Breaking Point.

Tomorrow, like many other Mom's have done before me, and many more will do in the future, I will be going back to work. Like in so many other aspects of my life, I always try to be the tough one when faced with undoubtedly emotional situations. Up until yesterday, I do think I maintained that persona. One of the items that Colin's daycare asked me to bring on his first day, was a list of emergency phone numbers, his normal schedule, and any other important information that will help them figure our little man out. While I got through the emergency phone numbers just fine, and even most of the schedule, as I re-read my work, looking for anything I might have missed, I instantly was overwhelmed with emotion. Tears, head in hands and sobs.

Like I said, I always try to remain very tough...through anything and everything, but I guess yesterday was my breaking point. I needed it. I needed to cry and release the sadness that has been building up inside of me as tomorrow got closer and closer.

I am incredibly thankful for the past year. I am well aware that in many other places, mothers are continually going back to work much sooner and am beyond grateful that I live in a country where a year is the norm. I am also incredibly thankful that I have a job which is allowing me to work two days a week from home, therefore making sure that every second day is at least somewhat spent with Colin. I know that I will have much more time with him than many mothers do with the own, after their year is up.

I am also so thankful that we found the daycare we did. It is everything I could ever have asked for and feel SO good about leaving Colin there. I know he will have so much fun interacting with kids his own age and older, and also believe that it will be good for him to get used to someone else for a change. I am also thrilled that every Friday, Colin will spend the day with his grandparents. They love him up.

Yes, there is much to be thankful for. I am beyond lucky to have the situation I have and I know that Colin will have a blast every single day that I am work and that he and I will reunite for some quality time every day in between.

Unfortunately, that does not make the ache go away. For you see, we came as a set for so long and the love and bond that has grown between he and I for the past year and 5 days makes any goodbye, even those that only last a few hours, hard. I know that it will get easier, and that this is just the start of a new routine and norm for us. I know that he will benefit greatly from his year abroad and can't wait to see how he grows and learns through it all.

Bottom line is this. I will miss this past year. I will miss his everyday wonderfulness. I will miss that I will not be the one who witnesses each newness with my own eyes. I will miss him.

I guess, after everything is said and done though, he is too good not to be shared.