Month 5.

Dear Aubrey,

A few days ago, you turned 5 months old.  My sweet, sweet, sweet girl, you are officially my favourite baby.  Don't tell your brother or sister, although if either of them had any memory of their first few months of life, they would probably understand. And really, while we're on the subject, 99% of babies would be better than Colin was so beating him out in the favourite category is really nothing to brag about.  Beating Addy though - that is something for the books.  Your sister was by far my BEST sleeper.  I woke (and really still wake) her up from every nap and in the morning pretty much every single day.  That being said, as good as sleeper as she was/is, we all in turn became a slave to her nap as her napping needs became very specific.  She really would only nap by herself, in a dark, quiet room.  When she was able to sleep, she was a happy baby.  If for any reason we weren't home at nap time or were late getting home, oh my.  You, are a perfect hybrid of a solid sleeper who at the same time can handle being tired and handle waiting.

You wait a lot.  The fact that you wait so patiently and happily is the best gift you could ever give me.  Life around here would look A LOT different if you did not grace us so wonderfully with your ease.  I have heard numerous people tell me that third babies pretty well live in their carseat.  Although I wouldn't go this far with you, you do spend a lot of time in it, especially on nursery school, swimming and skating lesson days.  You have gotten so comfortable in there that it is the only place you poop anymore :).

This month you started eating solids and as per the theme of your general life so far, you caught on with ease.  There are days that you eat a lot and days where you purse your mouth shut so tight there is no chance of getting the spoon in.  Every time you reject the meal it makes me think how my perspective on things as a Mom has changed so much now that I have had 3 kids.  If Colin had rejected a meal I probably would have gotten extremely frustrated, attempted to FORCE him to eat, and then panicked that he wouldn't sleep, as a result of the missed meal.  With you, I simply get your message and go on with our day.  I now have the experience to really understand that as your mother, I can't force you to eat and really, I can't force you to sleep.  Obviously there are things I can do to lead you down the right paths of eating and sleeping, but ultimately neither can be forced.  It is amazing how liberating it is to accept that.  It's too bad I couldn't have done it 4 years ago - would have saved myself a lot of worry and a lot of googling!

Your Auntie Heather and I were talking the other day about the fact that our kids probably won't remember anything about the things we do or the places we go at this time in their lives. We talked about how we work so hard to create fun moments and the fact that none of you will ever remember it is sometimes a little sad.  Personally, I really only have a small handful of real memories of my childhood.  My earliest childhood memory is being at Disney World in 1988, on the Dumbo ride and looking down to see my Mom, your Grandma, buying a soft pretzel from a food vendor.  I have no idea why that memory has stuck around, but for whatever reason, it is there.  Even though I don't remember much of anything else, there are two reasons why I know for sure that I had an amazing childhood.  For one, quite simply, there are pictures.  I am trying to make sure I provide the gift of documenting our lives as well, through my Project Life books.  Secondly, and much more importantly and complexly, there is the feeling.  The feeling of fun, of joy, of family and of love.  Even though I don't remember the exact things we did or the places and things we saw, I know for sure that through it all, we had so much fun.  The specifics are blurry but the overall theme is there - we loved each other and we genuinely enjoyed spending time together.  I can honestly say that these two traits still remain (at least on my end) within our original family, and also has extended to our extended families.  There is nothing more that I want for you and your brother and sister than to have that same feeling about your own childhood.  The desire for you to feel the same makes all the planning worth it.  It makes the the energy it takes to haul three kids across town to Great Big Adventure worth it, it makes saving up for big trips and adventures worth it, it makes scouring Pinterest for the next fun craft worth it.  As you three get older, the list of things we can do as a family gets longer and the adventures we can experience together get bigger.  I am so excited for each and every moment and hope that the moments we create, although individually may be forgotten, add up to the happiness and fun that you three (and every child for that matter) deserve.

Aub - it is such a privilege to be your Mom.  You are the most perfect addition to our family and in every sense of the word, have completed us.  Every month that passes allows us a few more sneak peeks into you - what makes you tick, what makes you smile, what makes you YOU.  Honestly, I don't think there is anything as a Mom that gives me more joy than to see my kids becoming themselves.  Even the parts about your brother and sister that drive me crazy are so uniquely them that I can't help but secretly enjoy it all.  As this life of ours unfolds, day by day, it just makes sense that you are a part of it.  As much as on some days, it may seem as if you are just in the background, often overshadowed by your siblings needs, schedules and voices, I can assure you that in my heart and in my soul, you are just as important and just as intertwined in to what makes my heart beat and my soul ache in the best way possible.  You make everything exactly the way it should be.

Here's to you at 5 months new.

Love,

Mama
xoxo

Month 4.

Dear Aubrey,

A few days ago, you turned 4 months old.  On that same day, I turned 32 years old.  It's hard for me to imagine you, at 32, considering the fact that we are still getting to know you and determine what makes you tick.  From what I do know about you, I think you will rock 32 like nobody else.  Whatever you life brings you at that age, I just hope that I am still around to see it.

This past month, you have defined the saying "find your groove".  You, my lady baby, kicked month 3's ass.  Whatever grooves we needed to find were zeroed in on and mastered, one by one.  I have said it before and I will say it again, you are an easy baby.  You rarely, if ever make a noise, and if you do, it's only because I have pushed you, yet again, past your very generous limits.  You have grabbed daytime sleep by the horns and told it where to go.  You sleep in the car, you sleep in the stroller, you sleep in your bed, you sleep in someones arms...you adapt to each and every day without a wimper, without a complaint.  I totally and completely owe my sanity to you.  You see, your brother and sister have a tendency to drive me crazy with fighting, crying, never ending negotiating - pretty much the regular 2 and 4 year old crap.  If you joined in on their circus I think it would send me over the edge.  By you, my sweet, sweet girl do nothing but ground me.  You ask for so little and give SO MUCH to me each and every day.  Your eyes light up for me and in an instant I can feel myself calm down and regroup.  You are my saving grace as a Mom.

Last week I had you in the Bumbo on top of the kitchen island while I worked in the kitchen.  Your brother and sister were playing away.  In a, I have three kids and have never had a problem cocky moment, I left the room.  In that instant, your sister climbed onto the play table and pulled you down.  You hit your head on the corner of the play table and again on the ground.  I heard both hits and then your sister crying.  I will never forget the way your body looked, facedown on the ground.  You never made a sound, never shed a tear, which terrified me even more.  I felt so helpless.  I had no idea what to do so naturally, I screamed at your sister and sent her to her room.  Obviously the logical thing to do.  I held you and cried.  Tears of fear and tears of guilt streamed down my face but ultimately you were fine.  A bump on the head and a few pukes were really the only marks left.  On my heart however, a mark will last forever.  I should never have left you up there and walked away.  I was cocky and careless and I'm sorry.  I know you will never remember what happened, but I will never forget.  It knocked me back to reality of how fragile a baby is, how rough and unaware a 2 year old can be and how carefully I need to protect you.  I am so grateful that this incident was what reminded me of these things rather than something more serious.  My job is to keep you healthy and safe and I'm so sorry that I slipped up.  Thank you for again, taking it easy on me, brushing yourself off and carrying on like nothing happened.  Chalk another one up to you.

Your Dad asked me the other day what I was like as a baby.  And to be honest (Mom, please correct me if I am wrong), I think I was a lot like you.  Pretty calm, pretty much a go with the flow kind of kid.  I think these are pretty common traits of a third child as life does not stop when they come into the mix.  Older siblings have commitments and the busyness of life just kind of carries on while they grow.  After he asked me this, I started to wonder if that means you might be like me as a child, teenager and adult.  If you agree with what you read about birth order, I fit the youngest child description to a tee.  The fact that our family is identical to the one I grew up with (boy, girl, girl), I can't wait to see how things pan out for us.  I can't seem to buy a kid to look anything like me, so I wouldn't mind if I could get in on the personality side of things.  By the way, I am well aware that I may regret saying and wishing this.  Only time will tell.

Again, and again, and again, I just can't get enough of you.  I don't know if it's because you are my last, or just because you are you, but I really feel connected to you.  You have taken to your play gym lately and love reaching up and batting the toys.  I could watch you do this for hours as it is amazing to me to watch you learn and develop - all in such a short 4 months.  I love watching how gently you reach for them and how you squeal with delight when they rattle.  I can't wait for whatever is next.  If your Dad and I ever made a right decision, it was in deciding to have a third child.  I honestly cannot imagine our family without you, can't imagine me without you.  You have completed us and completed me in so many ways.  You are so loved.

Here's to you at 4 months new.

Love x4,

Mama
xoxo

Month 3.

Dear Aubrey,

A few days ago, you turned 3 months old.  As always, the months have flown by like they always do, partly due to our busy schedules but also partly due to your laissez faire attitude and demeanour that I appreciate so very, very much.  Last month, I commented that you often struggled with your daytime naps and I am happy to report that today, a little over 3 months later things are starting to regulate.  We still have our challenges, but for the most part the days are smooth and painless.  Regardless of the challenges we face while the sun is up, your nighttime sleeps continues to be as good as any Mom of a 3 month old could ever expect - I owe you for that one.  Lately, you love the bath more than anything and have started to really light up for those who you know best.  Your siblings (well really just Addy) are still learning how to be gentle with you and how to give you space when you need it.  Thank you for being so patient with them and for taking the knocks like a champ.  Definitely makes my life easier as they learn.

I feel bad even saying this, but sometimes I forget you're even here.  You are that calm.  The other day I was helping your brother and sister with a craft at the kitchen table while you played on your play mat.  While we were working away I started to hear something - a kind of rustling.  For the life of me, I could not figure out what it was.  I wondered if there was a bird in the garage, or maybe the water softener was acting up as it sometimes does.  Finally, I realized what the noise was...it was YOU.  I had completely forgotten that you were even there, a mere 6 feet away from where I was sitting.

I was telling my Mom, your Grandma, the other day that I sometimes have to remind myself that you are a real person.  I am so busy with your siblings and a million other things that I get caught up in simply attending to your immediate needs rather than soaking you in and getting to know you.  I feed you, or change you and then am off to the next dozen things on my current plate.  I need to get better at this and enjoy you more on a daily basis as you are definitely worth enjoying and the moments, even if they are few, that I have with you give me the energy to tackle the day and fall more in love with this little life of ours.

So here, 3 months in, are my dreams for you.  I hope you are a doer.  I hope you see possibility everywhere you look and I hope that you believe, above all, that you are capable and important.  I hope you always know that I would do anything for you.  Growing up, I have vivid memories of my Mom sacrificing her own needs for me and my siblings.  From something as small as eating the one burnt piece of chicken at dinner, missing university exams to take me to get stitches, spending each and every weekend in a gym, my Mom made and makes it clear, time and time again that we were and are some of the most important things in her life.  That is what I want you to feel about me.  I never want you do doubt, even for a second that you matter, that you are loved and you that your needs are my highest priority.  I promise that I will always do my best to be the Mom you need me to be, even when what you really need me to be isn't all that popular.  I promise that I will always do my best to be the Mom you need me to be, even when you need me at 3 o'clock in the morning.  I promise that I will always do my best to be the Mom you need me to be, even when I am angry at you or you are angry at me or we are both just angry at each other.  Bottom line is this - I will always do my best for you - always.

So, my smallest human, here at 3 months in we are doing pretty well.  I couldn't ask for a better baby.  You have made us complete and I absolutely and completely I adore you.  That's all you need to know.

Here's to you at 3 months new.

Love x3,

Mama

xoxo

Month 2.

Dear Aubrey,

A few days ago, you turned 2 months old.  This past month was much like the first, with the addition of a touch more time spent awake and a smile from time to time.  You are still very much a newborn and although you are awake a little more each day, for the most part you prefer to eat and sleep the days away.  That's okay by me as we have officially entered the busiest time of year for our family.  Your Dad is back to school, volleyball and football has started for him, Colin started nursery school and will soon start swimming and skating as well.  We tend to be a family on the go and thankfully that seems to work for you.

Once again, and I feel like a bit of a broken record saying this, you are a bit of a mixed bag.  At night, you are clutch.  You are up once, eat quick and go right back down - I can't ask for much better.  During the day, you are up and down.  If we are out and about, you are a dream.  You sleep in your carseat like a log and rarely make a peep.  On days where we are home, you struggle.  I fully accept responsibility that I have created this issue for you.  From the moment you were born we didn't really stop and because of that, you slept in your carseat a lot.  Clearly this has become a clutch for you as without it, napping is challenging for you.  On the one hand, I really want to correct this.  I remember how easy it was with your sister, how she would go down for a nap without a peep and sleep until awoken each and EVERY time.  Although that is not realistic to think I would get that again, the memory of how much I could get done during those naps is motivating for sure.  On the other hand, the hand that is more realistic, we are busy.  We have to take Colin to nursery school three times a week, we have to get groceries, we have to go to your siblings lessons and for these reasons I need you to sleep on the go more than I need you to sleep in your crib.  In a perfect world you would do both without a complaint however I realize that this is not realistic for a newborn, or baby for that matter.  I also want to make sure your siblings still get to go out and enjoy the things that they enjoy during the day and don't want to be housebound simply for you to sleep.  Maybe that's not fair for you, but I don't think always being at home would be fair for them either.  It's going to have to become some kind of balance.  I fully admit that I have not figured it out yet, but maybe by your next letter I will have a lead.  Or even better, a plan.  In the mean time, I promise that I will do what I can to help you through the transitions of home and away, of cribs to carseats.

A few weeks ago, we went to the Betker's (Auntie Kate's Mom and Dad's) cabin, which is an amazingly gorgeous island getaway at Lake of the Woods.  We were there for 2 days and 2 nights.  Within this time, you didn't really ever cry, except for in the late evenings before bed.  On the second day, I was holding you while Kate and her Mom hung curtains in the room we were sleeping in.  At some point during our conversation you fell asleep.  Kate's Mom said to me - "now that is a good baby."  And she was right, you are such a good baby.  It was what she said next though, that really resonated with me.  "Don't get me wrong" she said "that's a good baby, but it is still hard work."  Her words hit me like a tonne of bricks - she was incredibly right.  Good baby, or difficult baby - a baby is hard.  You are no different.  You are so calm and so forgiving and such a go with the flow kind of kid.  At the end of the day, you are in fact easy.  Unfortunately (for me), that doesn't change the immense amount of work and shear exhaustion that having a newborn brings.  Add on a couple other young children and that adds up to a heck of a lot of hard work.  I am not saying these words as complaints but more to simply come up for air.  Admitting that a newborn, baby, toddler, child is hard work admits that it's ok to get frustrated, to be tired, to feel defeated.  It is hard work.  No matter the ease or the fight of the child - the work, the work is always there.

Yes, my sweet girl, you are easy, but you are hard - all in the same thought, in the same breathe.  Regardless of the work though, you are always worth it.  I would choose you each and every time as the gift of you is too wonderful a gift to ever take for granted or ever resent.  The joy I feel in your smiles, the love I see in your eyes, and the excitement I have for all that you are and will be outweighs all the effort it takes to get through the day.  Even on the worst of days, you are my girl, and that will never change.  I can't wait for this next month, for you to get a bit older, a bit more solidified in this world and a bit easier to predict.  With it, we will also get to know your personality a little bit better and undoubtedly fall a lot more in love.

Here is to you at 2 months new.

Love x2,

Mama
xoxo

4.

Dear Colin,

A few days ago, you turned 4 years old.  You, my friend, are a pretty cool kid and I am reminded of this on a daily basis.  When I started writing these letters to you, you were only 3 months old and I was exhausted and discouraged.  You challenged me in every way possible and I am happy to report that 4 years later, we have very much found our groove together.  Over this past year, it has become clearer than ever what your likes, dislikes, challenges, sense of humour and ultimately, your overall personality truly is.

You are so very, very kind.  The patience and kindness that you have with your sisters (yes, you now have two!) warms my heart on a daily basis.  You constantly compromise your wants and needs for Addy and are always looking for ways to help with Aubrey.  Lately, when Aubrey cries in the car, you have decided that singing "Old McDonald had a farm" (although you sing "Old McDonald's) will help soothe her.  You and Addy's rendition makes me laugh every time, even over the stress of how it feels when a baby is screaming in the car.

You are such a good friend.  We are so lucky to have so many fun boys right around our house for you to play with and I love watching you with them.  Your cousins are a few other of your favourites and you love every second of every time we have to spend with them.  You look up to your cousin Cole so much, which makes me so very happy as he is a pretty great kid.

You thrive on consistency and rules.  Now this one is not new around here as ever since rules became a part of our lives, you have needed them and craved them.  Today, this remains the same.  A few weeks ago you started nursery school and I can tell that school is right up your ally.  The routine and the structure is what makes you tick and you have instantly fallen in love with the idea of school.

You love to learn & have a mind that remembers and absorbs so much.  Especially over the past few months, your curiosity and desire to learn about everything and anything has exploded.  You ask me a million questions a day about just as many subjects.  How things work and outer-space seem to be your favourite.  Thank goodness for google because honestly, I don't know the answers to the majority of the questions you ask.  "Mom, which planets have water on them?"..."Ummmm....earth....."  We'll learn together.

New things are hard for you.  Again, not a new one, but something you have really improved on over the past year.  Swimming lessons started just after your third birthday and it was a bit of a bust.  Week after week though we continued to show up and eventually (like 6 months later) you finally realized that it was nothing to get all worked up over and started to really enjoy the half hour a week.  Fast forward to this past summer and you are a swimming machine.  You jump off the dock into the lake, swim by yourself with a life jacket and actively enjoy your time in the water.  You needed to come to it in your own time and I am so very, very glad that you did.

You continue to challenge me.  It has been a bit of a mixed bag around here as Aubrey was only born a few months ago and our lives were once again, turned upside down.  For the first while, your Dad was home on summer holidays which really lessened the blow, but for the past few weeks it has just been you kids and I, as we attempt to find our groove.  As with any mother of a newborn, I am tired and at times have felt frustrated and overwhelmed.  To be completely honest, in a few of those moments, I have taken it out on you.  This is not fair.  You see, you are such a good kid that when you do have your moments, misbehave, or cause problems, sometimes I come down on you a little too hard just because I am not used to it from you.  You have set the standard for your own behaviour so high and I need to remind myself sometimes that you still are in fact only 4 years old.  You are allowed to make mistakes, to cry for no reason and not always want to compromise with your sister who is always pushing your buttons.   I have gotten angry with you when really, you were just being 4 and I should have had more patience, been more calm, and talked you through the problem.  I saw a quote the other day and I loved it - "Only I can give my kids a happy mother who loves life."  Reading these few words snapped me into the reality of their truth.  Yes, I have three children under the age of 5 now.  And yes, I am tired.  And yes, our house is always littered with toys.  And yes, our days do not always go perfectly and the tears flow.  That all being said, the last thing I want is to take those things out on you for you, my sweet boy are the first tiny human who made all of it worth it.  Your unconditional love, even on my most unreasonably touchy days is an amazing example of its true definition.  Although I do have a job to do with you and your sisters, a job that is not always fun and you will not always like (think manners, rules, cleaning up, etc), I ultimately want you all to know that you make me incredibly happy.  The happiness that you bring to my days, to my life, and to my soul reach farther and deeper than I knew existed.

Bucky, you are my bestest boy.  Your heart is so good and your soul is so sweet and pure.  You have been blessed with two little sisters who I know will push you (maybe even over the edge from time to time), but will also protect you with all their hearts.  They already look up to you so much and it is so clear as to why.  You are the best brother and they are so lucky to have you.  For me, I could not ask for a better boy, kid, son.  I could not be more proud of you.  For everything you have become already and for everything I am certain you will become.  You have so many amazing times ahead of you.  Thank you for keeping me so close yet embracing your own independence and freedom as you grow.

This birthday interview, once again, solidifies exactly you at this moment.  A little bit calm, a little bit silly, a little bit typical 4 year old boy.  Here is to you, at 4.

Love x4, to the moon & back.

Mama
xoxox

One.

Dear Aubrey,

Exactly one month ago, you were born.  I wrote your brother and sister these types of letters and I promise to do the same for you.  My hope is that one day you will enjoy reading them, that it will tell you a little about your first years of life and remind you that from the second you were born, you were loved & adored.

My dearest child, you were late.  10 days late in fact.  Let it be known that for the next 100 years, each and every time you are late I will remind you that it is in fact how you came into the world.  I did not enjoy waiting around for those 10 extra days, but looking back on it now, on the other side of it all, I am glad that we had them.  You see, your Dad was on summer holidays and because we were hopefully having a baby any minute of any day, nobody really expected anything of us.  For this reason, we were able to have some last minute fun with your brother and sister and take them in a little more before life slowed down and we started all over.  We did a lot of fun things in those ten extra days, and I promise that next summer, they will all include you.

When you finally decided it was time to meet face to face, you did not waste any time and for that, I thank you.  If you are lucky enough to be blessed with a child one day, I hope and pray that you experience the pregnancies and labours that I do.  For the most part, you took it easy on me and although the process of birthing a child is pretty much the worst thing ever, you at least spared me in its duration.

The first thing I thought of when you were born was that I could not believe that you were a girl.  Even though I would have been thrilled to have a boy, if I'm being honest here I did want a girl.  The moment the doctor announced you were a girl I felt incredibly unworthy.  It was almost too amazing to believe as ultimately I got everything I wanted.  When your brother was born I wanted a boy.  When your sister was born, I wanted a girl.  To think that we went 3/3 was and is almost too much.  Your father and I have been blessed beyond measure - you capped it all off.

Your first few days in this world were like most with a newborn - a mixed bag.  For the most part you were quite relaxed and content, however, like there always seem to be with tiny humans, you and I had a few moments.  About 4 days after we brought you home, I could feel the exhaustion and emotion building up inside of me.  Newborns are tough and I felt like my life had once again overnight become a never ending stream of endless nights and busy days with no time left for me or any real down time.  It all came to a head one night and all I could do was cry.  Your Dad bore the job of letting me vent, pulling me close and reassuring me that things would get better.  I have to be honest, the cry felt good.  A few minutes later you woke up from a nap.  When I picked you up, for the first time, you really looked at me.  Your eyes were wide and clear and your gaze met mine.  At that moment, it was like your heart spoke to me and I realized what all the exhaustion and stress is for.  I gave in right then and there and embraced what will be our lives for the next little while.  Sure there will still be moments where I will long for some freedom and for the consistency that will come over time, however I know that it is all a process and that we will get there.  For now, I will just enjoy your newness, your innocence, and the quiet sweetness you seem to radiate.

It is a different feeling, this time around with you than I had with your brother and sister.  You, my sweet girl, are my last baby.  I knew that going into the pregnancy and the ten months you spent brewing inside of me and the 90 minutes you spend being born solidified that I was done.  The shop is closed.  You have completed us.

I don't know much about you yet, except that you seem to understand that you are not the only one demanding my time and attention around here.  You are patient and kind and have allowed us to carry on with some normalcy this past month.  Thank you for that.  I know your siblings thank you for that as they have not had to sacrifice much since your arrival.  You have been portable and gone with the flow in many situations.  I know as you wake up a little more this will become harder for you but for now, I will take advantage of your ease.

Speaking of your brother and sister, they really do love you.  Colin is very protective of you and Addy is obsessed with knowing where you are and what you are doing.  They have both been super sweet and dotted on you since the moment you were born.  I am sure that as you grow and become an equal player around here you three will have your moments, however for now, they could not love you more.

Littlest one, you are a dream.  I look at you and dream about the person you will become.  I wonder what will make you you.  I wonder what will make you happiest and what will drive you crazy.  I wonder if you will be sensitive like your brother, dramatic like your sister, or some new kind of crazy we don't even know about yet.  I wonder if you will clutch onto a stuffed animal like your brother and sister do with Eeyore and Baby.  I wonder if you will talk my ear off or need to have details pried out of you.  I wonder so much about who you will be and what will drive you.  Those dreams and that wonder is what makes this crazy ride so incredibly worth it.  No matter how long the days might be, or even longer the nights seem to drag, building a person is unlike anything else.  There is no better gift and no more rewarding a job.  You have been in-trusted to us and I commit everything I am and everything I have to you.  You have made our family complete, shaken it all up once again, and started another new chapter in our lives.  This is to you, baby girl, and to forever as my love for you is one with no beginning and no end.  I am yours.

Love you x1,

Mama
xoxo

Aubrey.

This is painfully overdue, but I I owe our newest little girl a proper introduction around here.  With her birth comes a new reason to blog and a new commitment to keep documenting our lives.

Aubrey Norma Jean was born at 6:21 p.m. on Thursday, July 10th.

Waking up on her birthday I felt frustrated and exhausted.  I was 10 days overdue, scheduled for a second fetal assessment and even though on the list to be induced nowhere near the top.  Around lunchtime though I thought I might be starting to feel like we were moving in the right direction.  For that reason we headed to my parents in case things really started and we needed to head to the hospital.  We spent the afternoon waiting around...something we had gotten pretty good at.  Around 4:45 Jason and I decided that enough was enough and if we had a babysitter we may as well go for dinner while we had the opportunity.  About a two minutes after leaving my parents house I had my first real contraction and instantly I knew.  This baby was coming.

After a quick turnaround we headed to the hospital and before we knew it, our baby girl was in our arms.

Welcome to our crazy life, Aubrey.  Here's to you and to us.  Our family is complete.

2.

Dear Addy,

A few weeks ago, you turned two years old.  You'll have to forgive me for the lateness of this letter, but you see, we have been a touch preoccupied around here lately.  I'll explain more about that later.

Over the past year, you have truly transformed.  My sweet girl, you started the year off pretty much still a baby in the majority of ways.  You couldn't walk, you couldn't talk and for the most part you simply went the flow, without too much to say about anything.  As long as you were well rested, you maintained your "angel baby" status.  Fast forward 12 months and you are now a full blown toddler.  You are everywhere in a flash, you yack it up all day long and you have very definite likes and dislikes.

I can honestly say that after 24ish months of knowing you and being your Mom, I still haven't quite figured you out.  You are truly my wild card.  I have no idea how you will react in most situations and you are constantly keeping us guessing.  There have been (many) times where you have freaked out over nothing and (a few) times where you have been perfect in stressful, overwhelming situations.  If there is one thing I do know, and has been solidified in my mind, is that your reaction, attitude and demeanour is decided on by you and only you.  You are not easily swayed and once your mind is made up you cannot be convinced otherwise.  You are strong, and I love that about you.  I know without a doubt that no one will ever push you around and that I very highly doubt that you will be the victim of a bully.  You are simply too strong willed, too opinionated and too tough to let any of that get to you.

Now comes my promise to you- I promise that I will help channel that strength and those opinions so that you use them for good.  Strength can sometimes veer off into bossiness or a low tolerance for others and even though you are still extremely sweet and good, I promise that if you do turn the other way, I will help bring you back.

Your strength is one of my favourite parts of you.  It is also one of the most challenging parts of being your Mom.  Your brother, although a tough baby has pretty well been a textbook "easy" child.  He enjoys rules, predictability and is an overall simple kid to be around.  You, my girl, are anything but simple.  If nothing else, you have solidified my theory that the tougher the baby, the easier the child.  When Colin was your age, he would instantly cry whenever I would discipline him as he simply couldn't handle me being upset with him.  You couldn't care less when I'm mad at you - in fact, sometimes I think you enjoy it and have been known to laugh in my face while I am dealing with you - as you can imagine, that's super fun for me.  You want your opinions to be heard louder than anyone else's and struggle with sharing the spotlight or adjusting to others.  We are working on this.  I have a feeling it will be a major theme of the next year or two (or 15).

There have been a few days lately that have ended in a big teary mess around here and ultimately you are simply placed in bed to work out your own issues.  On days like this, about half an hour after you go to bed, I like to go back in your room, sit in the chair with you and enjoy your now calmness and sweetness.  You touch my face and talk me through the day - some of which I understand and some of which I don't but I love it all.  It is our time to become friends again.

Just like from the day you were born, you love to sleep.  This has translated into a love for your bed in general.  I couldn't love this trait in you more.  You seemingly crave time in your bed.  You sleep until awoken, almost every morning and every nap you ever take.  Even more, if you do wake up, you lay in your bed, fingers through the holes in your crocheted blanket, not making a sound, until someone comes to get you.  I can honestly say that you have not had an issue with a nap or night time sleep since you were about 4 months old - not one.  I realize that this is unbelievable and chalk up my luck to the 9 months of no sleep your brother blessed me with.  Plus, dealing with you over the past year while awake kind of balances things out :).

Even though you are tough, you are also one of the most polite two year olds I have ever met.  In fact, these days I probably remind Colin to say his "pleases" and "thank-you's" more than I do for you.  Ever since you could talk, you needed very little if any reminder.  It is truly your saving grace at times when I am close to the edge :).

Like I said earlier, we have been a little preoccupied around here.  I have been working for the past year and a bit, travelling for work, taking some university courses, and most importantly carrying your new brother or sister who will join our circus in a few short weeks.  Just like in most situations, I truly have no idea how you will react to this whole new baby thing.  When you were born your brother didn't even seem to notice.  I don't expect to have that same sort of reaction from you, but the details of how you will deal with the new baby are a big question mark for me.  I know that ultimately you will be an amazing sibling and will be an advocate for them whenever they need it (and also when they don't I'm sure).  My Mom and I were talking the other day about the dynamics of our family changing with this new arrival and she commented that I will have to ensure that you don't get lost in the shuffle once the new baby comes.  She suggested that you and I still get quality time just the two of us as it will not come as naturally as my time alone with the new baby.  I thought about this suggestion afterwards and can totally see how you could get lost without a real effort on my part.  Your brother will always get alone time with your Dad and I as he is the oldest and therefore is ready for certain things earlier than you will be.  The baby, at least for awhile, will get lots of alone time with me as that just comes with the territory of new babies.  Regardless of whether or not this new baby is a girl or boy, I promise that I will carve out time just for the two of us - from now until forever.  For now, I love the moments we have together where you make me laugh with your excitement and your stories.  For later, I have a feeling that you and I are going to challenge each other, but in the same breath like a lot of the same things and therefore have a lot of fun together.  For even later, I can see us being great, great friends.  Laughing, loving and supporting each other as I age and you, my sweet girl, grow to be the mountain mover I am convinced you will be.  For you see, God does not put that much strength in those who will waste it.  It has been placed in you for good reason and I know that you will capitalize on this trait you have been blessed with.

Not that it has ever really sunken in with your brother either, but I am constantly bewildered by the fact that you are ours.  It does not always seem real that we would have been blessed with two amazing children and the fact that we are getting one more is almost too good to be true.  You are at the stage where basically all I do is direct you, correct you, and discipline you.  The fact that you still love me, still choose me, still get excited to see me when I am gone, amazes me.  You are such a special part of this family and that will never change.  Over the past two years you have challenged us all, made us all laugh countless and countless times over and tried my patience more than I thought it could ever survive.  Through it all, you have made me a better Mom, a better person and ultimately given me one more amazing reason to look forward to the rest of my life.  To see you grow up, experience the aura that is you and be able to have a front row seat to it all makes me feel like the luckiest person in the world.  The show you will put on, my sweet girl, I am convinced will be a blockbuster.

As per tradition around here, here is your 2nd birthday interview.  It is a hodgepodge, that is for sure, but it perfectly sums you up today.

Love to you, my girl, my light, my joy.  Happiest x2 and for forever.

Love,

Mama
xoxo