4.

Dear Colin,

A few days ago, you turned 4 years old.  You, my friend, are a pretty cool kid and I am reminded of this on a daily basis.  When I started writing these letters to you, you were only 3 months old and I was exhausted and discouraged.  You challenged me in every way possible and I am happy to report that 4 years later, we have very much found our groove together.  Over this past year, it has become clearer than ever what your likes, dislikes, challenges, sense of humour and ultimately, your overall personality truly is.

You are so very, very kind.  The patience and kindness that you have with your sisters (yes, you now have two!) warms my heart on a daily basis.  You constantly compromise your wants and needs for Addy and are always looking for ways to help with Aubrey.  Lately, when Aubrey cries in the car, you have decided that singing "Old McDonald had a farm" (although you sing "Old McDonald's) will help soothe her.  You and Addy's rendition makes me laugh every time, even over the stress of how it feels when a baby is screaming in the car.

You are such a good friend.  We are so lucky to have so many fun boys right around our house for you to play with and I love watching you with them.  Your cousins are a few other of your favourites and you love every second of every time we have to spend with them.  You look up to your cousin Cole so much, which makes me so very happy as he is a pretty great kid.

You thrive on consistency and rules.  Now this one is not new around here as ever since rules became a part of our lives, you have needed them and craved them.  Today, this remains the same.  A few weeks ago you started nursery school and I can tell that school is right up your ally.  The routine and the structure is what makes you tick and you have instantly fallen in love with the idea of school.

You love to learn & have a mind that remembers and absorbs so much.  Especially over the past few months, your curiosity and desire to learn about everything and anything has exploded.  You ask me a million questions a day about just as many subjects.  How things work and outer-space seem to be your favourite.  Thank goodness for google because honestly, I don't know the answers to the majority of the questions you ask.  "Mom, which planets have water on them?"..."Ummmm....earth....."  We'll learn together.

New things are hard for you.  Again, not a new one, but something you have really improved on over the past year.  Swimming lessons started just after your third birthday and it was a bit of a bust.  Week after week though we continued to show up and eventually (like 6 months later) you finally realized that it was nothing to get all worked up over and started to really enjoy the half hour a week.  Fast forward to this past summer and you are a swimming machine.  You jump off the dock into the lake, swim by yourself with a life jacket and actively enjoy your time in the water.  You needed to come to it in your own time and I am so very, very glad that you did.

You continue to challenge me.  It has been a bit of a mixed bag around here as Aubrey was only born a few months ago and our lives were once again, turned upside down.  For the first while, your Dad was home on summer holidays which really lessened the blow, but for the past few weeks it has just been you kids and I, as we attempt to find our groove.  As with any mother of a newborn, I am tired and at times have felt frustrated and overwhelmed.  To be completely honest, in a few of those moments, I have taken it out on you.  This is not fair.  You see, you are such a good kid that when you do have your moments, misbehave, or cause problems, sometimes I come down on you a little too hard just because I am not used to it from you.  You have set the standard for your own behaviour so high and I need to remind myself sometimes that you still are in fact only 4 years old.  You are allowed to make mistakes, to cry for no reason and not always want to compromise with your sister who is always pushing your buttons.   I have gotten angry with you when really, you were just being 4 and I should have had more patience, been more calm, and talked you through the problem.  I saw a quote the other day and I loved it - "Only I can give my kids a happy mother who loves life."  Reading these few words snapped me into the reality of their truth.  Yes, I have three children under the age of 5 now.  And yes, I am tired.  And yes, our house is always littered with toys.  And yes, our days do not always go perfectly and the tears flow.  That all being said, the last thing I want is to take those things out on you for you, my sweet boy are the first tiny human who made all of it worth it.  Your unconditional love, even on my most unreasonably touchy days is an amazing example of its true definition.  Although I do have a job to do with you and your sisters, a job that is not always fun and you will not always like (think manners, rules, cleaning up, etc), I ultimately want you all to know that you make me incredibly happy.  The happiness that you bring to my days, to my life, and to my soul reach farther and deeper than I knew existed.

Bucky, you are my bestest boy.  Your heart is so good and your soul is so sweet and pure.  You have been blessed with two little sisters who I know will push you (maybe even over the edge from time to time), but will also protect you with all their hearts.  They already look up to you so much and it is so clear as to why.  You are the best brother and they are so lucky to have you.  For me, I could not ask for a better boy, kid, son.  I could not be more proud of you.  For everything you have become already and for everything I am certain you will become.  You have so many amazing times ahead of you.  Thank you for keeping me so close yet embracing your own independence and freedom as you grow.

This birthday interview, once again, solidifies exactly you at this moment.  A little bit calm, a little bit silly, a little bit typical 4 year old boy.  Here is to you, at 4.

Love x4, to the moon & back.

Mama
xoxox