History & Future

Like so many have done before, and I am sure many will do after, Colin got his picture taken in THE rocking chair yesterday. This rocking chair belonged to my Grandmother's brother and was given to him at his birth. That was 90+ years ago. Since then, it has been in our family and protected and kept by my Grandmother. So many grandchildren and great grandchildren have been photographed in the chair, and it makes me so happy to now have this shot of Colin doing the same.


It will be difficult to describe to him just how wonderful his Grandparents who have passed were, as their love was so real and so wonderful, however I will always try. He deserves to know just how amazing they were and how much they loved him...even though two didn't get a chance to be formally introduced.

These pictures are ones for the books!

Spice Drawer Makeover

This whole back to work thing has put quite the damper on my blogging schedule. First of all, I am having trouble fitting in the time to write, and second of all, not a whole lot has gone on lately! Today, however, I finally tackled an idea and project that I have been thinking about for quite some time. After finding this idea on you guessed it, Pinterest, I knew that it would be something easy, cheap and necessary for our spice drawer. You see, I think I am a pretty organized person. I like order, planning and neatness. That being said, even more than I like orgnaization, I like cleanliness. I cannot stand household items in plain view. Tucked away in drawers and cupboards however is a-ok with me, even if it not necessarily the proper place for it. Our kitchen island, in all its 4x6 foot glory is the mecca of clutter for our home. Mail, books, wallets, and other basic crap is constantly found piled on the island which drives me absolutely insane. For that reason, I am constantly shoving random items in random drawers...just to give myself the illusion of organization and tidiness. This strategy equals drawers that look like this...behold, our spice drawer.

There is really no excuse and therefore, why it needed some work. I already had the baby food jars, as well as chalkboard paint left over from another project so it was relatively simple and completely free to whip this drawer into shape. Here are the after results...


Much better! It should also be noted that the before pictures were taken on my cameras automatic mode, along with every other picture this camera has ever taken. The after shots, however were actually taken on manual! A friend and I started a photography course last night at PhotoCentral downtown and in a couple of hours started to learn the basics of how our cameras actually work. The course consists of 6 2-hour nights and I am so excited to learn more each and every week. Already I can see the difference in the pictures my camera can capture.

Things around here are hitting their groove as the temperature is dropping along with the leaves. It has now been a few weeks of me being back to work and I can honestly say that it hasn't seem to affect Colin at all. He loves it at daycare and he loves it at his Grandparents...which makes it so much easier all together. I would be lying if I said I wasn't enjoying the time away and the adult conversation as well, however at times am still struggling with how much I am missing. I have found that the hardest part of this whole thing is simple. I just want to know what he's doing. For the last year, I knew what he was doing pretty much all the time. I knew how much he slept, I knew how much he ate, I knew how many times he pooped. Now, for 3 days a week, I simply don't know these things (except for when he is at my parents...my Mom writes everything in a journal for me - thanks, Mom!). It is an adjustment that I am figuring out as I go. I read a sign the other day that said "Keep Calm. Nobody else knows what they're doing either". I found great peace in that phrase as I am not quite sure how to make home, work and my family life all blend into seamless life. It may be too much to ask, however will always try to achieve the ultimate trifecta.

Peace.

10 years ago today, I was in my 2nd year of university. That morning, I had an early class and as I walked to the classroom, I noticed a number of people watching a television in the hallway. I thought nothing of it and attended class. Afterwards, I headed to our team room as I was on the basketball team at that time. When I walked in, it was empty, however CJOB News was playing on the radio. I remember thinking this was odd as it was never on anything but Hot 103. After a few moments, I started to listen and absorb what had happened in New York city so far. Moments later, the second plane hit.

At that moment, I remember that I felt that I could not go on with my day any longer. Myself, and a few other teammates went to one of their nearby apartments and spent the day watching the news in pure unbelief that what happened was in fact, reality. I remember seeing the people jump from 100 story's up, I remember seeing the first building fall, I remember hearing the screams and seeing the terror in peoples eyes. No matter what, we could not bring ourselves to turn the TV off.

Eventually, it was time for us to return to school as we had a practice scheduled. I remember feeling an immense amount of guilt, as I could not simply return to my life, knowing that others whole worlds were crumbling before their eyes.

When I returned home that night, my Mom and I resumed watching the news, until my Dad came home after a long day of school and meetings. He had not been able to see any of the footage up until that point and was now seeing it for the first time. After an hour or two, I remember my parents saying that it was time to turn it off. As hard as it was for all of us, we needed to as otherwise we probably would have watched all night long.

To this day, I struggle seeing any pictures or footage of the events of that day. I do not understand how something like that can happen. As much as I do not agree with many of the decisions that the United States has made since that day, I know it is something I will never be able to understand. Instead, today I will pray for the families who are still grieving for their lost ones. I will pray for the city that was rocked to its very core. I will pray for the leaders who continue to make decisions in an attempt to keep our country and the United States safe. I will pray for peace.

Breaking Point.

Tomorrow, like many other Mom's have done before me, and many more will do in the future, I will be going back to work. Like in so many other aspects of my life, I always try to be the tough one when faced with undoubtedly emotional situations. Up until yesterday, I do think I maintained that persona. One of the items that Colin's daycare asked me to bring on his first day, was a list of emergency phone numbers, his normal schedule, and any other important information that will help them figure our little man out. While I got through the emergency phone numbers just fine, and even most of the schedule, as I re-read my work, looking for anything I might have missed, I instantly was overwhelmed with emotion. Tears, head in hands and sobs.

Like I said, I always try to remain very tough...through anything and everything, but I guess yesterday was my breaking point. I needed it. I needed to cry and release the sadness that has been building up inside of me as tomorrow got closer and closer.

I am incredibly thankful for the past year. I am well aware that in many other places, mothers are continually going back to work much sooner and am beyond grateful that I live in a country where a year is the norm. I am also incredibly thankful that I have a job which is allowing me to work two days a week from home, therefore making sure that every second day is at least somewhat spent with Colin. I know that I will have much more time with him than many mothers do with the own, after their year is up.

I am also so thankful that we found the daycare we did. It is everything I could ever have asked for and feel SO good about leaving Colin there. I know he will have so much fun interacting with kids his own age and older, and also believe that it will be good for him to get used to someone else for a change. I am also thrilled that every Friday, Colin will spend the day with his grandparents. They love him up.

Yes, there is much to be thankful for. I am beyond lucky to have the situation I have and I know that Colin will have a blast every single day that I am work and that he and I will reunite for some quality time every day in between.

Unfortunately, that does not make the ache go away. For you see, we came as a set for so long and the love and bond that has grown between he and I for the past year and 5 days makes any goodbye, even those that only last a few hours, hard. I know that it will get easier, and that this is just the start of a new routine and norm for us. I know that he will benefit greatly from his year abroad and can't wait to see how he grows and learns through it all.

Bottom line is this. I will miss this past year. I will miss his everyday wonderfulness. I will miss that I will not be the one who witnesses each newness with my own eyes. I will miss him.

I guess, after everything is said and done though, he is too good not to be shared.

The BIG Birthday.

Last Thursday, we celebrated Colin's 1st birthday with a party that filled the house and brought together all our friends and family once again to love on our little man. After the house was cleaned and the pizzas made, we were ready to bring on the people and enjoy great company and lots of laughs in honour of Colin.

In keeping with my recent pinterest theme, I did find the cake that I made for this occasion there as well. Although it didn't turn out exactly as I had planned, it did taste delicious. Here is the original inspiration. And here is my interpretation...

If someone can figure out how to sprinkle the sides of a cake with SO many sprinkles, please do leave me a comment and enlighten me. For the life of me, short of turning the cake on its side, I could not figure out how to accomplish this. I didn't want to turn the cake on its side either due to the fact that it is 3 layers and I didn't want to chance one of the layers sliding and jeopardizing the cake so I opted instead to just sprinkle the hell out of the top. Another issue I had with the cake is that the swiss buttercream icing recipe that accompanys the cake did not work for me AT ALL. It calls for 3.5 cups of butter so I assumed it would be delicious, however once all the instructions were followed and the ingredients were in my Electrolux mixer, the icing just never set up. After 45 minutes of beating, I abandoned ship and opted for a classic royal icing instead that did the trick just as well.

For Colin's birthday present, Jason and I decided to get him a play table. The kid loves to stand and play and therefore we wanted to get him a table to stand at and use his toys, cars and trucks. So the morning of his birthday, we brought the table up from downstairs, selected a few of his favorite toys, and Colin got to work right away.

After dinner, we all gathered around and sang Colin his first ever Happy Birthday before serving up the cake. I think he might be the only child in history that picked up a piece of his cake, brought it to his mouth, and promptly threw it on the floor, ie. why there is no picture of him eating cake :).

After everyone else had cake, it was time for presents and boy did we have help opening up all the beautifully awesome gifts that Colin was blessed with.


After the party, when all the paper and boxes were cleared away, the table was filled up nicely with super cool toys for our little guy to gradually explore and get to know.

And of course, no 1 year olds birthday party would be complete without a keg.


For the 7 little people who attended the party, I wanted to put together a goody bag with something Pinterest inspried as well. Although I couldn't quite make what I set out to, I was able to again, make a variation of the original idea. This was what I wanted to make originally, but couldn't find the letter silicone molds anywhere in the city. That is the problem with coming up with your idea on a Monday, and needing the product finished for Thursday. Whoops! I will keep the idea in the back pocket, order the letter molds from an online store and make them for another party. For this party, I found a square mold and made these instead...

Kinda cool still, I guess?

All in all, I think Colin's 1st birthday was a complete success! Thank you for everyone who came and celebrated the day with us. We and especially COLIN are so lucky to have each and every one of you in our lives. If there is one thing Colin will never doubt is how LOVED he truly is. That boy is blessed beyond belief. As we enter into year two now, I can only imagine how much he is going to grow and change until we all congregate again to celebrate him and his 2nd birthday. What a year it will be!

One Whole Year.

Today, you turn one. ONE. One Whole Year. For the past few days, I have been trying to wrap my head around this whole birthday thing. On the one hand, it feels like just hours since we first met and you were laid in my arms for the first time. That night was a night I don't think I, or your Dad, will ever forget as it was the night where our lives changed forever and we both fell in LOVE all over again, with each other, but most importantly with you. In some ways, I do feel like we just met, but in others, it feels like you have been a part of this family forever. The past year has been nuts, as you shook everything up, but when the dust settled, although everything looked different, life was never as normal, as happy, or as fun.

Just thinking about the amount of learning and growing you have done over the past 12 months makes me tired! Over the past month especially, the amount of words you understand has grown tremendously. You now very much understand the word no, however are still working on whether or not you chose to obey that word. I think you understand "all done" and "please" and "thank you" as well and it seems like you are trying to form the words with your lips after I say it. You are on your way with the sign language, however we still have a lot of practice with that. When your Dad comes home now, you always great him with a big smile and a "Da-da" or two. Not that he needed a reason to love you anymore than he already does, but I think you now officially have him wrapped around your finger. With those two simple syllables, I know you make his time away from you and how hard that is on him melt away and right then and there he falls in love with you all over again.

Your balance on your feet has really improved this month as well as you now will stand, unsupported, for a few seconds before lowering yourself back on to your bum where you are much more comfortable. You will also prop yourself up on your knees, or just one knee and sit and play like that for quite some time. I have no idea when you will walk, however am hoping that it is a day where both your Dad and I are around to witness it.

This month you have really taken to playing with toys. You love to push trucks and cars around the house, and will play catch with anyone who is willing. For your birthday, your Dad and I bought you a play table and I am so sure that it will be a hit from the start as you LOVE to stand and play everywhere and anywhere. When you and I went to buy the table, the store where we were had a kids work bench set up where you could play with wooden hammers, wrenches and screws and nails. You were playing there while I was talking to the salesperson and paying for the table. When it was time to go, I picked you up like I always do and for one of the first times, you threw a tantrum. You SCREAMED, kicked your legs like mad and turned on the tears. Obviously you weren't done playing yet. It is inevitable that the discipline part of parenting is among us now and it will be interesting to see how you react to it all.

Yes, it is amazing to think about all you have learned over the past 12 months, but even more crazy is the amount that I have learned as it was all somewhat unexpected. I knew that life would be different when you were born, however I don't think I ever knew just how different I would look at life as a parent. Because of you, we have changed some aspects of our daily living that will make us all healthier. My own health and your Dad's are very important to me, but yours, my friend, that is MOST important. I would do anything to ensure that you are safe and healthy.

Because of you, I look at money very differently now. When I married your Dad, I had to alter my spending habits, but all changes were for the better. You see, I was not what we would call, a responsible spender. I bought in to the plan and budget that your Dad and I committed to, however it wasn't until you that I truly got on board. We are lucky and blessed enough to want for very little around here, however like anything in life and money, you have to prioritize. What you need is now my top priority and my own wants and desires definitely come second. I want to make sure you have everything you need, but also want to make sure you understand that you can't have EVERYTHING. The whole idea of the value of money and the fact that it does run out at some point will be a difficult one for you to learn, considering that nowadays, everything is paid for with a piece of plastic and a few clicks of an online program, however as you get older, I promise to try to drill it into you. Your Dad and I are committed to ensuring that the financial stability of this family stays strong and that we build a foundation that will hopefully rub off on you and your money habits as well.

Because of you, I now slow down from time to time. I know I have mentioned this before, but slowing down and putting the to-do list on hold is not something I do not do well. Now that you are a little bit older, you do a very good job of reminding me of this daily. Often when you are playing by yourself, I will be working in the kitchen, or be on my computer working on something. When you have had enough, you crawl over to me, climb up my leg and point at your basketball, showing me that it is time to play. You have done more for me with this than I could have ever done on my own. Going into this year, with my going back to work, I might need a few more of those reminders on our days together. I trust that you will keep reminding me that YOU need me too and even though you are such a good, independent kind of kid, that you nudge me from time to time and get me to just enjoy this time.

Because of you, I love more deeply than I ever thought possible. Last night when I was putting you to bed, we went through our usual routine of saying good night to the world (which consists of pulling your blind down), getting you in your sleep sack, and taking a few minutes to just lay your head down on my shoulder. At this point, we say our prayers, and then we sing a song before it's time for Eeyore and sleep. I started to pray for you but could barely get two words out. For the past 365 days, I have prayed for you and tonight, the emotion of it all just got to me. I cannot believe how lucky we are to have you. You are everything and SO MUCH MORE than we could have ever asked for in a child. You make us better just by being you. You are perfect and happy and fun and everything that little boys should be. You make me laugh and smile from the moment I see you in the morning, to the moment I lay you down at night. When you are all grown and don't need me anymore, I will remember the feeling I have today, on your 1st birthday. I feel nothing but love, pride and joy in YOU, for YOU and with YOU. You are my most favorite little man. The other day when someone else was holding you, you reached your arms out towards me, asking me to hold you instead. I commented to your Dad later on that there is nothing quite like having a child choose you. I remember when your cousins were your age and definitely had their pecking order of who they wanted. I was rarely on the top of that list, however the few times that I was, even with them, were moments that I still remember as some of my favorites. Now that I have my own child, I love that I am the one you want and the one you choose. I adore that I am the one that can comfort you when you are hurt or sad and love that I am most often the top of your order. I hope that you will always choose me as I will ALWAYS choose you. Even when you are a smart mouthed kid I will choose you. Even when you are a stinky teenager I will choose you. Even when you mess up so badly that I don't know what to do with you, I will choose you. Until the day that I die, I will choose you. For there is no one quite like you. The love I felt for the past 12 months is love that I have never felt before, love I never knew existed and love that I will hold on to every single day that I am lucky enough to spend with you. Happy Birthday, Bubaloo.

Love you to the moon and back x1 whole year.

Mama
xoxo

Here's to you.