuring that I don't end up on the injured list.
I am so ready to take control. I am so ready to make good decisions and make time for myself and my goals. I realize that this is going to mean sacrifice on both mine and Addy's part. She is going to have to sacrifice some naps and I am hoping that it does not backfire too much on our seemingly perfect sleeper. Colin will be in his absolute glory as he will play the time away with Grandma and Grandpa or the kids in the playroom - he will have no complaints. Sorry, baby girl, it's all on you.
Yes, I am ready. I figure that I owe my body as much as it gifted me with two easy pregnancies and two even easier labour and deliveries. The least I can do is pay it back with strength, power, and endurance. I have 6 months to lose 15 pounds to get back to my pre pregnancy weight. Since I didn't LOVE my body then, I have rounded it up to 20 just for good measure. That being said, I know that things aren't currently that bad and I am very grateful to have the body that I have now as I know that the struggles I have are nowhere near the struggles that others do after child birth. What I also know though, is that I can be better. I can be much, much better. I can feel better than I feel right now and I can be healthier - that is what is most important. I want my kids to look at me and see a strong, fit woman who makes the time to exercise and stay active so that they are motivated to do the same. I know I can do this and specifically wrote this post so that I have to follow through. The time is now and the goal is Mexico in March. Start the clock.
Yes, I am ready. My body, however, is most definitely not. After I had Colin, I found that the weight simply fell off fairly easily and without much effort. About 6 weeks after I had him, I was only 5 pounds away from my starting weight. Today, 16 weeks after having Addy, I am 15 pounds away. To be honest, I didn't really even notice until a week or two ago where I took a good hard look at myself and realized that things just didn't look right. Clothes still somewhat fit, but few comfortably and many not at all. It is time to do something about this. For one, Mexico is 6 months away and I want to feel great while there. I want to wear a bathing suit without feeling uncomfortable and look back at pictures without cringing. I want to stand up next to my beautiful friend and feel like a girl of 21 again. So, today, I started.
Before we had kids, I used to live in the gym. I would work out 4-6 times a week with ease. When Jason and I first met, I would run to the gym which was 3km away, work out for an hour, and then run back. I loved it and found it easy to get motivated and get moving. After I had Colin, I struggled, but somehow managed to semi get back at it. In all fairness, I found it much easier after I stopped nursing him at 9 months old and was truly able to get away and not feel the constant ticking of the clock while gone. Since Addy, I have found it even harder to make the time necessary for a workout. It is nobody's fault but my own. Yes, I am nursing her, but unlike Colin who ate every 2 hours, Addy refuses to eat any sooner than 4 therefore giving me more than enough time to get away. I had good intentions all summer while Jason was home, but never really found my stride or my groove. Now that fall is here, with it comes the change.
The change is, we are back at the Y. There really couldn't be a better place for us as the membership gives us full access to the gym and pool. My parents have offered to take my kids while I work out, or, if they are not available, there is a babysitting service available. For once, I truly have no excuse and plan on taking full advantage of the membership and the help.
I am starting a "Back to Run" program (truthfully for the second time as the first didn't quite take), and adding some other exercises I learnt while doing Crossfit between pregnancies. Today, I forgot how good it feels to be back in the gym and work. I am trying very hard to take it slow as I know how weak and out of shape I am and to jump right back into intense exercise would end badly for both my motivation and my body. I want to ease into things and get back to where I want to be with time, therefore ensuring that I don't end up on the injured list.
I am so ready to take control. I am so ready to make good decisions and make time for myself and my goals. I realize that this is going to mean sacrifice on both mine and Addy's part. She is going to have to sacrifice some naps and I am hoping that it does not backfire too much on our seemingly perfect sleeper. Colin will be in his absolute glory as he will play the time away with Grandma and Grandpa or the kids in the playroom - he will have no complaints. Sorry, baby girl, it's all on you.
Yes, I am ready. I figure that I owe my body as much as it gifted me with two easy pregnancies and two even easier labour and deliveries. The least I can do is pay it back with strength, power, and endurance. I have 6 months to lose 15 pounds to get back to my pre pregnancy weight. Since I didn't LOVE my body then, I have rounded it up to 20 just for good measure. That being said, I know that things aren't currently that bad and I am very grateful to have the body that I have now as I know that the struggles I have are nowhere near the struggles that others do after child birth. What I also know though, is that I can be better. I can be much, much better. I can feel better than I feel right now and I can be healthier - that is what is most important. I want my kids to look at me and see a strong, fit woman who makes the time to exercise and stay active so that they are motivated to do the same. I know I can do this and specifically wrote this post so that I have to follow through. The time is now and the goal is Mexico in March. Start the clock.
Saturday, September 1, 2012
2.
Dear Colin,
Today, you turn 2 years old and it is exactly one year since I have written you. First of all, thank you for the past year. It has been so much fun to spend it with you and watch you every second of the way. You and your super fun self have made being your Mom just the best thing that I could ever ask for. When looking back at pictures from this time one year ago, it really magnifies how much you have grown and developed. One year ago, you couldn't walk, now you run...everywhere. One year ago, you couldn't say much of anything, and what you could say, I couldn't really understand. Now you are constantly talking, 80% or so of which I understand - we are getting there. Bottom line is that one year ago you were still very much a baby and today, you are most definitely a little boy. You are absolutely the most stereotypical, loud, rowdy, crazy boy. You love all things boy - cars, trucks, tractors, bridges, trains, buses, and destroying.
For you, learning to walk was a slower process where you didn't really hit your true stride until 14 or 15 months. I have read that the bigger the baby, the longer it takes for them to really get moving so the theory fits with you. Ever since you started walking, and now running, you have really slimmed out and simply lengthened up instead of out, something you did very quickly in your first year. I remember sometime around Christmas looking at you and realizing that I could actually see your neck, something I had never seen since you were a few weeks old. You are still thick, but I would imagine you might always be. Your Dad and I are not small people therefore I can't imagine why you would be either. Today, on your birthday we measured you and marked your height on the measuring stick that I made last year. It is great to be able to see how much you have grown...I know making a new mark will be something I look forward to each year.
You are smart. You love to learn and love to practice something over and over again until you can do it by yourself and to perfection. I see your Dad in you as you often get frustrated when you initially have trouble with something. You are both perfectionists and I think the learner in him has brushed off in you. I fully expect and accept that you will one day be smarter than me. You are just that way and I can tell already that you will be a lifelong learner. You are so much like your Dad in that way. It is never enough for your Dad just to shrug off how things work and let them do their job. Your Dad always wants to research and understand each and every thing in our home and in the world. You seem to be the same way. Hopefully you'll go easy on me when I you realize that I just don't share that trait. A student, I am not. I love that you are already on this path as I know how much fun you and your Dad will have learning together. You and he can read every sign on hikes, spend hours reading online about everything under the sun and go through the years discussing the latest and greatest.
Something I realized the other day is just how easy a toddler you have been even though you were a difficult baby and an extremely challenged sleeper for quite a few of your initial months of life. Although sleeping was such a challenge for you for those first months, ever since then you are the ideal sleeper. Zero complaints. For the past year, you have handled every transition with ease. A few months ago we decided to move you to a toddler bed thinking that we wanted to get that over and done with while your sister was still up at that time anyways. I didn't want to wait until she was going to bed at 7:30 and then deal with you getting out of bed again and again for hours. I should have given you more credit. From night one, you stayed in your bed. You fell out once, but that wasn't anything a pool noodle under the sheet couldn't fix. It was then that I realized that you truly have transitioned through each and every stage with almost no problems. As tough a newborn that you were, you have made up for it tenfold.
This year, we changed everything and added another baby to our family. You, my friend, love on your sister like I always hoped you would. You are gentle and caring and compassionate to her and what she needs. One time a month or so ago you accidentally hit her with a toy you were playing with and she started crying. Instantly, you started bawling, tears flowed and your lips quivered. You were so sorry. You are on your way to being a great big brother. I am sure the two of you will have your moments, but I could not have asked for a better introduction to the dynamic of having 2 kids.
Over the past year, you have become a wonderfully awesome, super fun little boy. There have been times however when you and I have come to "blows". Your wonderfulness sometimes spills over into craziness and your craziness sometimes morphs into super loudness and annoyingness. You are 2 and for the past year I have had to remind myself of your age from time to time. You will sometimes cry because your bath made you wet, or because your milk out of the fridge was cold, or because I picked up the wrong book off the shelf. I have to remember that outbursts and ridiculousness comes with the territory of being 2 and try not to hold it against you too much. Luckily for me, you make up for it with your cuteness and your general disposition that can turn even the saddest and grumpiest of my moods around as quickly as they began. I remember when my sisters kids were your age and they would do something rotten to their Mom and she would of course, discipline them. Not 2 seconds later, after all the tears were wiped and sorry's were said, she would act as if nothing happened, and simply go on with the day calling them "sweetheart" and "honey". Before I had you, and before this past year I always wondered how she did that. To me, I thought, if my kid had just done that with me, I would be still be angry, at least for an hour or two. You have shown me why my sister was able to brush things off so easily. When it's your own kid, it just comes with the love and joy you have for them. No matter how rotten you have been from time to time over this past year, once you are past it and back to sweetness, so am I. I simply can't help but forgive and forget. I could never hold a grudge on you.
Every stage we have gotten through with you has been my most favorite and the stage we are in now is no different. I love your independence, your politeness, your humour, your words. You are so happy to be you and I am so happy to have a front row seat. You make me laugh more than I ever thought a 2 year old could and make me happy to be exactly where we are. Seeing the world through your eyes brings me more energy than I ever thought I could have while mothering 2 kids under 2. You think the simplest things are so incredibly interesting. You start each day with joy and energy and excitement. You find fun in anything and simply love living. You are my bestest boy and my sweetest little man.
This morning, I conducted the first of an annual interview that we will repeat yearly on your birthday. Even though this video is a bit of a mess, I love how it represents who you are today. You are exactly you in this...energetic, funny, and never stop moving. My personal favorite moment is when you pretend to be sleeping around the 2:30 mark. Obviously I am not a very engaging interviewer. Can't wait to see what you will be like one year from now and how your answers will differ. Hopefully you might actually sit still as well...
I will cherish this video and how it so perfectly represents you and all I love and adore.
Happy Birthday, bub. To the moon and back, you are forever loved.
Mommy
xoxo
Today, you turn 2 years old and it is exactly one year since I have written you. First of all, thank you for the past year. It has been so much fun to spend it with you and watch you every second of the way. You and your super fun self have made being your Mom just the best thing that I could ever ask for. When looking back at pictures from this time one year ago, it really magnifies how much you have grown and developed. One year ago, you couldn't walk, now you run...everywhere. One year ago, you couldn't say much of anything, and what you could say, I couldn't really understand. Now you are constantly talking, 80% or so of which I understand - we are getting there. Bottom line is that one year ago you were still very much a baby and today, you are most definitely a little boy. You are absolutely the most stereotypical, loud, rowdy, crazy boy. You love all things boy - cars, trucks, tractors, bridges, trains, buses, and destroying.
For you, learning to walk was a slower process where you didn't really hit your true stride until 14 or 15 months. I have read that the bigger the baby, the longer it takes for them to really get moving so the theory fits with you. Ever since you started walking, and now running, you have really slimmed out and simply lengthened up instead of out, something you did very quickly in your first year. I remember sometime around Christmas looking at you and realizing that I could actually see your neck, something I had never seen since you were a few weeks old. You are still thick, but I would imagine you might always be. Your Dad and I are not small people therefore I can't imagine why you would be either. Today, on your birthday we measured you and marked your height on the measuring stick that I made last year. It is great to be able to see how much you have grown...I know making a new mark will be something I look forward to each year.
You are smart. You love to learn and love to practice something over and over again until you can do it by yourself and to perfection. I see your Dad in you as you often get frustrated when you initially have trouble with something. You are both perfectionists and I think the learner in him has brushed off in you. I fully expect and accept that you will one day be smarter than me. You are just that way and I can tell already that you will be a lifelong learner. You are so much like your Dad in that way. It is never enough for your Dad just to shrug off how things work and let them do their job. Your Dad always wants to research and understand each and every thing in our home and in the world. You seem to be the same way. Hopefully you'll go easy on me when I you realize that I just don't share that trait. A student, I am not. I love that you are already on this path as I know how much fun you and your Dad will have learning together. You and he can read every sign on hikes, spend hours reading online about everything under the sun and go through the years discussing the latest and greatest.
Something I realized the other day is just how easy a toddler you have been even though you were a difficult baby and an extremely challenged sleeper for quite a few of your initial months of life. Although sleeping was such a challenge for you for those first months, ever since then you are the ideal sleeper. Zero complaints. For the past year, you have handled every transition with ease. A few months ago we decided to move you to a toddler bed thinking that we wanted to get that over and done with while your sister was still up at that time anyways. I didn't want to wait until she was going to bed at 7:30 and then deal with you getting out of bed again and again for hours. I should have given you more credit. From night one, you stayed in your bed. You fell out once, but that wasn't anything a pool noodle under the sheet couldn't fix. It was then that I realized that you truly have transitioned through each and every stage with almost no problems. As tough a newborn that you were, you have made up for it tenfold.
This year, we changed everything and added another baby to our family. You, my friend, love on your sister like I always hoped you would. You are gentle and caring and compassionate to her and what she needs. One time a month or so ago you accidentally hit her with a toy you were playing with and she started crying. Instantly, you started bawling, tears flowed and your lips quivered. You were so sorry. You are on your way to being a great big brother. I am sure the two of you will have your moments, but I could not have asked for a better introduction to the dynamic of having 2 kids.
Over the past year, you have become a wonderfully awesome, super fun little boy. There have been times however when you and I have come to "blows". Your wonderfulness sometimes spills over into craziness and your craziness sometimes morphs into super loudness and annoyingness. You are 2 and for the past year I have had to remind myself of your age from time to time. You will sometimes cry because your bath made you wet, or because your milk out of the fridge was cold, or because I picked up the wrong book off the shelf. I have to remember that outbursts and ridiculousness comes with the territory of being 2 and try not to hold it against you too much. Luckily for me, you make up for it with your cuteness and your general disposition that can turn even the saddest and grumpiest of my moods around as quickly as they began. I remember when my sisters kids were your age and they would do something rotten to their Mom and she would of course, discipline them. Not 2 seconds later, after all the tears were wiped and sorry's were said, she would act as if nothing happened, and simply go on with the day calling them "sweetheart" and "honey". Before I had you, and before this past year I always wondered how she did that. To me, I thought, if my kid had just done that with me, I would be still be angry, at least for an hour or two. You have shown me why my sister was able to brush things off so easily. When it's your own kid, it just comes with the love and joy you have for them. No matter how rotten you have been from time to time over this past year, once you are past it and back to sweetness, so am I. I simply can't help but forgive and forget. I could never hold a grudge on you.
Every stage we have gotten through with you has been my most favorite and the stage we are in now is no different. I love your independence, your politeness, your humour, your words. You are so happy to be you and I am so happy to have a front row seat. You make me laugh more than I ever thought a 2 year old could and make me happy to be exactly where we are. Seeing the world through your eyes brings me more energy than I ever thought I could have while mothering 2 kids under 2. You think the simplest things are so incredibly interesting. You start each day with joy and energy and excitement. You find fun in anything and simply love living. You are my bestest boy and my sweetest little man.
This morning, I conducted the first of an annual interview that we will repeat yearly on your birthday. Even though this video is a bit of a mess, I love how it represents who you are today. You are exactly you in this...energetic, funny, and never stop moving. My personal favorite moment is when you pretend to be sleeping around the 2:30 mark. Obviously I am not a very engaging interviewer. Can't wait to see what you will be like one year from now and how your answers will differ. Hopefully you might actually sit still as well...
I will cherish this video and how it so perfectly represents you and all I love and adore.
Happy Birthday, bub. To the moon and back, you are forever loved.
Mommy
xoxo
This is to you.
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