the story of a house, and the love that fills it.

this is us.

Thursday, September 1, 2011

One Whole Year.

Today, you turn one. ONE. One Whole Year. For the past few days, I have been trying to wrap my head around this whole birthday thing. On the one hand, it feels like just hours since we first met and you were laid in my arms for the first time. That night was a night I don't think I, or your Dad, will ever forget as it was the night where our lives changed forever and we both fell in LOVE all over again, with each other, but most importantly with you. In some ways, I do feel like we just met, but in others, it feels like you have been a part of this family forever. The past year has been nuts, as you shook everything up, but when the dust settled, although everything looked different, life was never as normal, as happy, or as fun.

Just thinking about the amount of learning and growing you have done over the past 12 months makes me tired! Over the past month especially, the amount of words you understand has grown tremendously. You now very much understand the word no, however are still working on whether or not you chose to obey that word. I think you understand "all done" and "please" and "thank you" as well and it seems like you are trying to form the words with your lips after I say it. You are on your way with the sign language, however we still have a lot of practice with that. When your Dad comes home now, you always great him with a big smile and a "Da-da" or two. Not that he needed a reason to love you anymore than he already does, but I think you now officially have him wrapped around your finger. With those two simple syllables, I know you make his time away from you and how hard that is on him melt away and right then and there he falls in love with you all over again.

Your balance on your feet has really improved this month as well as you now will stand, unsupported, for a few seconds before lowering yourself back on to your bum where you are much more comfortable. You will also prop yourself up on your knees, or just one knee and sit and play like that for quite some time. I have no idea when you will walk, however am hoping that it is a day where both your Dad and I are around to witness it.

This month you have really taken to playing with toys. You love to push trucks and cars around the house, and will play catch with anyone who is willing. For your birthday, your Dad and I bought you a play table and I am so sure that it will be a hit from the start as you LOVE to stand and play everywhere and anywhere. When you and I went to buy the table, the store where we were had a kids work bench set up where you could play with wooden hammers, wrenches and screws and nails. You were playing there while I was talking to the salesperson and paying for the table. When it was time to go, I picked you up like I always do and for one of the first times, you threw a tantrum. You SCREAMED, kicked your legs like mad and turned on the tears. Obviously you weren't done playing yet. It is inevitable that the discipline part of parenting is among us now and it will be interesting to see how you react to it all.

Yes, it is amazing to think about all you have learned over the past 12 months, but even more crazy is the amount that I have learned as it was all somewhat unexpected. I knew that life would be different when you were born, however I don't think I ever knew just how different I would look at life as a parent. Because of you, we have changed some aspects of our daily living that will make us all healthier. My own health and your Dad's are very important to me, but yours, my friend, that is MOST important. I would do anything to ensure that you are safe and healthy.

Because of you, I look at money very differently now. When I married your Dad, I had to alter my spending habits, but all changes were for the better. You see, I was not what we would call, a responsible spender. I bought in to the plan and budget that your Dad and I committed to, however it wasn't until you that I truly got on board. We are lucky and blessed enough to want for very little around here, however like anything in life and money, you have to prioritize. What you need is now my top priority and my own wants and desires definitely come second. I want to make sure you have everything you need, but also want to make sure you understand that you can't have EVERYTHING. The whole idea of the value of money and the fact that it does run out at some point will be a difficult one for you to learn, considering that nowadays, everything is paid for with a piece of plastic and a few clicks of an online program, however as you get older, I promise to try to drill it into you. Your Dad and I are committed to ensuring that the financial stability of this family stays strong and that we build a foundation that will hopefully rub off on you and your money habits as well.

Because of you, I now slow down from time to time. I know I have mentioned this before, but slowing down and putting the to-do list on hold is not something I do not do well. Now that you are a little bit older, you do a very good job of reminding me of this daily. Often when you are playing by yourself, I will be working in the kitchen, or be on my computer working on something. When you have had enough, you crawl over to me, climb up my leg and point at your basketball, showing me that it is time to play. You have done more for me with this than I could have ever done on my own. Going into this year, with my going back to work, I might need a few more of those reminders on our days together. I trust that you will keep reminding me that YOU need me too and even though you are such a good, independent kind of kid, that you nudge me from time to time and get me to just enjoy this time.

Because of you, I love more deeply than I ever thought possible. Last night when I was putting you to bed, we went through our usual routine of saying good night to the world (which consists of pulling your blind down), getting you in your sleep sack, and taking a few minutes to just lay your head down on my shoulder. At this point, we say our prayers, and then we sing a song before it's time for Eeyore and sleep. I started to pray for you but could barely get two words out. For the past 365 days, I have prayed for you and tonight, the emotion of it all just got to me. I cannot believe how lucky we are to have you. You are everything and SO MUCH MORE than we could have ever asked for in a child. You make us better just by being you. You are perfect and happy and fun and everything that little boys should be. You make me laugh and smile from the moment I see you in the morning, to the moment I lay you down at night. When you are all grown and don't need me anymore, I will remember the feeling I have today, on your 1st birthday. I feel nothing but love, pride and joy in YOU, for YOU and with YOU. You are my most favorite little man. The other day when someone else was holding you, you reached your arms out towards me, asking me to hold you instead. I commented to your Dad later on that there is nothing quite like having a child choose you. I remember when your cousins were your age and definitely had their pecking order of who they wanted. I was rarely on the top of that list, however the few times that I was, even with them, were moments that I still remember as some of my favorites. Now that I have my own child, I love that I am the one you want and the one you choose. I adore that I am the one that can comfort you when you are hurt or sad and love that I am most often the top of your order. I hope that you will always choose me as I will ALWAYS choose you. Even when you are a smart mouthed kid I will choose you. Even when you are a stinky teenager I will choose you. Even when you mess up so badly that I don't know what to do with you, I will choose you. Until the day that I die, I will choose you. For there is no one quite like you. The love I felt for the past 12 months is love that I have never felt before, love I never knew existed and love that I will hold on to every single day that I am lucky enough to spend with you. Happy Birthday, Bubaloo.

Love you to the moon and back x1 whole year.

Mama
xoxo

Here's to you.


4 comments:

  1. Wow! That's all I can say. Blessed boy, blessed family - may you always be as happy as you are today. Happy first birthday Colin.

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  2. That was the most beautiful tribute to parenting ever, Lee! You took us all back to how we felt when we discovered those same feelings you're describing. I thank God for the gift of expression He's given you and thank you for sharing it with us all!

    Happy Birthday Colin! You are amazing and fill us all with love and joy each and every time we are with you!
    ....and Happy "First Year With Colin Day"
    to Jason and Lee

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  3. Man, I love that kid. I am so excited to see his little personality come out even more in the next 12 months! We love you Colin!

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  4. Lee - you are awesome. And Colin is awesome. Thanks for writing that...it makes me want to savour my time with Keaton even more because before I know it, he will be one year old too. Time goes by too fast! Love you three (and Jake too of course).

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