Month 2.

Dear Aubrey,

A few days ago, you turned 2 months old.  This past month was much like the first, with the addition of a touch more time spent awake and a smile from time to time.  You are still very much a newborn and although you are awake a little more each day, for the most part you prefer to eat and sleep the days away.  That's okay by me as we have officially entered the busiest time of year for our family.  Your Dad is back to school, volleyball and football has started for him, Colin started nursery school and will soon start swimming and skating as well.  We tend to be a family on the go and thankfully that seems to work for you.

Once again, and I feel like a bit of a broken record saying this, you are a bit of a mixed bag.  At night, you are clutch.  You are up once, eat quick and go right back down - I can't ask for much better.  During the day, you are up and down.  If we are out and about, you are a dream.  You sleep in your carseat like a log and rarely make a peep.  On days where we are home, you struggle.  I fully accept responsibility that I have created this issue for you.  From the moment you were born we didn't really stop and because of that, you slept in your carseat a lot.  Clearly this has become a clutch for you as without it, napping is challenging for you.  On the one hand, I really want to correct this.  I remember how easy it was with your sister, how she would go down for a nap without a peep and sleep until awoken each and EVERY time.  Although that is not realistic to think I would get that again, the memory of how much I could get done during those naps is motivating for sure.  On the other hand, the hand that is more realistic, we are busy.  We have to take Colin to nursery school three times a week, we have to get groceries, we have to go to your siblings lessons and for these reasons I need you to sleep on the go more than I need you to sleep in your crib.  In a perfect world you would do both without a complaint however I realize that this is not realistic for a newborn, or baby for that matter.  I also want to make sure your siblings still get to go out and enjoy the things that they enjoy during the day and don't want to be housebound simply for you to sleep.  Maybe that's not fair for you, but I don't think always being at home would be fair for them either.  It's going to have to become some kind of balance.  I fully admit that I have not figured it out yet, but maybe by your next letter I will have a lead.  Or even better, a plan.  In the mean time, I promise that I will do what I can to help you through the transitions of home and away, of cribs to carseats.

A few weeks ago, we went to the Betker's (Auntie Kate's Mom and Dad's) cabin, which is an amazingly gorgeous island getaway at Lake of the Woods.  We were there for 2 days and 2 nights.  Within this time, you didn't really ever cry, except for in the late evenings before bed.  On the second day, I was holding you while Kate and her Mom hung curtains in the room we were sleeping in.  At some point during our conversation you fell asleep.  Kate's Mom said to me - "now that is a good baby."  And she was right, you are such a good baby.  It was what she said next though, that really resonated with me.  "Don't get me wrong" she said "that's a good baby, but it is still hard work."  Her words hit me like a tonne of bricks - she was incredibly right.  Good baby, or difficult baby - a baby is hard.  You are no different.  You are so calm and so forgiving and such a go with the flow kind of kid.  At the end of the day, you are in fact easy.  Unfortunately (for me), that doesn't change the immense amount of work and shear exhaustion that having a newborn brings.  Add on a couple other young children and that adds up to a heck of a lot of hard work.  I am not saying these words as complaints but more to simply come up for air.  Admitting that a newborn, baby, toddler, child is hard work admits that it's ok to get frustrated, to be tired, to feel defeated.  It is hard work.  No matter the ease or the fight of the child - the work, the work is always there.

Yes, my sweet girl, you are easy, but you are hard - all in the same thought, in the same breathe.  Regardless of the work though, you are always worth it.  I would choose you each and every time as the gift of you is too wonderful a gift to ever take for granted or ever resent.  The joy I feel in your smiles, the love I see in your eyes, and the excitement I have for all that you are and will be outweighs all the effort it takes to get through the day.  Even on the worst of days, you are my girl, and that will never change.  I can't wait for this next month, for you to get a bit older, a bit more solidified in this world and a bit easier to predict.  With it, we will also get to know your personality a little bit better and undoubtedly fall a lot more in love.

Here is to you at 2 months new.

Love x2,

Mama
xoxo