Month 2.

Dear Aubrey,

A few days ago, you turned 2 months old.  This past month was much like the first, with the addition of a touch more time spent awake and a smile from time to time.  You are still very much a newborn and although you are awake a little more each day, for the most part you prefer to eat and sleep the days away.  That's okay by me as we have officially entered the busiest time of year for our family.  Your Dad is back to school, volleyball and football has started for him, Colin started nursery school and will soon start swimming and skating as well.  We tend to be a family on the go and thankfully that seems to work for you.

Once again, and I feel like a bit of a broken record saying this, you are a bit of a mixed bag.  At night, you are clutch.  You are up once, eat quick and go right back down - I can't ask for much better.  During the day, you are up and down.  If we are out and about, you are a dream.  You sleep in your carseat like a log and rarely make a peep.  On days where we are home, you struggle.  I fully accept responsibility that I have created this issue for you.  From the moment you were born we didn't really stop and because of that, you slept in your carseat a lot.  Clearly this has become a clutch for you as without it, napping is challenging for you.  On the one hand, I really want to correct this.  I remember how easy it was with your sister, how she would go down for a nap without a peep and sleep until awoken each and EVERY time.  Although that is not realistic to think I would get that again, the memory of how much I could get done during those naps is motivating for sure.  On the other hand, the hand that is more realistic, we are busy.  We have to take Colin to nursery school three times a week, we have to get groceries, we have to go to your siblings lessons and for these reasons I need you to sleep on the go more than I need you to sleep in your crib.  In a perfect world you would do both without a complaint however I realize that this is not realistic for a newborn, or baby for that matter.  I also want to make sure your siblings still get to go out and enjoy the things that they enjoy during the day and don't want to be housebound simply for you to sleep.  Maybe that's not fair for you, but I don't think always being at home would be fair for them either.  It's going to have to become some kind of balance.  I fully admit that I have not figured it out yet, but maybe by your next letter I will have a lead.  Or even better, a plan.  In the mean time, I promise that I will do what I can to help you through the transitions of home and away, of cribs to carseats.

A few weeks ago, we went to the Betker's (Auntie Kate's Mom and Dad's) cabin, which is an amazingly gorgeous island getaway at Lake of the Woods.  We were there for 2 days and 2 nights.  Within this time, you didn't really ever cry, except for in the late evenings before bed.  On the second day, I was holding you while Kate and her Mom hung curtains in the room we were sleeping in.  At some point during our conversation you fell asleep.  Kate's Mom said to me - "now that is a good baby."  And she was right, you are such a good baby.  It was what she said next though, that really resonated with me.  "Don't get me wrong" she said "that's a good baby, but it is still hard work."  Her words hit me like a tonne of bricks - she was incredibly right.  Good baby, or difficult baby - a baby is hard.  You are no different.  You are so calm and so forgiving and such a go with the flow kind of kid.  At the end of the day, you are in fact easy.  Unfortunately (for me), that doesn't change the immense amount of work and shear exhaustion that having a newborn brings.  Add on a couple other young children and that adds up to a heck of a lot of hard work.  I am not saying these words as complaints but more to simply come up for air.  Admitting that a newborn, baby, toddler, child is hard work admits that it's ok to get frustrated, to be tired, to feel defeated.  It is hard work.  No matter the ease or the fight of the child - the work, the work is always there.

Yes, my sweet girl, you are easy, but you are hard - all in the same thought, in the same breathe.  Regardless of the work though, you are always worth it.  I would choose you each and every time as the gift of you is too wonderful a gift to ever take for granted or ever resent.  The joy I feel in your smiles, the love I see in your eyes, and the excitement I have for all that you are and will be outweighs all the effort it takes to get through the day.  Even on the worst of days, you are my girl, and that will never change.  I can't wait for this next month, for you to get a bit older, a bit more solidified in this world and a bit easier to predict.  With it, we will also get to know your personality a little bit better and undoubtedly fall a lot more in love.

Here is to you at 2 months new.

Love x2,

Mama
xoxo

4.

Dear Colin,

A few days ago, you turned 4 years old.  You, my friend, are a pretty cool kid and I am reminded of this on a daily basis.  When I started writing these letters to you, you were only 3 months old and I was exhausted and discouraged.  You challenged me in every way possible and I am happy to report that 4 years later, we have very much found our groove together.  Over this past year, it has become clearer than ever what your likes, dislikes, challenges, sense of humour and ultimately, your overall personality truly is.

You are so very, very kind.  The patience and kindness that you have with your sisters (yes, you now have two!) warms my heart on a daily basis.  You constantly compromise your wants and needs for Addy and are always looking for ways to help with Aubrey.  Lately, when Aubrey cries in the car, you have decided that singing "Old McDonald had a farm" (although you sing "Old McDonald's) will help soothe her.  You and Addy's rendition makes me laugh every time, even over the stress of how it feels when a baby is screaming in the car.

You are such a good friend.  We are so lucky to have so many fun boys right around our house for you to play with and I love watching you with them.  Your cousins are a few other of your favourites and you love every second of every time we have to spend with them.  You look up to your cousin Cole so much, which makes me so very happy as he is a pretty great kid.

You thrive on consistency and rules.  Now this one is not new around here as ever since rules became a part of our lives, you have needed them and craved them.  Today, this remains the same.  A few weeks ago you started nursery school and I can tell that school is right up your ally.  The routine and the structure is what makes you tick and you have instantly fallen in love with the idea of school.

You love to learn & have a mind that remembers and absorbs so much.  Especially over the past few months, your curiosity and desire to learn about everything and anything has exploded.  You ask me a million questions a day about just as many subjects.  How things work and outer-space seem to be your favourite.  Thank goodness for google because honestly, I don't know the answers to the majority of the questions you ask.  "Mom, which planets have water on them?"..."Ummmm....earth....."  We'll learn together.

New things are hard for you.  Again, not a new one, but something you have really improved on over the past year.  Swimming lessons started just after your third birthday and it was a bit of a bust.  Week after week though we continued to show up and eventually (like 6 months later) you finally realized that it was nothing to get all worked up over and started to really enjoy the half hour a week.  Fast forward to this past summer and you are a swimming machine.  You jump off the dock into the lake, swim by yourself with a life jacket and actively enjoy your time in the water.  You needed to come to it in your own time and I am so very, very glad that you did.

You continue to challenge me.  It has been a bit of a mixed bag around here as Aubrey was only born a few months ago and our lives were once again, turned upside down.  For the first while, your Dad was home on summer holidays which really lessened the blow, but for the past few weeks it has just been you kids and I, as we attempt to find our groove.  As with any mother of a newborn, I am tired and at times have felt frustrated and overwhelmed.  To be completely honest, in a few of those moments, I have taken it out on you.  This is not fair.  You see, you are such a good kid that when you do have your moments, misbehave, or cause problems, sometimes I come down on you a little too hard just because I am not used to it from you.  You have set the standard for your own behaviour so high and I need to remind myself sometimes that you still are in fact only 4 years old.  You are allowed to make mistakes, to cry for no reason and not always want to compromise with your sister who is always pushing your buttons.   I have gotten angry with you when really, you were just being 4 and I should have had more patience, been more calm, and talked you through the problem.  I saw a quote the other day and I loved it - "Only I can give my kids a happy mother who loves life."  Reading these few words snapped me into the reality of their truth.  Yes, I have three children under the age of 5 now.  And yes, I am tired.  And yes, our house is always littered with toys.  And yes, our days do not always go perfectly and the tears flow.  That all being said, the last thing I want is to take those things out on you for you, my sweet boy are the first tiny human who made all of it worth it.  Your unconditional love, even on my most unreasonably touchy days is an amazing example of its true definition.  Although I do have a job to do with you and your sisters, a job that is not always fun and you will not always like (think manners, rules, cleaning up, etc), I ultimately want you all to know that you make me incredibly happy.  The happiness that you bring to my days, to my life, and to my soul reach farther and deeper than I knew existed.

Bucky, you are my bestest boy.  Your heart is so good and your soul is so sweet and pure.  You have been blessed with two little sisters who I know will push you (maybe even over the edge from time to time), but will also protect you with all their hearts.  They already look up to you so much and it is so clear as to why.  You are the best brother and they are so lucky to have you.  For me, I could not ask for a better boy, kid, son.  I could not be more proud of you.  For everything you have become already and for everything I am certain you will become.  You have so many amazing times ahead of you.  Thank you for keeping me so close yet embracing your own independence and freedom as you grow.

This birthday interview, once again, solidifies exactly you at this moment.  A little bit calm, a little bit silly, a little bit typical 4 year old boy.  Here is to you, at 4.

Love x4, to the moon & back.

Mama
xoxox